


Frostbite: Dimitri's Point of Vew

by gigi256



Series: Dimitri's Story: The Vampire Academy Books from Dimitri's Point of View [2]
Category: Vampire Academy & Related Fandoms, Vampire Academy Series - Richelle Mead
Genre: Dimitri POV, F/M, dimitri point of view
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-17
Updated: 2015-06-17
Packaged: 2018-04-04 20:45:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 79,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4152321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gigi256/pseuds/gigi256
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two paths lie ahead. One seems to offer everything Dimitri could ever hope for. The other promises pain and the one thing he truly wants: the one person he can never have. Is a comfortable life worth the absence of love, or is that love worth the inevitable heartbreak? Will that choice be made for him before he has the chance to decide? Sequel to Vampire Academy: Dimitri's POV</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note**

* * *

 Here's the long awaited first chapter of Frostbite from Dimitri's Point of View. I'm so glad to be writing again! I hope you enjoy and lets kick things off with a a bit of heat why don't we ;)

_*some mature (non-graphic) content in this chapter*_

* * *

 

Her skin was so incredibly smooth under my fingertips. It felt even better under my lips. I kissed her cheek, her throat, her collarbone. I was encouraged further by every little sigh she made. Her back arched, pressing me closer to her chest. It was a physical mirror to the small pleas in her voice.

"Dimitri."

The way she said my name thrilled me. That alone could make me feel like I was soaring.

But this was more; this was indescribable. Her body was pressed against mine as I knelt on the bed, her legs straddling my own. My hands ghosted over her thighs, her hips, her waist. Ultimately, I settled on placing one hand on the small of her back, allowing my fingers to hesitantly explore the skin beneath the waistband of her lace underwear. The other boldly tangled in the long dark hair near her shoulder blades.

Neither of us won the fight for dominance. There was no need. I felt powerful as my touch made her body writhe in response. But truthfully, I was at her mercy. She could ask anything from me and I would go to the ends of the earth to prove myself to her.

Such is passion. Such is devotion. Such is love.

I dipped my head just a bit lower, ready to give in to her unspoken desire. As my rough jaw brushed against the softness of her breast, she gave a small moan, throwing her head back in the ecstasy of anticipation. The sudden movement caused my own pleasured groan as her hips pressed into mine.

"Roza," I whispered. "My Roza."

The cruel shock of reality woke me from my dream. The small alarm clock beeped accusingly from the nightstand, as if it knew the images of my unconsciousness and was determined to scold me for them.

My skin was coated in a thin layer of rapidly cooling sweat and my breathing was heavy as if I had just run a marathon. Waking up with these two physical discomforts was becoming routine. My sleep was often saturated in nightmares of watching Rose die. Sometimes it was at the hands of Victor. Other times, it was at the hands of Strigoi. But her death was always my fault. I was always just in time to see her murdered, but always too late to stop it.

The third physical sign of tonight's overactive imagination was an shameful reminder of the other type of dream that seemed to be tormenting me. I had, regrettably, dreamt of Rose for a while now. It started shortly after I had met her and become her mentor. However, these dreams had taken on a new and startling turn after we had fallen victim to a lust charm roughly a month ago. Where I had once imagined the touch of her hair or the taste of her lips, I now fantasized about thrill of her body on my own. Thankfully, I had broken the charm before we had gone too far, but the memory of that night still haunted me.

It was shameful enough that I had these thoughts (unbidden as they may be) when I held a position of authority over her. I also had to contend with the fact that our age difference practically made me a pedophile. I wasn't that much older than her, just seven years, but it was more than enough considering that she was seventeen and still a minor.

Not to mention that the attraction that I felt for her, that we felt for each other, was in direct conflict of my duty. The same duty that I was training Rose towards. We would one day be partners. Not in the romantic sense, but in the professional. We were both slated to guard Princess Vasilisa, the last remaining Moroi of the Dragomir line.

She would always have to come first for both of us. We both knew it. We both agreed to it. However, knowing it and agreeing to it is not as easy as actually living up to it. In fact, it was nearly impossible.

Every moment I spent with her only seemed to draw us closer together. She understood me better than anyone else I had ever met. I understood her as well. Our attraction and the feelings that developed along with it were strong, unyielding, and mutual. Fate was a cruel mistress; forcing us together with the promise that we could never truly be so.

I pulled myself from my bed, hoping the shock of a cool shower would rid me of the lingering effects of my warm bed. Before jumping in though, I opened my laptop to send a quick email. Rose would be waking up soon to join me for our morning training, and I needed to make sure she knew that our plans were going to be a little different today.

I had planned on telling her the news last night, but I knew it would make her nervous and she needed to get a good night's rest. I had finally arranged for her to take her Qualifier Exam; one of the required tests to graduate, and one she had missed while she and Lissa were on the run last year. She knew it was coming up, but the fact that it was today would be a surprise. It would also be a surprise that we would be spending nearly all this evening traveling to take the exam.

My quick email told her that she should get some extra rest today and that both out morning and afternoon trainings were canceled so she could do so. I also instructed her to meet me at the parking lot near the front gate at 6am, just as the sun would start rising. We would be switching to human schedule for the trip.

I knew that I wouldn't be able to get any extra rest after my last dream, so instead I made my way to the gym for some personal training. It felt lonely. I was so used to having Rose as my companion during workouts, that it felt wrong to not have her by my side. Afterwards I grabbed a simple breakfast in the guardian lounge and I couldn't help but pick up a few small treats for our trip later. Well for her, but it made me feel a bit more sane to tell myself that they were for us both. Not that I would be eating the multiple bags of artificially flavored cheese chips or sugar laden soda. I preferred my caffeine in the form of black coffee.

I was only waiting at the car for about ten minutes or so when I saw Rose hurrying towards me. Thankfully, she had the state of mind to wear something semi-professional: black jeans, white camisole, and a black cardigan. It was reminiscent of the traditional guardian's uniform without looking like she was playing dress-up.

"I know, I know. Sorry, I'm late."

I smirked in response. I had given us a bit of extra time to make it to our destination because "Rose Standard Time" always seemed to be about fifteen minutes behind the rest of the world. I could see that she was already a bit nervous about the upcoming test and I was grateful that I had waited until the last minute to tell her so that she didn't have more time than necessary to fret. The qualifier wasn't a typical test, more like an interview. I remember it being a whole lot more nerve wracking than most of the exams that I had taken at school, simply because it was so different than what I was used to. Rather than testing your skills as a guardian, it was developed to test your commitment. High ranking guardians would come and meet one on one with the novices, discussing their future while assessing their character and dedication. While rare, the occasional stories of someone not passing was like an urban legend passed from class to class. I knew that Rose would do well, but I also knew my reassurances couldn't calm her entirely until she knew she passed.

Suddenly, Rose seemed to recognize that it was just me and her at the car.

"Who else is going?"

It took almost all of my will power not to grin like a fool. Instead, I did my best to look completely impartial to the fact that we would be alone together for almost the entire human day.

"Just you and me," I replied calmly with a small shrug as I made my way over to open the passenger side door for her.

Glancing back I saw a small looked of surprised recognition on her face. She didn't look upset at the information.

"How far away is it?" I could hear her voice struggling to keep an even tone, and I knew that she was just as happy as I was about the prospect of some time together, even if neither of us would admit it to the other.

"Five hours."

"Oh." Her voice dropped ever so slightly in disappointment as she slipped past me and into the passenger seat. Sure, it wasn't an extremely long time but it was better than nothing. Honestly, this would be the longest time we had ever spent alone together, especially without the possible interruption from other students or Academy staff. Still, I could understand her letdown. My mind flashed back to my dream last night and all the possibilities that could await us with an overnight trip. I shook my head to clear my mind of that line of thinking. No doubt, this was better for us both. I shouldn't even be entertaining these sort of thoughts in my private imagination, much less wishing for an opportunity to put them into action.

I closed her door, perhaps a bit harder than I intended due to my frustration, and took my own seat. She had already found a couple of the doughnuts I had picked up before the key even entered the ignition. She flashed me a grin in silent thanks before taking her first bite and I suppressed another smile of satisfaction knowing that even if I couldn't give her everything she wanted and everything I felt she deserved, I could still make her happy.

The roads were covered with a thin layer of fresh snow, and in the last remaining light of day, it was slightly difficult to see, but didn't hinder our progress too much. I could practically feel the tension radiating off of Rose. She was constantly fidgeting, whether it be tapping her food while staring out the window or wringing her hands as she tried to breath deeply. I wracked my brain for some appropriate way to reassure and calm her but for the life of me I couldn't figure something out.

"Don't they usually come to the Academy?" She broke the silence, starting her thought so abruptly that it took me a minute to understand what she was actually asking. "I mean, I'm all for the field trip, but why are we going to them?"

"Actually, you're just going to a _him_ , not a _them_. Since this is a special case, and he's doing us a favor, we're the ones making the trip."

"Who is he."

I smiled openly, slightly proud that I was able to secure this particular guardian for her Qualifier. "Arthur Schoenberg."

"What!?" Her head snapped towards me and her voice squeaked slightly as she tried to catch her breath.

I grimaced a bit, realizing that instead of reassuring her nerves, I probably just made them ten times worse. It was a natural reaction to expect from her, but I had stupidly spoken without thinking. Arthur was extremely well known and well respected among guardians, even holding the head position on the Guardian Council for a while before retiring to protect one of the the highest ranking Royal Badica families.

"Wasn't...wasn't there anyone else available?" She sounded so small, practically begging for another option. I had faith in her and knew she would do well, but I needed her to see that.

"You'll be fine. Besides, if Art approves of you, that is a great recommendation to have on your record."

She gave a small huff and shook her head incredulously. Silence fell again in the car but with every glance I took towards her, I could see her nerves building. We were less than a half hour into our drive and at this pace she would give herself a heart attack before we made it halfway there. Finally, I saw her gently biting at her lower lip and absentmindedly fiddling with the ends of her hair; a sign that she was nearing her breaking point.

I could understand her hesitation. Her skills were impeccable, and she had already improved greatly during our trainings. However, she had a record to account for. Even though she had eventually been proven right in her instinct to take Princess Vasilisa away from school in an effort to protect her from Victor Dashkov who had intended to use Lissa for his own twisted agenda, she was still burdened with the fact that she had played a significant part in keeping the last of a Royal Moroi line inadequately protected. That coupled with the other minor black marks on her record were enough to make any student nervous.

What she didn't know what that when I set up the Qualifier Interview with Art, I had already sent him her transcript and record. He was already well aware of her record and reputation and was still willing to see her. It was actually one of the reason that I had specifically sought him out to mediate the exam. Guardian Schoenberg was someone who thought and made decisions beyond the ridged lines of rules and tradition. He understood that dedication was more than being perfect, but having the willingness to step outside the lines of perfection to find the path to success. While Rose was a wild card with a reputation for insubordination, I had come to realize that she rarely did something rash without having a reason behind it. Occasionally those reasons fell under that mind baffling "Rose-Logic" of hers, but she never put herself or others in danger without explanation. I had done my best to relay this to Arthur as well, assuring him that many of the problems that plagued her early education were issues of the past, and her dedication to her training and her charge was greater than most students I had seen. Once again, I found myself standing up for her, her education, and her eventual career like I had done the first time we had met. Before agreeing to do the Qualifier with Rose, Art had already assured me that he was inclined to pass her sight unseen, simply because of my faith in her.

However, a bit of nerves tended to focus a person and help in situations such as these so I kept that little piece of information hidden for the time being. I didn't want her to be so nervous that she worried herself sick though, so I did offer some words of comfort.

"You'll be fine," I repeated for what must have been the third time in the last ten minutes. "The good in your record outweighs the bad."

With unusual shyness, she peeked back at me. I felt my breath hitch slightly when her eyes met mine and felt the pull to hold her in my arms. The inclination to do so was coming more often and it was getting harder to ignore each day. I wanted to run my fingers through her hair, I wanted her to feel how my heart raced every time I was near her, I wanted to feel the smile on her lips when I kissed her. Hell, at this point I would settle just to hold her hand in my own. I could see it resting on the center console between us, it would be all too easy to simply reach over and take it. Before I could do so though, she shifted and looked away again.

"Thanks, Coach." Her voice took on a teasing tone as she snuggled into the seat and wrapped her jacket around her tighter. However, it was a brutal reminder of what I was to her. I was a coach, a mentor, a teacher. Perhaps we would advance to be partners and friends as we worked side by side to protect Vasilisa after her graduation, but we would never be more. We could never be more.

"I'm here to help." I kept my voice light and relaxed, but inside I felt another stab in my chest. At least today, we could enjoy each others companionship without the additional pressure of the Academy. It wasn't exactly what I wanted, but it was better than nothing and I was happy to take what I could get.

At least I thought so, until she spoke again. The tone in her voice was taunting again, but it held a dangerously seductive edge to it that terrified me and thrilled me at the same time.

"You know what would really help?"

"Hmm?" Part of me was eager to hear what she would say, the other part of me dreaded it...

"If you turned of this crap music and put something on that came out after the Berlin Wall went down." The laughter in her voice was contagious and soon I felt myself following suit.

"Your worst class is history, yet somehow, you know everything about Eastern Europe."

"Hey, gotta have material for my jokes, Comrade." I gave a huff at the ridiculous nickname, but I silently admitted that I enjoyed it. She only used it during her lighthearted moods, and if this is what it took to relieve some of her stress, then two could play at that game.

Smiling at the thought, I reached for the radio dial, jumping a few channels until I hit one of the three country stations available in this area.

"Hey!" She jokingly smacked my arm, "This isn't what I had in mind."

I did my best to hold back my laughter at her reaction, and was barely able to do so. "Pick. It's one or the other."

For a moment she just stared at me in a bit of shock as if I had asked her to choose between chopping off her left or right leg. Finally, with a dramatic sigh, she made her choice.

"Go back to the 1980's stuff."

I flipped the dial again, relishing in my small victory as she pouted in her seat. However, less than a minute later, she was humming along to "Video Killed the Radio Star."

* * *

_Disclaimer: I do not own Vampire Academy_


	2. Chapter 2

The Badica family lived a short distance from Billings, Montana. They owned a large area of land that gave even their large and technologically advanced home a rustic feeling. I had only been here once before, but I remembered the set up fairly well.

In general, there were only a few schools of thought when it came to living among the human population. The first was to live in heavily populated cities. This allowed Moroi and dhampirs to blend into the dense crowd and keeping a nocturnal schedule wasn't quite as unusual. The second was to live like the Badica family did; in a more rural area where there were less people to notice you. By owning most of the surrounding land, they were able to keep a nocturnal schedule without much notice from others. The only other real options were living in a completely vampiric community like the Academy, Court or some types of communes, or fully assimilating with the surrounding human population and their practices like my family did in Baia.

We arrived at the Badica home around noon. The snow had tapered off a few hours ago but the house was still blanketed in a thick white quilt. Rose stared in awe for a moment and I could see her nerves returning from earlier. I figured that it would be best to take the "rip-the-bandaid-off" method and quickly made my way out of the car and towards the front door, leaving Rose no choice but to follow me. She still had some of her cheery demeanor as she called for me to wait up, moving quickly over the snow covered river rock pathway.

Unfortunately, she was moving just a little too quick and I saw her slip on the ice out of the corner of my eye. I instinctively reached out and caught her by the arm, my mind recalling a similar situation the night we met in Portland.

For half a moment, we just looked at each other. I knew she was remembering that night as well. I pulled her back up into a stable position before asking her if she was alright.

"Yeah." She insisted, straightening out her jacket and brushing off some of the snow that clung to it before looking towards the pathway as if it had personally offended her. "Haven't these people ever heard of salt?"

I almost laughed, but something suddenly clicked in my mind and I felt my body tense for battle. Rose, seeing my reaction, fell into a defensive position beside me without question. I began to survey the area, realizing something wasn't right but not quite able to put my finger on it. Rose was correct, I would have anticipated that the driveway and path leading to the house to be shoveled and salted. We were expected today, and I couldn't think of a reason why they wouldn't have done so. I couldn't see or hear any signs of a struggle, but when listened closer, I realized that there was no sounds at all coming from the house. The Badica family had several small children, and I would have expected to hear at least some noise from them, but there was absolute silence.

Something at the front door caught my eye. It was slightly ajar, just barely noticeable. As I approached I could see that several scuffs marked the doors edge, as if it had been forced open. I tentatively touched the handle. Broken.

Alarms started ringing in my head. I knew whatever lay on the other side of the door, it wouldn't be pleasant. It was obvious that some sort of attack had happened and I felt ill prepared as to what would come. I have very little information to go off of except the forced entry.

_And the footprints,_ my mind finished automatically. There had only been our footprints in the snow leading up to the house. That left two options: either the attack had happened hours ago and the assailant left in time for the snow to cover his tracks, or the attacker was still here. I carefully reached for my stake, still secure in its holster. My fingers brushed gently brushed the loaded pistol that was secured next to it.

"Rose," I whispered, "go wait in the car."

"But wh-"

"Go." I cut her protest off sharply and the command, though quiet, was enough to prompt her to obey.

She backed up several feet before using the lawn to make her way back to the car rather than the pathway. I could see her trying to put the pieces together as she maneuvered through the snow, but she remained silent as she got back into the car. As soon as I saw the car door shut, I took a deep breath and stepped past the door.

It was a massacre inside. Several dead bodies were viable from the doorway. I didn't need to check most to tell that they were gone. The blood that caked them and the surrounding area was dark and dry, probably split hours ago, if not days. I continued to make my way through the house, counting bodies, occasionally checking one to confirm death, and keeping an eye out for any lingering danger.

I reached the bathroom only to find another body in there. I suppressed the sudden urge to retch at the smell of blood and decay. The body had started to decompose in the warmer temperature of the interior room, and while it was that bad yet, it was noticeable.

I had begun to move away from the room when the mirror caught my eye. A message was written on it...in blood.

_**Poor, poor Badicas. So few left. One royal family gone. Others to follow.** _

I had barely had a chance to consider the meaning behind the words when I head a small sound coming from the main area. As quickly and as silently as I could, I made my way back.

I saw Rose standing in the back part of the living room, near the sliding glass door, still as a statue. Her face was pale as her eyes slowly ran over the scene before her. My first reaction was to run to her, the second was to yell at her. I resisted both, knowing that either would probably take her by surprise and I didn't want her to make any noise until I had cleared the entire house.

Instead, I quietly walked up behind her. I kept waiting for her to notice me, but she was completely overwhelmed by the death surrounding her that she didn't hear me. As I got closer, I could hear her breathing becoming frantic, as if she was about to scream or hyperventilate.

I quickly wrapped my arm around her from behind, closing my hand over her mouth to muffle the small cry that escaped. She struggled for just a moment before she somehow realized it was me and relaxed into my arms.

"Why don't you ever listen? You would be dead if they were still here." My tone was much harsher than I had intended, but it wasn't out of anger...it was out of fear. Fear for her. I kept her pressed against me as I listened for any other noises and waited for her breathing to return to normal. Then I held her a few moments longer, just happy to know that in the midst of this tragedy, she was safe.

When I released her, it took a moment before she turned towards me. She didn't meet my eyes and I had to struggle to hear her whisper, "It's daytime. Bad things don't happen in the day."

I could hear desperation, begging me to tell her that this was all just a bad nightmare and that she would somehow be able to walk away and forget she ever saw this. I wished that I could give her that. I wished I could tell her that the monsters she feared weren't real. I wished that I could assure she would never meet such a fate. But none of it was mine to promise.

Instead, I told her the truth.

"Bad things can happen anytime," I told her, reaching out to steady the small sway in her stance, "and this didn't happen during the day. This probably happened a couple of nights ago."

I felt her shudder under my hand as she glanced around the room again, burning the sight into her memory once more before letting her gaze rest on the older Dhampir that lay near the head of the hallway.

"Arthur Schoenberg," I stated, not sure what else to say.

She just continued to stare. "He's dead." Her voice seemed to convey the disbelief in us both. "How can he be dead? How could a Strigoi kill Arthur Schoenberg?"

I looked down, about to say something when I noticed something glint in her hand. She was holding a silver stake. I touched it gently and she flinched, as if she forgot that she had it.

"Where did you get this?" I asked as she allowed me to take it from her grasp. Rose and I hadn't started practicing with a stakes yet, and I certainly hadn't given her one, which meant that she must have found it somehow.

"Outside," she said hollowly, "in the ground."

I studied it for a moment trying to figure out why it would be out there before the truth dawned on me. I spoke my thoughts aloud before I could catch myself, "It broke the ward."

For the first time since I had found her, Rose looked up at me. Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion as she tried to make sense of what I just said. As most of the puzzle became clear, I could still see her struggle for the final missing piece.

"Strigoi can't touch stakes, and no Moroi or dhampir would do it."

"A human might." I stated, knowing the significance of what I just said.

"Humans don't help Strigoi..." but this time, instead of stating it as fact, her words sounded like question. One that she wanted me to confirm.

I looked at her sadly. I could see the fear and confusion on her face. Everything she had been taught, everything she held to be true, was being challenged today. It was enough to shake anyone, myself included.

I saw the smallest bit of reluctant acceptance flash across her eyes when I didn't reassure her.

"This changes everything, doesn't it?"

"Yes," I spoke remorsefully, "it does."

* * *

After a few more minutes, I pulled out my phone and called the local Alchamist for the area. They assured me that they would have a large back up team arriving within a few hours.

I knew I needed to continue to check the area, event though I was fairly certain that anyone left in the home would have made themselves known by now. Without any other direction, Rose followed behind me until I suggested that she wait in the car. She looked almost relieved at the instruction and quickly made her way outside without another word.

Within a half hour, I was seated beside her. There was nothing left for me to do inside. There were no Stigoi lurking, nor were there any survivors of the attack. In total I had counted ten bodies.

We sat in silence for over an hour as we waited for the team to arrive. From the corner of my eye, I could see Rose's distant gaze and I wondered if she has slipped into Lissa's mind simply as an escape from what she had seen here. It was the middle of the day though, and Lissa should be fast asleep. As far as I knew, Rose was unable to enter Lissa's dreams.

Rose had her arms crossed in front of herself, her hands clutching her upper arm as if she was subconsciously searching for comfort. A small part of me wanted to reach out and be that comfort she needed, but I held back. Not only would it be bad to be caught in such a compromising position, but I had no purpose holding her in the first place. We were supposed to be setting boundaries, and breaking down those walls in a moment of weakness would only make things harder later on.

Another hour of silence passed before the first van of guardians arrived. My tongue felt thick with disuse as I told her to follow me inside. "You should see how this is done." If nothing else, this would be a beneficial training exercise.

She looked hesitant at coming back inside, and I wouldn't push the issue if she protested. Lord knows she had seen more than she should've had to today. In the end though, I heard her soft footsteps behind me and I made my way up to the front door once more.

I greeted the couple of guardians I recognized, and introduced myself to the few that I didn't know. Several guardian openly stared at the unusual presence of a novice in such a scene, but nobody questioned it so I didn't say anything.

I showed the group around the scene, pointing to several of the entry points and pointing out some of the minor details I had already picked up on. I even showed them the stake and how Rose had found it outside near the ward line.

Everyone handled the situation with precision and professionalism. The only slight break in that mentality was when Tamara, a female guardian who was a bit older than me, knelt beside Arthur's body. There was a small break in her emotionless mask as she studied him.

Finally, she gave a small sigh. "Oh Arthur. Never thought I'd see the day." Her eyes flickered between Rose and I before she spoke again. "He was my mentor."

I heard Rose's small gasp behind me, and I felt myself stiffen momentarily. There was a small part of me that wanted to call Tamara out on her words because I knew exactly what was going through Rose's mind at this moment.

I knew that there was a part of her that held me up as some untouchable being. It was somewhat expected. I had thought the same of my own personal mentor, Galina. Rose had seen me fight, she had seen me take a few hits, but she had never seen me fail in battle. That didn't mean that I couldn't or wouldn't. There could very well be a day where Rose would kneel beside my body. As much as I hated the thought, I knew I would prefer it to being the one to kneel beside hers.

A certain amount of remorse was expected in these types of scenarios. I remembers the pain I felt when I had been told that Galina was gone. I didn't see it in person, but just the knowledge that me mentor was no longer the pillar of strength she once was made by stomach knot. With the...extra...emotions between Rose and I, it would unimaginably painful if either of us were to die. I knew she wouldn't handle my death any better than I would handle hers.

"How could they do that?" I heard Rose murmur from behind me. I turned to face her, curious as to what she meant. She just looked at me, pleadingly. "How could they kill  _him_ "

Tamara's unnaturally composed voice broke the pregnant silence. "The same way they kill everyone else. He's mortal, just like the rest of us."

It may have seen odd, but Tamara's even temperament wasn't wholly unexpected. This wasn't the first time she had lost someone close to her. We all had. Losing a friend or coworker to the battle had practically become routine for us. Rose was still young and had yet to lose someone close to her. I wish I could say it would never happen, but it was a simple reality in our line of work.

"Yeah, but he's..." her voice faltered, unsure of herself, "you know, Arthur Schoenberg." I could see some of the same desperation returning to her as I had seen when I found her in the house earlier. She was reaching her breaking point again and I knew she needed a distraction.

"You tell us, Rose. You've seen the house. Tell us how they did it."

She looked at me, confused about my request. I stayed locked on her gaze, silently encouraging her to focus on the evidence around us. After a moment, she closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and when she opened them again she seemed like a new person. A Guardian.

"There were four points of entry," she started, gaining confidence as she spoke, "which means at least four Strigoi. There were seven Moroi and three guardians." Her eyes glanced over the bodies in the room, including the three children nearby. "Too many kills. Four Strigoi couldn't have taken down that many. Six probably could if they went for the guardians first and caught them by surprise. The family would have been too panicked to fight."

She was doing well. Six Strigoi was the minimum probable number, it was most likely closer to eight, but she wasn't far off. She could do this.

"And how did they catch the guardians by surprise" I prompted.

She bit her lip automatically as she thought for a moment. I was tempted to give her a hint towards the answer, but knew that she needed to be able to figure this out on her own. Her eyes finally settled on the stake laying nearby one of the fallen guardians.

"Because the wards were broken. In a household without the wards, there would probably be a guardian walking the yard at night. But they wouldn't have done that here."

I gave her a small nod. As proud of her as I was, the smile that tempted me wasn't appropriate here. As we moved towards the hall, Rose walked a few steps before me. I saw her look away from the body as we entered the bathroom again, instead looking at the message written on the mirror in his blood. Several other guardians made small noises of disgust.

As I pondered the message further, the full weight fell upon me.

_**One royal family nearly gone. Others to follow.** _

The Badicas were a small Royal family, but they weren't the smallest by any means. Princess Vasilisa, as the last of the royal Dragomir line, was certain to be a target. While she was fairly safe at the Academy between the wards and the significant guardian process, she would be a major target the moment she stepped outside it's boundaries. I would be a target. Rose would be a target.

From the expression on Rose's face, I could tell she was thinking of Lissa as well. This is how it always seemed to be. Rose was worried about Lissa. I was worried about Rose. This is why we could never have a relationship outside of our professional duties. Not because Rose never put me first, but because I would always put her first. She had it right. I was her mentor, but she was the one who knew her duty.

After I had filled out all the necessary paperwork, and statements had been taken from Rose and I, we were ready to head back. I had spoken to several of the others on the scene who were willing to lay testimony to Rose's dedication to her position as a guardian and complete her Qualifier Exam. It wouldn't hold the single weight of Arthur's recommendation, but I was fairly certain that most student's didn't have ten recommendations behind them. Perhaps I was over compensating for the guilt of exposing Rose to something as gruesome as this scene before it was necessary. It had been a hard day for everyone, but she seemed to be taking particularly hard, from the shock and denial earlier to the anger and frustration that came to a head the moment we made it back to the car.

She slammed the door, slightly tucking into herself as she sat.

"What's wrong?" I asked, hearing how stupid the words sounded the moment they came out.

"Are you serious? How can you ask that?" Her voice rose slightly with each sentence. "You were in there. You saw that."

"I did. But I'm not taking it out on the car." I kept my voice calm, hoping that she would calm down as well. It only worked for a moment.

When she spoke again, she wasn't yelling, but her voice was filled with a particular venom I had never heard from her before.

"I hate them. I hate them all! I wish I'd been there. I would have ripped their throats out."

"You really think that's true." I had no doubt that she wanted to. I had no doubt that she would have tried. I have no doubt that she would have ended up another body on the floor. Hell, I would have likely died as well. She may not be able to see it now, but that many Strigoi against so few guardian's was nearly unsurvivable for anyone. However, it was dangerous for her or anyone to overestimate her strength and ability. "You think you could have done better than Art Schoenberg after seeing what the Strigoi did in there? After seeing what Natalie did to you."

I winced at my own words. I really shouldn't have said that last part. It made my point across, but it was also a slap in the face to her. She reacted as if she felt the physical sting. She was silent for a moment, and just before I could apologize, she beat me to it.

"I'm sorry." Her body seemed to release all her tension and anger in those two words.

"It's okay." My hand found her's before my mind registered what I had done. Still, I left it for a few seconds, as a comfort to us both. "It's been a long day. For all of us."

 


	3. Chapter 3

We arrived at the academy much later than I had intended to. To be perfectly honest, I probably should have gotten a hotel for the night to let us rest before returning to the school, but I still wasn't fully confident in my ability to keep my distance. With how tired and emotionally compromised we were after such a stressful day, it simply wasn't a good idea. I had already slipped and initiated physical contact several times, and though it had been innocent in the eyes of others, it still meant more that it should have. Thus, I pushed us on through the night.

She was asleep when we arrived. I encouraged her to return to her room and rest as long as she could. I want nothing more than to do the same, but I had to meet with some of the other guardians on campus to give a debriefing. Not only did they want first hand information from the attack scene, but bringing a novice to something like this required an incident report to be filed.

When I entered Guardian Alberta Petrov's office, several other lead guardians were already assembled. Guardian Petrov was the head of the school guard, and was well respected in her position. Even though she was nearing 50 years old, she was still fairly lethal. Above all, her experience and wisdom was highly prized. It was rare for a guardian to make it to her age, so when one did, you took notice. She had the ability to be both strategic in battle and compassionate in education. Her position at this school was well deserved.

I also had additional respect for her because she might be the only other person on this campus that can see Rose's full potential. While I might have been the one to bargain Rose's terms of continued enrollment, it was only possible with Alberta's support. She was also the closest thing to a mother figure that Rose had, which endeared her to me a little bit more.

"Guardian Belikov, I wasn't expecting you until tomorrow, but thank you for being here."

"It's no problem. With the developments at the Badica house, I figured that it would be better to discuss this sooner rather than later." I gave them a short debriefing of what had happened, glossing over anything that wasn't purely factual. They heard about the victims, but they didn't have to see their faces covered in blood. They heard about the message written on the mirror, but they didn't have to feel the chill that it inspired. They heard about Rose's involvement, but the didn't have to see the conflict in her eye that fought between shock and rage. I took out all emotions, and left just the bare information.

"Thank you, Guardian Belikov." Despite her professional exterior, I could see a hint of sympathy in her eyes. The only thing worse than having to fight, is finding out you were too late to fight.

"Now on to the next matter," she continued., "Since this incident went public, our phones haven't stopped ringing with concerns from parents about student safety. Though the wards are obviously not fool proof in security, most are still hesitant to leave their safety. Many parents are hesitant to pull students from the school for the holiday, but many parents are still vying for the opportunity to see their children for the holiday break. We simply don't have the space to house the parents who have already called, much less the ones that are still calling now. I'd like to hear some of your ideas on how to overcome this issue."

Several guardians gave ideas, some better than others. Ideally, it would be easiest to keep all students on campus for security. We already had several security measures in place to keep them safe. But with only one building for guest housing, there was no way we could offer housing to everyone who would want it. Some suggested that we prioritize guest housing for those of the high ranking royal families, but it was quickly shot down. A lottery to decide who could stay in guest housing was a slightly more fair option, but still left many families separated. As was the idea that we simply deny access to guest housing entirely and require that families who wish to spend the holidays with their children provide secure transport to and from the Academy. While many royal families may be able to afford this option, a majority of students and their families wouldn't. It quickly became clear that Academy simply wouldn't be the ideal location to make this work.

"Well, where else could we take them? Court is large enough to take the students and their families, but I believe there is a reason why our governing body is so far from the largest collection of our adolescents in the country." The man attempted a joke, but he wasn't entirely wrong, especially on his next part. "Plus, the cost of transporting the students that distance would be astronomical."

"So we need a place that is large, close, and has security measures already set up."

Guardian Stan Alto cleared his throat, capturing the attention of the room. "I think I might know a place. I haven't been there since I worked for the Conta family, but there's a lodge in Idaho, less than an hour or so outside of Lewiston. Several Royal families use it for the Holiday season, but under the circumstance, I'm sure we can work something out to have the students transferred there for the break. It should be large enough for the students and family. There is plenty of security already in place, and as long as the school guardians can team up with the family guardians, there should be more than enough man power to keep things under control."

Honestly, it seemed like the best plan out there. After a bit more discussion, Alberta agreed to the plan and was ready to make some phone calls. She dismissed the group, but asked me to stay behind to fill out the report. I had only just sat down with the paperwork before I felt her presence behind me.

"How's she doing," she asked, the typical hard edge in her voice melting into concern.

"She's doing as well as can be expected." Neither of us had to name who we were speaking about.

"Coming across a scene like that would be hard for anyone, even a seasoned professional. I could only imagine that it was hard on you both."

"She actually handled herself fairly well. She was able to identify the possible time line, and it ended up being a decent training experience for her. It definitely didn't end up being the day I had planned, but we made the best of a horrible situation. Several of the guardians present were able to give witness to her professionalism and complete her Qualifier Exam."

"And emotionally?"

"She's...struggling. Who wouldn't. There were quite a few casualties, including three children. She seemed a bit shocked that someone like Arthur could falter, but I don't think any of us expected that one. He was against staggering odds, but his reputation was almost legendary. However, for someone so young and so unprepared for this, she did really well."

"Well, I'm glad you were there for her."

I didn't know what to say to that, so I just gave a non-committal nod. The smile that I had tried to give to accompany it came out more like a grimace with my lips pulled tight. I might have helped her keep focus through the day, but she had the strength within herself to handle the situation. I couldn't claim to give her that strength, not could I say that I had comforted her like I had wanted to when her strength eventually wore thin. Except for a few moments of weakness, I had kept my distance from her. I briefly wondered if I had made the right choice in denying her that support. I knew I had to keep those boundaries, but perhaps it was selfish of me to enforce that seperation on a day where she needed me. A day where I honestly needed her too.

* * *

The next morning, after a nearly sleepless night, I woke early and tried my hardest to wipe the signs of my restlessness away. Even with the extra time, I felt like I was running late. I made my way to the gym for the our morning practice to wait for Rose.

I had only been there a few minutes, setting up some practice dummies, before I heard her just outside the gym door. I her hand was on the door nob, holding it slightly ajar, and another voice drifted in. It was angry and bitter. I couldn't make out every word, but the overall theme was fairly clear. Mason was calling for action and revenge, just as Rose had last night.

I cringed, remembering the unusual anger that had radiated from her. Her eyes had been dark, nearly pitch black, and she almost seemed out of control. Even though Mason was obviously upset, it wasn't the same. Rose hadn't just been mad, she had looked nearly crazed in that moment. It had shocked me, but I had chalked the strange behavior to exhaustion and frayed nerves. Now I was questioning that a bit.

Whatever the reason for her reaction, I braced myself to hear its reappearance with Mason's encouragement. Instead, I was stunned when she replied calmly.

"I don't know, Mase. I mean, I don't want Strigoi out there, attacking people either...but, well, we aren't even close to being ready. I've seen what they can do. Rushing in isn't the answer."

While I loved Rose for her fire, I was grateful for her surprising temperance in this matter. She almost sounded like me, as strange as that thought was. Perhaps it was just my influence finally coming through.

Before I could think about it any further, she opened the door and started walking into the gym. They were still chatting, but their conversation had turned to the much more exciting topic of the impending ski trip. Rose finally glanced back at me and Mason gave her a playful bow before turning to leave.

She immediately dropped her gym bag near the door and started stretching. I watched her out the corner of my eye for a few minutes before deciding that I needed a distraction.

"So I guess you've heard about the ski trip."

"Yeah, it was a brilliant idea. It still seems a bit odd to be going to such a place and celebrating despite  _why_  we are going there, but perhaps Mason is right: regardless of everything that has happened, we are alive. Why shouldn't we enjoy it a little? It's like an extra bonus on top of the increased safety and security."

"Yes. It should be very nice, despite the circumstances." I said absentmindedly, picking up how awkward she felt about the situation.

A moment later though I could see that teasing grin. "Plus, it should be like going home for you, right?"

I just quirked my eyebrow in response, unsure about where she was heading with this.

"Yeah, you know. Snow, wilderness, skiing as a primary mode of transportation. All we need is a bit of beet soup and it's home sweet home for you."

I could hold back the outburst of laughter. "Rose, I keep telling you: Siberia isn't anything like you are picturing in your mind. While my home may be a little off the beaten path, it isn't snowing twenty-four-seven. Plus, I've only been skiing before once in my life." My mind quickly flashed to the ski trip I had accompanied Ivan on the winter before he passed away. The fact that I could remember him and his death without debilitating pain and guilt didn't escape my notice.

"...and the borscht?" She grinned expecting.

Instead of replying, I just shook my head and laughed as I walked towards my bag. I unzipped it and removed the silver item laying on top, enjoying the familiar weight in my hand.

I had thought long and hard about this last night and decided that she was ready. Seeing her with the stake in her hand yesterday and knowing that she was more likely to hurt herself than anyone else because of her lack of training was the tipping point. I couldn't leave her venerable like that again, not when I could teach her.

"Sweet." I heard her breathy whisper when she recognized what I was holding and what it meant. I knew she had been waiting for this day for a while. She had pushed me once to teach her how to use a stake early in our training, but hasn't done so since. She placed her trust in me to train her. Today, I was showing her that that trust was well placed.

I ran my hand down the smooth body of the stake. While it looked almost identical to every other silver stake in existence, this one had particular meaning to me. This was my first stake. It was the one I had been taught on. The one that claimed my first kill. I hardly used it in battle now, favoring the one Ivan had given me, but I still remember the first time I held it. I had even carved my initials into the base of the hilt. My thumb ran over the familiar etch marks, warn and faded from repeating this gesture over the years. My mentor had given this stake to me and I had every intention of passing it on to Rose at her graduation.

I leaned casually against the wall, pleased at the thought that a part of me would always be there to support her in battle. She would never be alone.

I tossed the stake up with a small twist, causing it to spin a few times before catching it by the hilt.

The small gasp she gave as I caught the weapon pulled me from my silent thinking.

"Please tell me I get to learn how to do  _that_  today."

I could hear the eagerness in her voice and I suppressed the urge to laugh again. She was so easy to be with, but made it so difficult to keep my walls up. I had trained years to remain impassive and unemotional to everything around me, only taking the opportunity to relax around a select few. Rose, however, could pull those responses out of me whether I wanted her to or not. She instinctively understood me, perhaps better than I really understood myself. Whether or not she knew it, she read me like an open book.

I flipped the stake up once again. "You'll be lucky if I let you  _hold_  it today."

I could see the words on the tip of her tongue as she watched the stake spin. The words of protest to remind me that she has already held a stake, but I was grateful when she swallowed them unspoken.

Instead, she stood and crossed her arms in front of her. "You want me to tell you how they work and why I should always be cautious around them."

The way she said it, like a fact more than a question, caught me so off guard that I almost dropped the stake instead of catching it again. Thankfully, reflexes took over at the last second. I looked at her astonished.

She just laughed and rolled her eyes.

"Come on," she insisted. "You don't think I know how you work by now? We've been doing this for almost three months. You always make me talk safety and responsibility before I can do anything fun."

"I see." I couldn't believe we had been working together for three months now. I couldn't tell if it felt like I've known her forever or we just met only yesterday. It was too much to think about at the moment so I attempted to focus on the lesson at hand instead. "Well, I guess you've got it all figured out. By all means, go on with the lesson. I'll just wait over here until you need me again."

I sealed my challenge by sheathing the stake in its holster and made myself comfortable against the wall. Rose stared at me in disbelief for a moment before shrugging.

"Silver always has a powerful effect on any magical creature – it can help or hurt them if you put enough power into it." She started off sounding as if she was reading from her text book, slowly dissolving into her own language. I nodded along as she continued. "These stakes are really hard-core because it takes four different Moroi to make them, and they use each element during the forging." Her face crinkled slightly as she considered something. "Well, except spirit."

I briefly toyed with the thought. She was right and I wondered what effect Spirit would have on the forging of the stakes. I didn't have long to think about the idea before she started again.

"So these things are super charged and are about the only non-decapitation weapon that can do any damage to a Strigoi. But to kill them, it has to be through the heart."

"Will they hurt  _you_?" I prompted.

She shook her head. "No. I mean, well, yeah. If you drive one though my heart it will, but it wont hurt me like it would a Moroi. Scratch one of them with this, and it'll hit them pretty hard – but not as hard as it'd hit a Strigoi."

She glanced over my shoulder and became distant for a moment. I understood why after she spoke again. "And they wont hurt humans, either."

I knew she was still struggling with the idea of humans and Strigoi working together, each using the other to compensate for their weaknesses. It wasn't completely unheard of, but it was extremely rare. Seeing it first hand and for the first time the amount of damage the two could do when they teamed up had shaken me as well. I was about to reach out to her when she returned her attention to me.

She continued, saying exactly what I would have told her. I only needed to offer a clarifying question every so often. She amazed me once again. Not only had she become much more invested in her studies, enough to literally give the lesson, but she also knew exactly what I was looking for from her. Finally, ten minutes before the end of our training time and after she had said everything I could have possibly told her, I led her to one of the dummies.

I removed the silver stake from my hip, and gestured to it slightly as I asked, "Where are you going to put this?"

"In the heart. I already told you that like a hundred times. Can I have it now?" She bounced on the balls of her feet, begging for the deadly weapon like I imagined most normal girls her age would beg for something trivial and trendy, like a new hand bag.

I smiled and continued her torture. "Where's the heart."

She flashed a glare that seemed to question my sanity but I simply shrugged and waited for her answer. In a huff, she pointed towards the left side of the chest. Her jaw dropped when I shook my head.

"That's not where the heart is," I confirmed.

"Sure it is. People put their hands over their hearts when they say the Pledge of Allegiance or sing the national anthem."

I watched her wordlessly, which was enough to question her resolve.

She considered the situation for a moment or two before bringing her and closer to the center of the chest, directly over where the heart would be.

"Is it here?" she asked.

"I don't know, is it?" I smugly returned her question.

As entertaining as it was to tease her, I knew I was pushing the limits of her annoyance when tossed her head back with a groan.

"That's what I'm asking you!"

"You shouldn't have to ask me." Even though she had finally guessed correctly, it was essential that she know it without a doubt. She couldn't question herself when milliseconds counted. "Don't you all have to take physiology?"

"Yeah. Junior Year. I was on 'vacation,' remember?"

I nodded in understanding. Since it wasn't a novice specific class related to combat, it hadn't been a priority when I was planning these extra training sessions. However, it seemed to have at least one vary relevant lesson.

She pointed to the stake in my hand. "Can I please touch it now?"

I almost offered it to her, but a quick glance at the clock reminded me that out time was coming to an end and I knew if I gave it to her now, I wouldn't get it back before she was late to class. Instead, I flipped it one last time and returned it to the holster, much to her dismay.

"I want you to  _tell_  me where the heart is the next time we meet. Exactly where. And I want to know what's in the way of it too."

She glared at me, long past annoyed and inching towards frustration. I wanted to tease her and remind her that she was asking for a weapon, not a puppy, but thought better of it. She looked about ready to attack me, and not in the way I would prefer.

I coughed and dismissed her quickly, startled where my own mind had wondered to so suddenly without my consent.

She was still upset during the first period combat class. After watching her take her frustration out on more than a few classmates, I began to wonder if I had actually chosen the lesser of two evils by not letting her handle the stake. She might have been late, but some of the other students may have gone home with a few less bruises.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One big thing. In Frostbite, there is a place referenced as "Lowston," Idaho that is said to be the closest town to the lodge. There is no actual Lowston, Idaho. Initially, I thought this might have simply been a made up town name like "Baia," but as I continued reading, I think Richelle might have meant Lewiston, Idaho. I lived in the area (I actually live in Spokane now) and other information in the book seems to support the idea. So for my DPOV, Lowston is now Lewiston. It doesn't really make a huge difference to the story, but "Lowston" had bugged me since my first reading and this is my chance to fix it, at least in my own head. I hope you lovely readers don't mind :)


	4. Chapter 4

It was like watching a train wreck. It was hard to miss and impossible to stop.

A notification had been sent to all the school guardians that morning about a few guest speakers who would be in Alto's Theory class during the second hour. Anyone who wasn't on duty at that time was welcomed to attend and since I didn't have a scheduled post, I made my way over without even checking the names of those who would be speaking.

I recognized Janine Hathaway immediately. You would think that the petite five-foot woman would be easy to overlook, but her the way she carried herself made her hard to ignore. I was surprised to see her, especially since Rose hadn't mentioned her coming. Since she so rarely visited Rose on campus, I would have assumed that it would have been something that she would bring up in one of our trainings. I realized why she didn't only a moment later.

Rose walked into the room with Mason, obviously still a bit riled up from earlier but at least she was laughing again. As soon as she saw her mother, the laughter stopped. While her face was cool and impassive, I could see a handful of emotions flash through her eyes. Surprise, confusion, hurt. All while Janine remained impassively cool. She didn't acknowledge her daughter. She didn't even look at her.

Guardian Alto explained that they would be hearing first hand stories from the field to give them a better idea of what to expect. The class seemed to vibrate with anticipation. Part of me wanted to mention that a very large part of being a guardian was simply waiting and watching, however I understood what they were trying to impart. When it was time to act, you couldn't hesitate. You had to act on instinct. You had to act on training.

The oldest of the trio, Guardian John Hensley, started with a story that was fairly helpful because it was a situation that one could easily expect to come across while in the field. He and his partner were guarding their charge family that included a young child. The child wondered off in a public area.

I turned to check on Rose. The earlier insecurity had faded and she seemed to be deep in thought about Guardian Hensley's situation. I could almost see her working out the several options that would have been available to him. I knew what I would have done. It was the same thing Hensley and his partner did. They gathered the family in an easily secured area to be guarded by one, and the other sought out the missing child. A satisfied look shined through momentarily, and I knew she had come to a similar conclusion on how she would have handled it.

The second guardian was much younger, perhaps only a year or two out of the Academy himself. There was a certain cockiness about him that also gave away his inexperience. However, he did present a very important point to the group. There is an unwritten rule: you are always on duty. While I wasn't impressed with his showboating, knowing that we are to protect Moroi whether they are our charge or not, on duty or off, is a lesson you learn quickly after graduation.

Once again, I glanced towards Rose to see if she was analyzing his story and situation as she had done with the first guardian. She wasn't. It wasn't because she lost interest or disagreed though. In her mind, it was simply a given that she would protect any Moroi who needed her, and that anything else was unimaginable. I also knew that this sense of duty wasn't limited to her charge, or even the Moroi population. She would go out of her way to defend any of those who couldn't, regardless of race.

Finally, it was her mother's turn. Guardian Janine Hathaway commanded attention without making a sound, but once she started speaking on her experience, everyone was enraptured. Even I was riveted by what she was saying. Stories like hers were rare and presented a certain drama that would be entertaining if it didn't deal with the actual lives of people.

She spoke about a large gathering put on by her charge that suffered from an attack by four Strigoi. Her casual reference to how that was no longer considered an exceptionally large group since the Massacre at the Badica residence cause a few people to wince, and even I took a deep breath at the memory in attempt to clear the images from my mind. Rose had her eyes pinched close, likely trying to banish the same memories. When she opened them again, they didn't hold relief but annoyance.

I could see that annoyance was starting to build to something more volatile as Janine continued her story and told of how her group had managed to rescue two Moroi taken during the even as well as liberating several others they found being held captive. Rather than being awed by the epic tale like the rest of us were, Rose was enraged. The more harrowing the tale got, the more upset Rose became. She was practically livid when Guardian Hathaway spoke frankly about finishing the last three Stigoi by each of the possible means: staking, decapitation, and burning. The feat was so difficult to do, even I had to silently acknowledge how impressive it was.

As the students started asking her questions, I could see Rose's hand eventually raise with the others. I hoped she would turn so I could dissuade her from speaking. I knew what was coming, but there was nothing I could do but pray that my intuition was wrong and Rose would handle the situation maturely. I was disappointed the moment she opened her mouth.

It wasn't just Rose who proved disappointing though. Janine also left a lot to be desired in the interaction. I was shocked to see the look of surprise Guardian Hathaway gave when she saw her daughter in class. She wasn't being passive and professional by not greeting her daughter, she hadn't even realized that her daughter was in the classroom with her. It was just barely better than outright ignoring her.

Rose posed a decent question about securing the event in question before the attack. At least, it would have been decent has she chosen her words more carefully and kept her tone in check. Janine attempted to answer professionally but the signs of aggravation was there. I doubted everyone was able to pick up on the subtle cues that showed her diminishing self-control, but they were ridiculously similar to Rose's. I had learned to read her long ago.

Still, the final nail in the coffin was when Rose gave an accusation that I would have kicked her out of class for, if Guardian Alto hadn't done so first. I could still hear her voice in my mind.

"Whatever gets you the  _molnija_  marks, right?"

Rose rebelliously pick up her books and left, not meeting the eyes of the guardians glaring at her. I could tell that it was a show. She was embarrassed, but held her head high in defiance. As she passed me, I could see her slow just a bit. Her head turned slightly towards me, as if she was going to look for support. Support that I couldn't – wouldn't – offer her at this moment. Before she sought my gaze though, she changed her mind, perhaps already knowing that I didn't approve of her behavior. She walked out without looking back.

About ten minutes later, Guardian Hathaway slipped out. The yelling started almost immediately. I couldn't hear the entire conversation, though I could make out bits and pieces. The most impressive realization was the fact that the two women were more alike than I believe either of them knew or would like to admit.

Guardian Alto attempted to continue the class as well as could be expected, but it was hard for many students to curb their curiosity. Even a few guardians couldn't keep themselves from eavesdropping.

After a few moments of shouting between them, I glanced towards Guardian Petrov a few feet away. She seemed to be struggling with the same issue I was. Should we intervene? I looked to her for guidance because while I was well equip to handle Rose, both in ability and authority, but Guardian Hathaway was an entirely different matter. Alberta simply shook her head. I couldn't tell if it was in response to my uncertain question, or just her own disappointment about the behavior and relationship of the two women outside. Either way, I remained firmly rooted in my position.

By the time the bell rang and the students finished pouring out of the classroom, there was no sign of either Hathaway. I knew that I would see her later, and I was certain that Mason would find her before I did. It didn't take long to prove my theory correct. In the distance, I could see her walking to her next class, Mason dutifully walking beside her and stealing small brushes against her arm.

The boy was making a much stronger effort to be near her and I had to continually remind myself that it was for the best. She deserved a small amount of normalcy and dating Mason would be ideal for that. Still, there was a part of me that wanted to selfishly discourage the growing relationship. I knew that as her mentor, it would be only too easy to tell her to focus more on her training and studies, effectively encouraging her to spend more time with me rather than him. That temptation was only getting stronger as I noticed a hesitant yet still new receptiveness to his advances. Seeing her look at another man, even tepidly, brought out a side of me that I would rather leave hidden.

I watched them disappear around the corner, and continued to stare a moment longer, as if I could still watch them through the stone wall.

"Dimka?" It was only the sound of a familiar but unexpected voice that eventually caught my attention. Very few people called me by that name. I spun around to see a raven haired woman that I hadn't seen in a handful of years. Her face was impossible to forget, even if she hadn't been a close friend of mine in the past.

"Tasha? I didn't know that you were visiting."

"Yes, I had plans to come for the Christmas holiday. I just arrived a short while ago. I haven't even had the chance to sit down with Christian yet."

"There are a few more hours before the school day ends, but if you'd like, I have some time before I need to be anywhere. Would you like to grab something to eat?" I was curious in catching up and hearing about her life. Most of my motivation was genuine interest, but I had to admit that there was a small part of me that felt guilty that I hadn't reached out to her in quite a while. I haven't spoken to her since I had first arrived to the Academy and even then that was only a phone call.

She accepted with a smile and I led her to the guardian lounge. The food was generally the same offerings as the student's cafeteria for lunch, but the atmosphere was a bit more comfortable. She told me about her life in Minnesota, working at a small martial arts studio and taking some freelance writing jobs in her spare time. I remembered her taking journalism and political science classes at University when she was younger. That education had been cut short when she became Christian's guardian, and was still left unfinished. While she never complained about the sacrifice, and I knew she would willingly make it again, it was nice to hear that she was able to put a little bit of that learning to use.

She asked me about my recent life, and I attempted to keep it fairly general. Most people prefer not to listen to stories about endless rounds of quiet patrol or murdered families. With my job, it's often one or the other. I was a bit surprised when she brought up my training with Rose.

"Christian has mentioned her," She explained. "Apparently he considers her just shy of crazy, but I think they have much more in common then he realizes."

My first reaction was to scoff at the notion, since they appeared to be complete opposites. Rose was social and outgoing, while Christian preferred solitude. However, when I started to think about the pair, it actually made sense. Both were sarcastic, determined, and fiercely loyal to those they cared about. This was best seen with Vasilisa, Rose's best friend and Christian's girlfriend. Couple this with the fact that they both had a habit of stumbling into trouble, and I could see where Tasha was coming from. I told her as much.

"Then I like her already. Tell me more. I know you two spend quite a bit of time in training – something Christian is thankful for, by the way. He enjoys having Vasilisa to himself." Tasha set her elbows on the table and rested her chin in her hands, settling in for what she apparently expected to take a while.

I kept to the basics. How Rose and I met when I was sent to retrieve her and Princess Vasilisa from Portland. Why the girls had left in the first place. How our training sessions were part of the agreement for her continued enrollment. How she's improved in the few short months we've been working together, and how much she continued to impress me. I even mentioned the bond between Rose and Lissa.

I felt myself relaxing as I talked about Rose. It felt good to talk about her in a way that didn't include progress reports. Still, I felt a pang at everything I didn't mention. Everything I  _couldn't_  mention. The way she made me feel with just a glance. The inner struggle of training her to be an outstanding guardian, but wishing that she would never have to risk her life. Victor's lust charm and how I was still haunted by what almost was. How I still wished it could be. Those things had to stay locked within the safety of my own mind.

I honestly had to tread carefully speaking about Rose in general. While Tasha was correct, she was a large part of my daily life and it shouldn't be surprising that I had quite a bit to offer on the topic of my student, I was worried that my inner thoughts might betray me. There was a reason that Tasha had pursued her education in journalism. She had quite the knack for seizing a story and prying it out into the open.

After two hours, our conversation started to wind down. I needed to get ready for Rose's next training, and I'm sure Tasha was eager to meet with her nephew. As we gathered our few items at the table, she invited me to meet with her again.

"I'm staying at that small cabin near the lake on the East end of campus. Do you know the one?"

I nod, remembering one of several old guardian watch-posts that line the school grounds. They aren't used how they once were, as small residences for school guardians who kept an eye on the edges of campus. However, they have the basics of a small home and make a decent place for Tasha to stay during her visit.

"I've told Christian to meet me there later. I found some old-school strap on ice skates and it looks like the pond has frozen over. If you find yourself with some extra time, you should drop by. Who knows, maybe we can continue those skating lessons you wimped out on all those years ago."

I give a small laugh at the memory of one of the few dates we attempted years ago. She insisted on going ice skating and while she was able to glide and spin across the frozen expanse like it was second nature, my balance had a workout simply trying to make it from point A to point B. I still remember her teasing me about my lack of usual grace. She offered to help me improve, but the relationship fizzled back into our easy friendship before we ever made it back.

With a small parting kiss on the cheek and a promise to drop by later if I'm able to, I made my way back to the gym.

I was barely in the gym three minutes before Rose burst through the locker room door and hit the nearest practice dummy just left of center chest.

"There!" She shouted with a grin. "The heart is there, and the sternum and the ribs are in the way." The thought that she looks like a kid in a candy store is only confirmed when she turns back towards me with pleading eyes and a touch of excitement in her voice. "Can I have the stake now?"

I gave a silent nod, accepting her answer but not giving into her pride at figuring out something she probably should have known before this morning. Instead, I countered her answer with another question.

"And how do you get through the sternum and the ribs?"

Instead of a proper answer, she let her head fall back with an exaggerated sigh. I rolled my eyes at her dramatics before I spent the next twenty minutes showing her the answer. She practiced empty handed, watching and mimicking my movements while I adjust her wrist and angle of entry. She picked up fast, but she wouldn't be the first student to sprain something by using the improper technique. She's still behind her classmates in some regards, especially when it comes to the stake, but I have no doubt she'll master this as quickly as she has mastered everything else thus far.

As soon as I feel confident that she's gotten the technique down, I grab my old stake – what will soon be her stake – from my bag. With nothing but a smile, I offered it to her.

The look of confused shock on her face surprised me. She hesitated to accept it, though I can tell that she wanted to.

"You're giving it to me?" she asked incredulously.

"I can't believe you're holding back." The sudden shyness amused me and I couldn't help but tease her for it. "I figured you'd have taken it and run by now."

"Aren't you always teaching me to hold back?" she returned.

"Not on everything."

"But on  _some_  things."

The double meaning in her tone knocked me back a bit, but I quickly realized that it seemed to surprise her as much as it had surprised me. It was unintentional, perhaps even subconscious. Still, it took a moment for either of us to look at one another.

It had been a while since either of us had referenced our mutual feelings. Long enough that I wondered if they were still mutual. She seemed to be getting closer to Mason recently. Perhaps her feelings towards me had shifted. Perhaps I didn't have the same hold on her that she held on me. It was a depressing thought. Depressing, but inevitable.

_This is how it needs to be_ , I reminded myself.

"Of course," I struggled to keep my voice even and unemotional. "It's like everything else. Balance. Know which things to run forward with...and know which to leave alone." I emphasized the last portion, making my opinion on the unspoken matter clear, though it was anything but clear in my own mind.

She met my eyes with understanding that quickly shifted to a sad acceptance as she took a deep breath.

Finally, she reached for the stake in my hand. As she lifted it from my palm, her fingers brushed mine and I felt the familiar spark that often accompanied her touch. If she noticed anything, she didn't acknowledge it, too wrapped up in her careful examination of the weapon.

Her fingertips traced the cool silver almost reverently. Despite my words just moments ago, I found myself wishing that I had the opportunity to study her as thoroughly and with as much devotion as she was currently handling the stake. I imagined my hands running along each curve and plane of her body, committing every inch to memory. It was her question that finally broke my fantasy.

"What should I do first?"

We went over the basics again, with me adjusting her wrist once or twice to account for the weight of the stake. In full teaching mindset, I was mostly able to ignore just how soft her skin was. Soon, she was in front of the practice dummy ready to attempt her first staking. She underestimated to power necessary and only pierced the faux flesh an inch or so. Not nearly enough to be a fatal hit. Her second attempt might have had sufficient force, but she hit the sternum plate within the dummy. Each time, I helped her adjust her position and angle, and with each strike her accuracy became more sure and more deadly.

Perhaps I shouldn't have been surprised at how quickly she learned to pierce the heart. She already had a habit of doing so. I was sure I wasn't the first to succumb to her, and I knew I wouldn't be the last.

By the end of class, it was clear that she was a natural. She hit her intended target more often than not, and did so with a certain type of grace about her. Her breath came harshly with the sharp rise and fall of her chest, her hair coming undone from it's tie. Her eyes shone with fire as she focused on her prey. She was beautiful. She reminded me of the angel that once haunted my dreams, able to avenge or grant mercy on her whim. I couldn't help but adore my angel now incarnate.

"Good. Very good."

She stepped back from her mark and glanced at me with a bit of surprise. "Really?"

"You do it like you've been doing it for years."

She handed her stake back to me with a delighted smile from my praise, and we began to gather our things. I was slipping on my coat when I heard her give a small huff.

"Can I stake that one next time?" She nodded towards a practice dummy with auburn curls. Between that and her sudden anger, I knew her mind had drifted back to her argument with her mother earlier.

"I don't think that would be healthy."

"It's be better than me actually doing it to  _her_ ," she lilted with an almost sadistic undertone. She slung her backpack over her shoulder and quickly exited the gym, leaving me to catch up. I didn't want her to dwell on her anger.

"Violence isn't the answer to your problems," I advised, adjusting my stride to keep pace with her.

"She's the one with the problem," Suddenly, her scowl was exchanged for a witty grin. "And I thought the whole point of my education was that violence  _is_  the answer."

"Only to those who bring it to you first. Your mother isn't assaulting you." I paused, briefly flashing to all the times my own father raised his hand to me or my mother and the one time violence against my own parent had been the answer in the end. Shaking off the memories with a cleansing breath, I continued, "You two are just...too much alike, that's all."

"I'm not anything like her!" She snapped, offended by the insinuation before rolling her eyes and adding, "I mean...we kind of have the same eyes. But I'm a lot taller. And my hair's completely different."

I resisted the urge to touch said hair and instead quirked my eyebrow at her half-heartedly playful words. "I'm not talking about your appearances, and you know it."

The facade she was hiding behind slowly melted as she pondered what I had said.

"You think I'm jealous?"

Jealously wasn't what I had in mind, but with that answer, perhaps she felt she was and I couldn't help but wonder why. "Are you? If so, what are you jealous of exactly?"

"I don't know. Maybe I'm jealous of her reputation. Maybe I'm jealous because she's put more time into her reputation than into me. I don't know."

It was quiet as I thought about what she said. It couldn't be easy trying to live up to her mother's reputation, especially when her mother only seemed to acknowledge her when she fell short of it. I felt like Rose was well on her way to creating her own phenomenal reputation that would match, if not surpass her mother's given the chance. Still, she had to know that her mother was an amazing guardian and had earned her notoriety.

"You don't think what she did was great?"

"Yes. No. I don't know. It just sounded like...I don't know...like she was bragging. Like she did it for the glory...for the marks."

My breath halted and my body tensed at those last three words. Instinctively, my hand went to the back of my neck where my own seven  _Molnija_  marks were tattooed. Rose understood my feelings better than most about the necessary evil of killing Strigoi and the needless life lost. She knew that I didn't bare my marks with pride, but with a form of guilt.

"You think facing down Strigoi is worth a few marks? I thought you'd learned something from the Badica house."

My obvious disappointment didn't escape her and I could already see the regret forming on her face. "That's not what I -"

"Come on." I cut her off sharply, turning towards the other end of campus.

"What?" She looked between me and her dorm that was in the direction we had been walking towards moments ago.

"I want to show you something."

She nodded and started following me. "What is it?"

"Not all marks are badges of honor."


	5. Chapter 5

We followed an unbeaten trail into the woods surrounding campus. Gradually, the noise of students faded and all we were left with was the wild sounds of winter. The snow crunched steadily under our feet and occasionally, the trees above us rustled from birds flitting branch to branch. Rose fell back to use my own footprints as a pathway where the snow was gathered a bit deeper.

About twenty minutes later, our destination came into view.

"What is that?"

The small log cabin was rustic at best and had seen better days. The roof dipped a bit under the weight of the snow, and the paint on the doors and window frames was chipped to the point of nonexistance. Still, with a steady line of smoke rising from the chimney and surrounded by the quiet of the snow-laden evergreens, it had a certain charming quality to it.

"Old watch-post," I replied. "Guardians used to live on the edge of campus and keep watch for Strigoi."

"Why don't they anymore?"

It was a good question. Honestly, with recent events, it would probably be a good idea to have guardians posted out here, I'd even volunteer for the position since it offered a bit more solitude than the cramped living quarters in Guardian Housing. But I knew it wouldn't happen.

"We don't have enough guardians to staff it. Besides, Moroi have warded campus with enough protective magic that most don't think it's necessary to have actual people on guard." I attempted to keep the bitterness from my voice and probably failed miserably.

Soon, the quiet of the woods was broken by distinctly human voices. I could hear Vasilisa's laughter before we rounded the cabin's edge. She and Christian were struggling to move across the iced-over pond without falling and without letting go of one another. I swallowed the small lump of envy at their easy relationship.

Suddenly, despite our near silent movements, Lissa noticed Rose's appearance and called out to her. I couldn't help but wonder if she had a subconscious recognition of Rose's proximity, similar to how the bond allowed Rose to locate Lissa at a moment's notice. They insisted that the bond was one way, but the two had an unnatural ability to find one another.

"Thanks for inviting me to the party," Rose called back with some mock jealousy. At least, I assumed it to be in jest. I knew it wasn't easy for her to give up so much social time to catch up on her training, especially when Princess Vasilisa wasn't bound by the same commitment, regardless of missing almost two years of schooling herself. Rose missed quite a few moments like this with her friends. While I enjoyed the extra time that gave me with her, there were times where I wondered if she felt the same.

"I figured you were busy. And this is a secret anyway. We aren't supposed to be here."

Christian eyed me suspiciously at Lissa's confession. Perhaps he thought I was here to rat them out. His concern was dispelled as soon as Tasha skated towards us.

"You bringing party crashers, Dimka?" She chided cheerfully.

I laughed openly. All three students looked taken aback at our familiarity, though I could understand their surprise. I wasn't exactly known for my social prowess.

"It's impossible to keep Rose away from places she shouldn't be. She always finds them eventually."

Finally, Tasha tossed her ebony hair back behind her shoulders and I heard a quick intake of breath beside me. I glanced at Rose, grateful that she was able to keep any more dramatic reaction at bay.

I couldn't fault her for the small slip though. Tasha's appearance had that effect on many people. She had always been quite beautiful, and even I had fallen prey to her physical charm in my younger years. Her black hair set off the pale blue in her eyes, and her delicate features often rested in a pleasant smile. However, these things were now overlooked by many due to several streaks of purple scarring under her left eye.

I remember her trying in vain to cover the marred skin after Christian's parents willingly turned Strigoi and attacked her in an attempt to reach her nephew - their son. After a few weeks though, Ivan and I had the opportunity to visit her and he had convinced her that her injury wasn't something to hide, but that she should hold her head high and without worry of what others thought. He likened her scars to the marks on my own neck, a sign of strength and willingness to protect those in need of protection. Even then, I felt like my tattoos didn't compare. I fought with training and duty behind me. She defended out of instinct and love.

The encouragement seemed to work though, and I never saw her attempt to conceal them again. If anything, she wore it proudly. Overtime, the scars faded a bit, but they would never heal completely.

Rose recovered quickly from her minor shock, taking Tasha's hand immediately when it was offered.

"Tasha Ozera," she greeted. "I've heard a lot about you, Rose."

I saw Rose flash a look of surprise before glaring at Christian. It stung a little that she didn't even consider that I was the one who had spoken of her.

Tasha seemed to be thinking along the same lines, quirking her eyebrow at me before reassuring Rose with a gentle laugh.

"Don't worry. It was all good."

Christian crossed his arms and smiled smugly. "No, it wasn't."

Lissa smacked his arm while Tasha shook her head in exasperation. Christian just shrugged.

"Honestly," Tasha lamented, "I don't know where he got such horrible social skills. He didn't learn them from me."

Rose took in the surroundings again before changing the subject. "What are you guys doing out here?"

"I wanted to spend some time with these two" she gestured to the young couple, who seemed completely lost in their own world at the moment, "but I don't really like hanging around the school itself. They aren't always...hospitable."

"Because...because of what happened..." The way Rose said it was half in question, half in statement, and overall tinged with a bit of disappointment.

I understood that disappointment. Both Tasha and Christian were often treated like second class citizens because of the choice that Christian's parents made. It didn't matter that they had no influence in the decision that Lord and Lady Ozera had made to willing turn Strigoi, Christian would always unjustly bare the weight of his parents' sins. Perhaps Tasha could have been spared the same fate, but by taking in Christian, she had also been painted with that stigma. Not to mention, the constant reminder of their choice left on her cheek.

Still, she brushed it off like it was nothing. "That's the way it is. But lets not stand out here when we can sit by the fire inside."

It only took a few moments for Tasha to pull out a bag of marshmallows, and the students started toasting them by the fire. They started talking among themselves so Tasha and I fell into our own conversation. It was good to hear about her life and how she has been training at the Dojo. She even asked if I could work with her one afternoon to get some new insight for the self defense class she was leading early next year.

Our conversation flipped between English and Russian, favoring the latter. Tasha was still fluent from her years near St. Basil, though her accent was more pronounced now and always made the words sound slightly off. I'm sure I had the same effect when I spoke English. Still, it was nice to converse in my native tongue for a little while. Despite our race's general heritage, not many people spoke Russian here. Spanish and French were still the most popular language choices, just like any other school in America.

I was so wrapped up in our own conversation, it took me a while to notice Rose watching us with a curious fascination. Christian and Lissa were back in their own world again, leaving Rose to be a silent observer. Before I could think of a way to include her, she addressed Tasha.

"So are you coming on the ski trip?"

I knew Tasha would need to if she was planning on spending the holiday with Christian. Even though it was a last minute plan to move the students to the ski lodge, I'm sure the school had worked with Tasha to get her there as well. She didn't seem worried about it, stretching out to get more comfortable on the chair near the fireplace and offering a lazy nod in reply.

"I haven't been skiing in ages. No time. Been saving all my vacation for this."

"Vacation?" Rose sounded a bit surprised. "Do you have a job?"

Normally, the question would come off as entirely rude. However, Tasha already seemed comfortable with Rose's apparent frankness. Plus, in contrast to Christian's occasional behavior, this was nothing. No one could fault her for her curiosity. It wasn't common for a royal Moroi to work, and despite the fact that they were less than accepted in the royal community, they were still of the bloodline.

"Sadly, yes." Tasha looked anything but sad at the admission. Even if it wasn't necessary for her to work, I'm sure she still would. She couldn't stand idleness in herself or in others. "I teach martial arts classes."

If Rose didn't admire Tasha before, she definitely did now and it was apparent by the approval on her face. While Rose and I had never openly talked about it, I wouldn't be surprised if she felt the same way I did about Moroi learning to fight; everyone should have the tools to physically defend themselves. I had even taught Ivan a few techniques to protect himself if there was ever a need, hoping that there never would be. Against another Moroi, I'm sure he would have been fine. Fighting Strigoi was another matter entirely. Nothing I could have taught him would have prepared him for that.

"What do you think, Rose? Think you could take her?" Christian goaded.

"Hard to say." Rose eyed her playfully, knowing the answer without a doubt. Tasha would never stand a chance against her.

"You're being modest," she replied. "I've seen what you guys can do. This is just a hobby I picked up."

"Now  _you're_  being modest," I insisted. "You could teach half the classes here." It wasn't a lie. Tasha may not have the physical strength to overpower the older dhampir students, she still had a good grasp on technique and method.

She scoffed at the notion. "Not likely. I'd be pretty embarrassing to be beaten up by a bunch of teenagers."

I looked at her with a sly grin. "I don't think that's happen. I seem to remember you doing some damage to Neil Szelsky."

Tasha laughed and rolled her eyes, remembering the same incident I was. It was right after my own graduation, the same year Ivan and Tasha's younger cousin, David, had graduated as well. She had attended the post graduation celebration, and Neil had been a bit too aggressive in his attempts to woo Tasha that night. The aftermath was the only thing people were talking about by the end of the night.

"Throwing my drink in his face wasn't actually damage," she smirked. "Unless you consider the damage it did to his suit. We all know how he is about his clothes."

The conversation dissolved into a fit of laughter as she referenced how obsessed he had been about her ruining the silk shirt he had worn that night. If you hadn't known better, you would have thought she had killed his dog in cold blood. Honestly, he might have preferred that.

Eventually, Rose pulled the conversation back on track. "Did you start learning before or after that happened to your face." Yep...there was that frankness.

"Rose!" Lissa hissed before I had a chance to admonish her myself.

Thankfully Tasha didn't seemed offended by the blunt question. Instead she eyed her thoughtfully, almost approving of her candid observation. Perhaps I shouldn't have been surprised. Tasha didn't appreciate people tiptoeing around the obvious.

"After," Tasha finally admitted. "How much do you know?"

"The basics." Rose glanced at Christian, who seemed more intrigued than upset about the direction this was going. I'm sure it had taken quite a bit of time, but Christian seemed to have accepted what had happened so long ago.

"I knew..." Tasha nodded absentmindedly, already fading back to the memory in her mind, "I knew what Lucas and Moria had become, but that still didn't prepare me. Mentally, physically, or emotionally. I think if I had to live through it again, I still wouldn't be ready."

I understood exactly what she was talking about. Nobody, not even those of us who train for years for the exact purpose, are prepared for the first time we face Strigoi. Way too many freeze and pay dearly for it. I glanced at Rose, wondering if she was remembering her first encounter only a few short weeks ago. Reflexively, I rubbed the back of my neck.

"But after that night," Tasha continued, "I looked at myself – figuratively – and realized how defenseless I was. I'd spent my whole life expecting guardians to protect me and take care of me. And that's not to say the guardians aren't capable. Like I said, you could probably take me in a fight. But they – Lucas and Moria – cut down our two guardians before we realized what had happened. I stalled them from taking Christian...but just barely. If the others hadn't shown up, I'd be dead, and he'd..." She faded off, words failing her for a moment.

Christian reached out to take her hand, perhaps reminding her that he was still there. It seemed to revive her voice again.

"I decided that I didn't want to die that way, not without putting up a real fight and doing everything I could to protect myself and those I love. So I learned all sorts of self-defense. And after a while, I didn't really, uh, fit in so well with high society around. So I moved to Minneapolis and made a living from teaching others."

She was being overly nice about her situation. She was practically forced out of court by those who thought her ideas were radical. They may not have physically pushed her through the front gate, but they isolated her and Christian socially until they couldn't stay any longer.

But it did give her a chance to dive into her defensive magic like she couldn't have done otherwise. I had been worried when she had told me that she was practicing magic defensively. It was technically illegal now, but I understood her desire to protect herself. Honestly, I wished more Moroi would share it. I was more than willing to fight for them, but it was a difficult task that could be made much easier by fighting along side someone. Guardian numbers have been declining ever since our races stopped fighting together.

Thankfully, our conversation became much lighter after that. It felt good to catch up and hear what old friends were up to. Despite being more active in Moroi world than Tasha was, her social nature kept her much more in the loop. After another hour or so, I could see daylight starting to break and knew we should be going soon.

Tasha must have noticed the coming dawn as well. She checked her watch before turning to Rose and Lissa, "Where's the best place a girl can go shopping around here?"

The younger two exchanged a pointed glance. "Missoula."

The news didn't seem to thrill her. "That's a couple hours away, but if I leave soon, I can probably still get some time before the stores close. I'm hopelessly behind in Christmas shopping."

Rose pouted dramatically. "I'd kill to go shopping."

"Me too," Lissa chimed, mirroring her friend's expression.

Rose turned her charm on me, giving me hopeful eyes. "Maybe we could sneak along...?"

"No." If it was as easy as just slipping them into the car, I might have given in, but with Lissa attending there would have to be me and at least one other guardian – perhaps two – going with her. Not to mention paperwork and the fact that they had classes tomorrow.

"I'll have to grab some coffee, so I don't fall asleep on the drive in," Tasha declared with a yawn, walking to the small kitchenette and putting on a tea kettle.

"Can't one of your guardians drive you?"

Tasha shot me a sardonic smile before answering Rose. "I don't have any."

"Don't have any...You don't have any guardians?" Her voice was incredulous, and she looked to Christian for confirmation.

"Nope"

"But that's not possible! You're royal. You should have at least one. Two, really."

She wasn't wrong. As someone of royal linage, she would typically be assigned a guardian without question. She had been given one when she was younger. One had passed when she received her scar, and the other had been reassigned just a few weeks later without explanation. She was never assigned another.

Christian scoffed bitterly. "The Ozeras aren't exactly first in line when guardians get assigned. Ever since my parents...died...there's kind of been a shortage."

The implication was clear. His entire family name suffered when Lucas and Moria made their choice, but nobody suffered more than Tasha and Christian. They've been ostracized from their family and the rest of the Moroi society ever since.

"But that's not fair. They can't punish you for what your parents did." Rose wasn't one to let others be pushed around, especially those that she cared about. Despite what she said and how she acted, it was clear that she cared for Christian, if for no other reason than because he made Princess Vasilisa happy. However, her call for justice was starting to get her worked up.

"It's not a punishment, Rose," Tasha insisted, trying to lessen the building tension in the room. "It's just...a rearranging of priorities."

"They're leaving you defenseless. You can't go out there by yourself!"

If Rose was passionate about fighting for the justice of others, Tasha was just as passionate about fighting for her own independence. "I'm not defenseless, Rose. I've told you that. And if I really wanted a guardian, I could make a nuisance of myself, but it's a lot of hassle. I'm fine for now."

I could see Rose wasn't satisfied with the answer, not because she felt Tasha wasn't able to take care of herself, but because she shouldn't have to. Hoping to calm the building storm, I spoke up.

"You want me to go with you?" I offered.

Tasha seemed surprised at my offer. "And keep you up all night? I wouldn't do that to you, Dimka."

"He doesn't mind," Rose interjected before I could protest the issue.

"I really don't." I had to grin at Rose speaking for me. Typically, someone doing so would be an annoyance, but Rose did so with so much enthusiasm and assuredly, that it was almost endearing. If anyone knew me enough to speak on my behalf, it was Rose.

Tasha eyed me hesitantly, before smiling. "All right. But we should probably go soon."

The students gathered their things and I spoke with Tasha, finalizing out plans to meet in a half hour near the gates. By the time we finished, Christian, Lissa, and Rose were out the door.

"I have an extra travel mug. You still like your coffee the same way, right Dimka?"

"Black? Yes. Thank you." We parted, exchanging a kiss on the cheek. "I'll see you soon."

I caught up to Rose quickly, adjusting my pace once I was next to her. She was walking slowly, allowing Christian and Lissa to enjoy some privacy as they walked a few yards ahead.

"So, what do you think of her?" For some reason, Rose's approval of one of the few people I really considered a friend felt important. Her answer made me more anxious than made sense, considering the situation.

"I like her. She's cool."

I felt the tension in my shoulders dissipate with her acceptance.

She was quiet a moment longer, thinking. "And I get what you mean about the marks."

"Oh?" I had practically forgotten our original reason for coming, but I was glad that she didn't.

"She didn't do what she did for the glory. She did it because she had to. Just like...just like my mom did." I could tell that it was hard for her to admit, but I could also see an almost visible weight lift off her shoulders when she did so. "The marks don't matter.  _Molnija_  or scars."

I knew that the lesson had hit home, and I was proud of her. "You're a fast learner."

She smiled up at me, and my heart skipped a beat. I was once again overcome with the feeling to take her in my arms, but I glanced towards the pair ahead of us and tried to content myself with just walking along side Rose. I had to be content with walking along side her.

It wasn't long before Rose directed her attention elsewhere. "Why does she call you Dimka?"

I laughed, amused by her short attention span. I had laughed so often tonight, letting down my guard more than I had in a long time, and it was beginning to feel natural. "It's a nickname for Dimitri," I explained.

"That doesn't make any sense. It doesn't sound anything like Dimitri. You should be called, I don't know, Dimi or something."

"That's not how it works in Russian."

"Russian's weird."

"So is English," I insisted, giving into the impulse to defend my home country. Only in the English language can the name Robert be shortened to Bob and Richard's nickname is Dick. I was about to tell her as much when she brushed up against my arm, giving me the sly look that meant she wanted something she knew I'd object to.

"If you teach me to swear in Russian, I might have a new appreciation for it."

I again felt a guilt at her figuring out my vice. I hadn't done much to conceal it, hiding behind the safety of the different language, but it didn't take long for Rose to start understanding my occasional outburst during out trainings. She had frankly called me out on it two weeks ago and has been trying to get me to teach her the meanings ever since.

"You swear too much already," I replied, falling into the same reasoning I always did for this conversation.

"I just want to express myself," she spoke with a overly fake sweetness.

"Oh, Roza..." I sighed, once again fighting the urges that were coming more and more each day. I knew something would have to give soon. "You express yourself more than anyone else I know."

We fell into a comfortable silence as we walked. I peeked down at her, enjoying the opportunity just to be next to her with no other purpose than to just enjoy each other's company. I could see her turning something over in her mind and I waited patiently for her to share it with me.

"You know, there's something funny about Tasha's scars," she started.

"What's that?"

"The scars...they mess up her face..."

I flinched at her words, remembering the abrasive insults that were thrown at Tasha because of her appearance. Still, I could tell Rose was struggling to put together the words, so I gave her the benefit of the doubt. It wasn't like her to ridicule someone on something superficial.

"...I mean, it's obvious that she used to be really pretty. But even with the scars now...I don't know. She's pretty in a different way. It's like...like they're a part of her. They complete her."

I was stunned. Despite what many thought, Rose was actually very mature in many ways. She saw the good in people when many others didn't. She saw beauty where others saw scars. I loved her for it.

"You're a fast learner, Roza." It wasn't what I wanted to say, but I could never say what I really wanted to tell her.


	6. Chapter 6

The drive, despite being long, was pleasant. Between the coffee and conversation, the hours passed much faster than they should. I was surprised that Tasha and I didn't run out of things to talk about. It almost felt like old times, before Ivan's passing. It felt good to let down those walls that I felt like I was constantly working to keep up these days.

"So, a ski trip. That sounds like fun. Are you excited to hit the slops again?" She teased.

"We all know how that turned out last time." I quipped back, not relishing the memory of how sore I had been the next day. "Unfortunately, I'm taking on extra shifts for the trip. Since it's a new location, all of us are putting in a little more time to make sure security is completely covered. The unpredictable nature of some recent attacks have everyone on edge and we aren't taking any chances."

"They have you working a ton here, don't they? I don't remember Ivan ever keeping you so busy..."

"I'm in a bit of a different situation than most of the school guardians. Rose's additional training schedule takes a majority of my extra time." I wasn't complaining, I looked forward to those sessions, but they didn't leave a lot of down time between my shifts.

"Have you ever thought about going back to guarding for families?"

"I'll be guarding Princess Vasilisa as soon as she graduates."

"Yes, but that probably wont be too much of a lighter load. Lissa is the last of her line. She will be under a near constant threat. You'll hardly be able to take a break or relax."

"I'm sure Rose and I will be able to handle it," I assured her.

"Yes, Rose seems nearly as dedicated as you," I could hear her clear approval of Roza, even through her playful jibe at us. "Quite a little student you found yourself there. I'm sure you two can handle anything, but should you have to? Wouldn't you like to have something closer to normalcy?"

I laughed softly, almost charmed by the fact that she thought it was possible for me – for any guardian – to have something akin to normalcy. "That would be nice Tasha, but normalcy doesn't really factor into the guardian lifestyle."

"But what if it could?"

She sounded so hopeful. Hopeful enough that I actually felt a bit ashamed of how annoyed it made me feel. I didn't say anything to her though. I knew she didn't mean to strike a nerve in me. She didn't understand that no matter how much I wanted it, I would never have the opportunities that she had. Instead I smiled, albeit humorlessly.

"Tasha, if you can find a way to get me the 'wife, kids, and white-picket-fence' lifestyle, then I'm all ears."

Our conversation stalled for a while after that, both of us slipping into quiet personal contemplation.

Tasha simply stared out the window at the gradually changing scenery. Within a moment or two, she had become so preoccupied with her thoughts that she didn't notice that she was biting at a fingernail. It was an old habit of hers that I knew she had been trying to kick for years, but for a moment, it was nice to see that some things never changed. I decided to look away rather than call her out on it. I had my own mind to contend with at the moment.

Many of my own thoughts fell into the realm of self pity. Most days, I was content with my lot in life. I knew that I was fulfilling a needed role, I was good at what I did, and I was helping others. However, it was getting harder and harder to simply remain satisfied. I wanted more. I wanted things that I couldn't have. I could feel that frustration eating away at me.

Thankfully, I wasn't left to stew in my disappointment too long. After some time in her own quiet thoughts, Tasha brought back the conversation to lighter topics.

Like I had done with Ivan on these sort of outings, I stayed as a near guard to Tasha. It was nice not to hide in the shadows. We talked, and she even asked my opinion on a few of the gifts she was purchasing.

She did surprised me when she said she wanted to pick up something for Rose. It was a bit odd that she was so set on getting something for a girl that she had only met a few hours ago, but it wouldn't be the strangest impulse that Tasha had given into. Perhaps the two had somehow hit it off better than I had thought.

"I'm thinking a dress. Poor thing spends all day with you and a whole bunch of novice boys, doing nothing more than learning to fight and discussing guardian strategy. She probably doesn't get nearly enough opportunities to show off the fact that she's a girl. I wonder if those boys have even noticed!"

I'm fairly certain they were aware just how feminine Rose was. From personal experience, it was difficult to miss. I've seen enough of her classmates staring at her to know I wasn't alone.

"What about this one? She'd be stunning in it!" She pointed to something behind me, and simply based on her excitement, I was terrified to look.

It was high-necked with an Asian flare, but it was easy to see that the fabric would cling to her curves dangerously. I couldn't quickly think of a way to dissuade Tasha's choice without her asking questions.

"What do you think, Dimka? Black or Red? They have both in her size."

"Red." I said it a bit too quickly, before she had even finished her last question. The last thing I needed was Rose in another black dress.

Tasha didn't seem to notice anything though. "You're right. Rose deserves to stand out. Red will suit her better."

I gave a small breath of relief as she brought the dress to the front counter.

She quickly finished the rest of her shopping and offered to help me with any of mine. I declined. Anything that I was planning to send to my family had been sent out over a week ago. The only other person I could imagine shopping for was Rose. Part of me wanted to, but I wasn't sure how to toe that line without overstepping our tenuous mentor and student relationship.

With nothing else to do, we ordered some food from a near by burger place before returning back to the Academy. We were about halfway through our lunch before our light conversation took a heavy turn once again.

"Did you mean it?" Her question was so completely out of left field that I had not clue what she was talking about.

"Excuse me?"

She swiped another one of my french fries, and with a grin, repeated her question. "Did you mean what you said earlier about listening to any idea I had about giving you that white-picket-fence you wanted."

I had meant it sarcastically, but from the look of Tasha's face, she had taken it to heart and actually had something in mind. While I doubt that it would ever work, I couldn't say I wasn't intrigued. I quirked my eyebrow and waited for her to continue.

"Be my guardian."

I nearly chocked on my sip of water, barely catching myself before I made a fool of myself.

She continued on, all her words now rushing together. "You know that guarding me would be different than guarding nearly any other Moroi. You know that I can hold my own. Even today, you've been able to relax more than I'm sure you ever had with a charge. Admit it."

She had me there. Subconscious or not, I knew that Tasha wasn't helpless. If anything, she would be there fighting alongside me whether I wanted her to or not. Don't get me wrong, I was still on alert. I had been watching the area and scanning for threats, but I typically didn't typically converse and interact with those that I was guarding like this.

"You're right, Tasha. I have been acting differently with you than I would with someone else. But why do you even want to have a guardian? You haven't requested one in years."

"Oh, I could care less about having a guardian to protect me and you know it," she waved off my question flippantly. "I'm more concerned about you. You deserve better than what fate has handed you, Dimitri. All you guardians deserve better. However, I can't personally help every single one of them. I can offer you a way out though."

"A way out? I like what I do Tasha. Sure, my career comes with some downsides, but I can't imagine doing anything else."

"And you wouldn't be doing anything else," she insisted. "You would still be a guardian. But when it comes to guarding, does it really matter who your charge is? I'm no Princess Dragomir, I know, but perhaps I do have a little bit more to offer than she does as a charge."

Guarding the last Dragomir was a high honor. I had been surprised when they assigned me to her. However, with Vasilisa's unique situation, she would be constantly under threat. I couldn't find a more active position other than on the Royal Guard for the Queen herself. "And what exactly are you offering?"

She looked away, hesitant and almost...shy? Tasha was typically confident in everything she pursued, using it to push through the opinions others flung on her based on her physical appearance. Seeing even a little insecurity from her made me wonder.

"Well...in time...perhaps...our relationship could change. We ventured down that path once and it was cut short, perhaps before its time."

She was talking about our brief relationship years ago. It had been before Ivan's death, a year or so after my graduation. It had lasted a handful of weeks before my job as Ivan's guardian and the travel that it entailed had put too much distance between us and things simply faded. It was amicable and we had stayed friendly after the breakup, but it was obvious now that whatever we had back then never would have amounted to anything. Or, at least it was to me.

I sat back in our booth, taking in a deep breath and shrugging off the surprise that accompanied her offer.

Perhaps my silence made her nervous, because she quietly added, "You don't have to say anything now."

I looked away without a word, still somewhat stunned at the proposition to fully absorb it, much less make a comment on it.

By the time we finished our meal, it was about time to head back. We loaded up the car and made our way along the nearly empty interstate. This time, the ride was silent when Tasha fell asleep about a half hour into the trip. I was grateful for the silence.

I helped carry a few of Tasha's bags from the car back to the cabin, the sun low on the horizon. It was only about two hours before I would be up again to start my morning training session with Rose.

"Thank you, Dimka. Your help meant a lot, especially since I know it's going to throw off your whole day." She offered a small apologetic smile as we reached the steps leading up to the cabin's porch. "Are you able to get any rest before you have to work?"

"A little, but I've dealt with worse. Don't worry "

My attempt to reassure her just made her look a bit more sorry. "I know."

I set the bags inside the door, ready to head back and get some sleep. As I said my good bye, I leant down to kiss her cheek in parting.

My lips didn't meet her cheek though. At the last second, she had turned her face just slightly, reaching up to capture my chin and hold me still against her lips a moment longer until my surprise caused me to pull away. I'm sure I must have looked shocked, but if I did, she didn't seem offended by my expression.

"I meant what I said before, Dimitri. About my offer. You don't have to answer right away, I'm not leaving until after the trip, but promise me you'll at least think about it. You deserve everything life has to offer."

"I'll think about it." The words came out unbidden, almost reactionary, but I realized as I made the long walk to my apartment... I actually meant them.

What Tasha was offering was unprecedented. Dhampir men rarely had the opportunity to enjoy married life or fatherhood, at least not without the disgrace of leaving their Guardian position. We had relationships, but they were typically with other dhampirs and they never lasted long. Many Moroi felt dhampirs were beneath them, and the guardian lifestyle wasn't exactly conducive to a serious relationship.

Dhampir women didn't have it much easier. While they often became mothers, it was usually the product of a short term relationship, casual affair, or even just a one night stand. Their pregnancies weren't born out of mutual love and respect, but a need for our race to survive. Two dhampirs couldn't reproduce on their own.

As much as I proclaimed to be fine with my guardian lifestyle, it was lonely. I missed the sounds of my family living around me. I longed for a companion to share my life with. Guarding Ivan had abated some of solitude, but I always felt the odd sensation as if I was intruding on someone else's home and family. I felt certain that the feeling would follow with any charge I had, including Vasilisa. I would always be a stranger, wherever I lived.

What Tasha was offering was different though. Yes, on paper, I would be guarding her. She would be my charge. But she could never just be my charge. She was a friend. She could be more. She could allow me to be more. But could I really allow myself that?

I was leaving the cover of the wood, heading back towards the guardian apartments when I passed Janine. She must have been on a patrol. I couldn't think of any other reason for her to be out at this time. I nodded respectfully in greeting.

"Guardian Belikov, right?" She stopped beside me.

"Yes ma'am."

"We haven't formally been introduced. I'm Guardian Janine Hathaway." She really didn't need an introduction her reputation was well known and well deserved.

I took her offered hand with a firm shake. "It's nice to meet you."

"I hear that you are to thank for my daughter's continued enrollment here and the progress she has made in the past few months. I'm grateful that you have invested so much into her education. I can only hope she proves herself worthy of it."

I winced internally, hearing the near tangible disappointment she held for Rose. "She's a great student. She's had her struggles, but she has really improved and I honestly believe that she has the potential to be an amazing guardian. Truly, it's a pleasure to work with her."

She scoffed. "I appreciate you saying that, but I know better than anyone that she can be a handful. Still, I wouldn't mind watching one of your training sessions. Guardian Petrov has given me a few progress reports, but I would like to see what she can do with my own eyes."

"I'm sure that could be arranged. We typically have a morning session at six, but it may be better for you to attend our evening session. I just came off an overnight assignment and will most likely have her complete some strength and cardio exercises on her own instead of working on technique and training." I wanted to show Rose at her best, and while I had no doubt that she would perform well while her mother was watching, I knew she would do even better when we both weren't tired.

"I have a better idea, if you'll allow it. Why don't you get some rest, and I can work with Rose this morning." It was technically a suggestion, but her tone made it clear that I shouldn't turn her down. There was a sternness in her voice, but I could also see a small hint of pleading, as if she wanted some alone time with Rose but needed a reason.

I was still a bit hesitant. Rose's relationship with her mother was near non-existent. What was there was tinged in bitterness. After the scene in Alto's class, I was sure that a mediator would be needed. However, perhaps it would be better just to let the two of them get their frustration out and move forward from there.

I agreed, and she looked immediately relieved. I had now doubt that Rose would give me an earful for my decision, but that was a fight for another day.

Once I made it to my apartment, I couldn't wait to let my day end. There had been too much information today; too much to think about. I knew I should get some sleep. The extra hours I secured from passing Rose's morning training session off to her mother would still only take the edge off my exhaustion.

I couldn't get my mind to settle though. For the first time in months, I wished Ivan was here to talk to. I haven't felt his absence so strongly in a long time.

Eventually, the physical need for sleep won out and I drifted into unconsciousness.


	7. Chapter 7

I awoke fairly refreshed, considering the amount of sleep I had gotten, but I was still hesitant to think too much on everything that happened last night while I was with Tasha. Instead, I went through the motions of my daily life. My first stop was the guardian lounge on campus. I started another shift in the classrooms soon and wanted to grab something to eat before I went on duty.

When I entered the room, it was clear that the focus of the others were directed at one single person. A mess of red curls was sitting at the far table, filling out some paperwork. With her reputation, it wasn't a surprise that Janine intrigued the other Guardians. I ignored their hushed whispers, grabbing and apple and some coffee before sitting across from her.

I was about to ask how the morning training had gone when I noticed the form she was working on. It was an incident report. I had just filled one out myself, less than two weeks ago. It was uncommon to need them, only when a student was seriously hurt or placed in a dangerous situation. I could only imagine one reason why she would be submitting such a report: something had happened between her and Rose.

"Guardian Hathaway."

She jumped a little at my voice, apparently so focused on what she was writing that she didn't even notice that I had sat down. In any other circumstance, I might feel a bit prideful that I was able to surprise her, but the look on her face made me think that nearly anyone could have caught her off guard at the moment. She looked distracted, and when she realized it was me, I could see a wave of guilt rush over her.

Her eyes flickered away before she returned my greeting. "Good morning, Guardian Belikov."

"May I ask how Rose's practice was today?"

Another wave a guilt radiated from her. She tapped the pen against the table a few times before, with a sigh, she pushed the paperwork towards me.

I only needed to read the first few lines to get a summery of what had happened:

_Type of injury (if any): facial trauma and concussion resulting in loss of consciousness_

_Medical assistance needed: yes_

_Injured party: Rosemarie Hathaway, student_

_Location of incident: Gym, room 2b_

Janine hadn't finished writing the description of the incident, so I looked back towards her for an explanation.

"I don't know exactly how this happened really. I never meant to hurt her. I would never intentionally hurt her. I just...somehow I lost control." She looked away defeated, her lips set in a hard line as her hand tugged gently at her red curls. Still, I could tell that her anger was directed inward, towards herself. "She can just be so...frustrating. I don't know how you can deal with her."

It seemed my initial worry about leaving the two Hathaway women alone wasn't completely unfounded. Somehow, things had escalated and Janine had hit Rose. I fought the urge to berate her for striking her daughter, but all it took was one look at the woman before me to see that it was unintentional. Not only that, she seemed horrified with the fact that she had injured Rose. Janine was a very precise person, but even the best guardians have their weak points that can make them falter. It seemed like Rose was hers.

 _I knew I should have been there_.

I was well aware of just how much Rose could try a person's patience. She had gotten the upper hand on more than a few teachers and guardians, though her mother was the first to physically lash out. I realized we were now alone in the lounge, and decided push the conversation further.

"She's not always easy, but we've learned to work with each other. What did she do? What did she say?"

"We were sparring. I just wanted to get a feel for where she was in her training, perhaps give her a different perspective than what you are able to offer as an instructor. I know I'll never be considered for 'mother of the year' but I do have a few things I can teach my daughter."

The way she said this, so defensively, she reminded me of Rose; her protests usually indicated her insecurities. I knew Rose felt more than a little bitter about the lack of relationship between them, but I also knew that Rose was more likely to hide behind sarcasm and accusations than step forward in a peace offering. Apparently, Rose and her mother had more in common than I had initially thought.

"I know she resents how she was raised here at the Academy and that I was never around. What was I supposed to do though? Leave my career and join a commune? I couldn't do that? And I wasn't going to send her with my cousins to be raised in that lifestyle."

Though I knew she didn't mean any personal insult with her words, I still found myself tensing at them. She had no reason to suspect that I have been raised in the exact lifestyle that she apparently despised. So many people instinctively looked down on the way my family lived, the way I was raised, based on the rumors and the actions of a few. If she noticed my change in posture, it didn't register with her.

"What was I supposed to do?" she repeated. "I didn't have very many options."

I knew I wasn't really in a position to give her a proper answer. I don't think she truly wanted one either. Even if she did, I wouldn't know what to say. Instead, I decided to focus on how the damage might be repaired.

"Rose hasn't led the easiest life. Like you, I think she's just trying to make the best of what she's been given. She doesn't always succeed, but she trying. She has plenty of people she can look up to here, but none of them can ever quite fulfill your role as her parent. I think that's all she wants from you."

She seemed to consider what I was saying, though for a moment she seemed to surprised to realize just who was advising her. After a few minutes and what seemed to be an internal debate between protest and acceptance, she spoke again. Her voice seemed so unsure, I doubt anyone would have guessed that she was the famed guardian her reputation made her out to be.

"What if I don't know how to be a parent?"

I looked away, once again unsure how to respond. Her vulnerability in that moment seemed to spark something in me. Just like Janine, I was unsure how to balance my relationship with Rose and how it contradicted my duty. Everything felt so clear until Rose came into the picture. I briefly wondered if her mother had somewhat similar thoughts nearly eighteen years ago.

"Do you ever regret putting your career before everything else?" The words were out of my mouth before I even had time to contemplate the things running through my mind.

She seemed surprised by the sudden change in topic, but considered the question.

"I wish that was a question that could easily be answered with a 'yes' or 'no'. I know what we do is necessary, important, perhaps even vital. I'm glad that I have been able to perform the duty well..." her voice trailed off, as if suddenly caught in another world that existed a life time ago. "Still, every once and a while, I see everything that I've had to give up to do so and I have to wonder if it was worth it."

I nodded, listening to her words while getting lost in my own situation.

"Unfortunately," she continued, snapping back to our reality with a sense of reluctance, "there aren't many ways to have it all."

I felt the urge to confide in her about Tasha's offer. It had become horribly apparent last night that there weren't many people I felt comfortable confiding in. There was my own mother and perhaps Alberta. However, it didn't feel right confiding in my superior about whether or not to leave my current position. I had thought about discussing the issue with my mother, but there was a small amount of guilt in not calling for quite some time and then bringing something like this to her proverbial doorstep.

Honestly, the person I would have felt most comfortable talking to was Rose. She somehow understood me better than nearly anyone else. However, how could I talk to her about this? Especially when – if I was completely honest with myself – she was part of the reason I was both considering accepting and rejecting the offer.

I once again wished that Ivan was here. He had the uncanny ability to be unbiased when it came to advice. That's what I needed; someone who was honest and impartial. Janine Hathaway seemed as good an option as anyone else at this moment.

"I think..." I started, hesitant and still unsure, "I think I might have an offer that allows me to have more..."

My vagueness must have caught Guardian Hathaway's attention. Both of her eyebrows rose in question as she waited for me to explain further.

"Natasha Ozera has requested me as her Guardian."

She stared at me for a moment, but thankfully she seemed to understand the implication before I felt the need to explain further.

"Wow...that's quite the opportunity for a young man like yourself." The vulnerability I saw earlier suddenly vanishes as an emotionless mask covered her features.

I suddenly felt embarrassed, regretting the decision to consult her. Requests like these were rare, but they weren't entirely unheard of. For some lucky ones, it was a true relationship based on mutual love, and for others it was simply an agreement of convenience. I knew I didn't fall on either extreme, but I wasn't quite sure where I stood in between either. Some people envied the pairing, others looked down on it. I couldn't tell how Janine felt about the matter.

"And one that I know won't happen again," I acknowledged. " I know that it is a great honor to be charged with Princess Vasilisa's protection, and I also feel a certain responsibility towards Rose. To help her complete her training, I mean." It wasn't the full truth, but it wasn't a lie either.

"Guarding the last Dragomir is a great responsibility and honor, but..." she trailed off, choosing her words carefully before continuing, "But if you feel like you could find some personal happiness with Lady Ozera, then I think you should consider it."

It was clear that she had said her peace on the matter when she gave a single nod of finality, and I changed the subject quickly before any more awkwardness settled around us.

"Have you seen Rose since this morning?" I asked.

"No," she replied sharply, back in her full professional mode as she picked up her pen to continue filling out the necessary paperwork. "However, the clinic did call me a short while ago. She woke up without any apparent damage. They are sending her back to class, but she has been understandably excused from any physical training for the rest of the day. I apologize for interfering with your training schedule." Though professional, there was a bit of worry in her tone, and I knew it didn't have anything to do with Rose's training, but with Rose herself.

"Please, Guardian Hathaway, that is the least of my concerns at the moment. I just wanted to make sure she was alright."

Her emotionless mask faltered for just a moment, but it was long enough to see a flash of anxiety and regret before her features hardened into stone once more.

"I'm sure she'll be fine," she remarked coldly.

"I'm sure you're right. This isn't the first time Rose has been sent to the clinic and I'm sure it wont be the last. She has always been fine before, coming out stronger than ever. I have not reason to believe it wont be the same this time around."

It wasn't until I heard her half-hearted agreement that I realized Janine may not have only been concerned with any possible physical damage, but the possible emotional damage and the already too wide chasm in their relationship. I knew better than to comment on it though. The tension in her shoulders and jaw warned me that the untouchable Guardian Hathaway was back, hiding behind her duty and reputation like I had done so many times before.

She didn't acknowledge me as I left for my shift.

I spent the rest of the day successfully avoiding both Rose and Tasha. I didn't know how to face either of them, or what I would say when I couldn't avoid them any longer.

If I knew Rose at all, she would be livid about the altercation with her mother. Part of me wanted to seek her out so I could hopefully diffuse the situation, but the other part of me knew that it was partially my fault it happened at all because I hadn't been there to step in earlier.

I did get a small glance at her while she was walking between classes. She didn't seem to notice me as she walked between Eddie and Mason, the boys acting as a physical barrier from the mocking glares from some of the other students. It seemed that word of the situation must have gotten out. Rose wasn't new to being the subject of the rumor mill unfortunately, but at least it had given her a thick skin. She hardly acknowledged those looking down on her. From this distance, I couldn't see any apparent physical marks from this morning, but the fact that she was up and around today was enough to assure me that she was alright.

If Tasha was somewhere on campus today, I simply didn't see her. I was grateful that she was giving me some space to think things over. I knew I wouldn't have long though. Eventually she would want an answer one way or another.

Thankfully, work provided a some excuse to be distant and closed off. After my required shifts, I simply retired to my room. I attempted to read one of my novels, but after staring at the same line for nearly fifteen minutes, I knew I was too distracted to focus on even that simple task. The silence of my apartment did nothing to quiet my mind, so I turned to the small collection of DVD's at the end of my book collection. Perhaps predictably, most were Westerns starring John Wayne, but there was one on the end that caught my eye.

I pulled out the small case, the familiar face of aforementioned John Wayne and leading lady Maureen O'Hara greeting me. Instead of the open landscape of the Old West though, they were backed by the rolling green hills of Ireland.

I laughed, remembering only a few weeks ago when I was telling Rose about this exact movie.

* * *

She had caught me sneaking another page or two of my current novel before practice, and wasted no time before beginning her teasing.

"Between those and your John Wayne movies, it's a surprise you didn't learn English with a Southern drawl."

I smirked over the page. "Who said I didn't? Thankfully, I dropped it fairly early in school."

"Hmm, a Russian Southern drawl...wonder what that sounds like?" She gave me a hopeful look.

"You will never know. However, for your information, John Wayne did more than just Westerns."

"Yes, he had a whole mess of war movies too, right?"

"Yes, and even a few romantic comedies." I caught the disbelief on her face but continued on. "Have you ever seen The Quiet Man? It's one of my mother's favorites. She was a big fan of Maureen O'Hara. We used to watch it together every year on my birthday." For a moment, I was back on that small couch, sitting next to my mother with a bowl of popcorn between us.

"That seems nice." She seemed a bit lost in the image herself.

"It was."

* * *

Alone in my apartment, I slipped in the DVD, listening to the familiar score start playing. I was quickly reminded why I shouldn't be so open and personal with Rose, because for the briefest moment, I wasn't remembering the past but imagining an unattainable future. For the briefest moment, I could imagine celebrating my birthday by watching this movie with a bowl of popcorn in my lap, but instead of my mother beside me, Roza is tucked under my arm.

I shook the heartache from my mind, choosing instead to get lost in the story, speaking along with some of my favorite quotes:

" _...some things a man doesn't get over so easy...like the sight of a girl coming though the field with the sun on her hair..."_

As the movie finally came to it's happy ending, I replaced the DVD in it's case and hesitated before placing it back on the shelf.

I was still undecided on if I should get Roza a Christmas present, and if I did decide to do so, what I would give her. It was a precarious balancing act. Nothing I could think of seemed right. If the item wasn't too personal, it was practically offensive in it's impartiality. As soon as the idea struck however, I couldn't think of anything better. Giving her this DVD would be like giving a small piece of myself to her, without being too obvious to cause questions between us or anyone else for that matter.

I wrapped it in a small piece of brown paper, setting a mental reminder to find some sort of string or ribbon to tie into a bow. In the corner, I wrote her name, faltering for a moment after the 'o' as I debated whether or not to follow it with a 'z'. Erring on the side of caution and propriety, I finished with her given name and set it aside.

I doubted that it would ever happen, but I hoped that when she watched it – if she ever watched it, of course – that she would imagine me sitting next to her, enjoying it with her. Perhaps she would understand the small hidden message behind the gift. It was bittersweet to think about. Our day dreams would never quite live up to reality, but that reality would always be outside our grasp.


	8. Chapter 8

I was surprised to see Mason leaving the gym when I went to set up for the morning practice the next day.

"Guardian Belikov," he greeted as we passed each other, he gave me a grin and a mock salute.

"Ashford."

It wasn't typical for any student to be up this early, and not only was he awake, he looked thrilled. The smile on his face made me wonder what could have put it there. Perhaps he was just a morning person. Just because Rose couldn't stand the early mornings...

_...Rose..._

The realization hit me hard, knocking the wind from my chest like a physical strike.

I made it through the door before it even had a chance to close behind Mason. Rose looked almost giddy for a moment, watching him leave, but her demeanor instantly changed when she quickly looked away as soon as I came into view. She pointedly avoided eye contact with me, and I couldn't help but wonder what she was hiding. She looked almost...guilty. What did she have to be guilty about? Did it have anything to do with why Mason was here earlier?

The more she avoided me, the more aggravated I got. I instructed her to start working with the dummies using the moves we had practiced a few days before, occasionally correcting her form from a distance. I could hear that everything I said was unnecessarily sharp and abrupt, but I couldn't let it go. I was tired of her ignoring me. Eventually, I hit my breaking point.

"You're hair's in the way," I called out. "Not only are you blocking your peripheral vision, you're running the risk of letting your enemy get a handhold."

"If I'm actually in a fight, I'll wear it up." She snipped back between forceful jabs to the dummy. "I'm just wearing it down today, that's all."

"Rose," I implored, begging for her to just acknowledge me.

She continued her attack as if I wasn't even there.

"Rose! Stop."

She finally hesitated, her breath quick and heavy, as if trying to catch up. My command must have won out over her defiance. She slowly stepped away from the dummy and backed herself up against the wall. Even then, she refused to meet my eyes, stubbornly looking towards the ground.

"Look at me," I ordered. I was rarely so forceful with her, but she was rarely so obstinate with me.

"Dimitri -"

" _Look at me."_

She stopped, and while she didn't respond right away, I knew she would. Despite everything else between us, I was still her instructor and she wouldn't disobey a direct order from me.

After a moment, she slowly tilted her head up. Her hair still obscured most of her face though. Instinctively, I reached out to brush it away from her eyes and tuck it behind her ear.

As soon as I raised my hand, I saw her stiffen and heard her breath hitch. It was enough to make me falter. Did she not want me to touch her? Rose had never shied away from be before. That hurt more than anything else; more than seeing her with Mason, more than her avoidance all morning, even more than her refusing to look me in the eye now. I pulled away, not wanting to make her any more uncomfortable.

She relaxed just a moment before flipping her hair back and revealing a growing bruise under her eye that looked like it would spread across her cheek bone and even the bridge of her nose. It was much worse than I had imagined.

I clenched my hand into a fist at my side to keep me from cupping her cheek in my palm.  _She doesn't want you...she doesn't need you for comfort,_ I reminded myself.

"Does it hurt?" I asked, trying to keep my voice even.

"No." Her eyes flashed to the left, a sure sign that she was lying to me.

"It doesn't look so bad. It'll heal." I could hear the harsh bitterness in my voice as I turned away from her. I didn't even try to hide it. I hated that Roza was shutting me out. I know things weren't ideal between us, but we had always tried to make the best of it. Now she couldn't even bother to tell me the truth?

"I hate her," she hissed, with more venom than a poisonous snake. I felt that odd chill at her words, the same one that I had noticed back at the Badica house.

"No, you don't." I wasn't sure if I was trying to convince her, or myself.

"I do."

"You don't have time to hate anyone. Not in our profession." If Rose could truly hate her own mother, than she could hate anyone, including me. I couldn't stand the thought of her hating me, and knowing that I had the perfect reason for her to do so just killed me. "You should make peace with her."

"Make peace with her?" she repeated with a laugh, more bitter than sweet. "After she gave me a black eye,  _on purpose?_  Why am I the only one who sees how crazy that is?"

"She did  _not_  do it on purpose." I've seen what a parent looks like when they beat you on purpose. I remember how my father had looked at me. No matter how angry Janine was, no matter how upset Rose had made her, I knew wholeheartedly that what happened had been a mistake. Just looking at Janine afterward had been enough to confirm that to me.

"No matter how much you resent her, you have to believe that," I insisted. "She wouldn't do that. I saw her later that day. She was worried about you."

She rolled her eyes, clearly not believing me. "Probably more worried someone will bring her up on child abuse charges."

I knew I wasn't going to get anywhere with her when she was acting like this. I let out a heavy breath, already tired of arguing. "Don't you think this is the time of year for forgiveness?"

"This isn't a Christmas special!" She ran her fingers though her hair and worrying her lip before turning on me again. "This is my life. In the real world, miracles and goodness just don't happen."

The fact that Rose, still so young, could already be so jaded towards the world was heartbreaking. Part of me understood – she had been though a lot in such a short time – but the idea that she had already stopped believing in miracles and goodness in the world?

"In the real world, you can make your own miracles," I urged, trying to reassure her.

My word backfired though. Instead of calming her, I saw a flash of fire in her eyes. It was just a spark, but that was all it took to start an inferno.

"Okay, can you just stop this for once!"

"Stop what?"

"The whole profound Zen crap thing." Her voice rose steadily higher until she was practically shouting at me. Her hands flipped between pulling at her hair in frustration and gesturing wildly. "You don't talk to me like a real person. Everything you say is just some wise, life-lesson nonsense. You really do sound like a Christmas special. I swear, sometimes it's just like you want to hear yourself talk! And I  _know_ you aren't always this way..."

And then I saw it. For the first time this morning, she met my eyes and all I could see was pain. She was angry at me, annoyed with me, but she was also hurt because of me...

"...You were perfectly normal when you talked to Tasha." Her voice was softer now, betraying her vulnerability, even through her fury. "But with me? You're just going through the motions. You don't care about me..." She said something else after that, but I didn't hear it.

"I don't care about you?" I asked, not quite believing what she just said. Could she really believe I didn't care about her? After everything...she thought I didn't care?

"No," she confirmed resentfully. I felt my own temper slipping as she physically pushed me away from her. "I'm another student to you. You just go on and on with your stupid life lessons so that -"

I couldn't take it any more. I snatched her hand that was jabbing my chest and pinned it against the wall behind her. I was done with her unfounded anger and accusations. Not when I spent every morning, every night,  _every damn day_  thinking about her.

"Don't tell me what I'm feeling." I was practically growling at her.

Rose looked nervous for a moment, perhaps shaken by my tone or the fact that I had physically pushed back. I would never actually hurt her, but I had never been so rough with her outside of sparring practice either.

She stared at me, wide-eyed and as tense as I was. But then she did something I didn't expect: she smiled. She smiled, self-satisfied, as if she had just discovered one of the great mysteries of the world.

"That's it, isn't it?"

"What?" I asked, worried about what could make her look so pleased with herself at this moment.

"You're always fighting for control. You're the same as me." She seemed almost amused at the thought.

I wasn't though. She had hit too close to the mark. Sure, I could keep my control when it came to many – most – things, but her...she broke through that practiced skill without resistance. She could make me want to scream and yell one moment, and take her to bed the next. She tested my limit every day, and the thought that one person could affect me so much terrified me.

"No," I insisted, trying to lie to her for both our sakes, "I've learned my control."

She saw right though me. "No. You haven't. You put on a good face, and most of the time, you do stay in control. But sometimes you can't. And sometimes..." she leaned forward, lowering her voice in a way that my heart race uncontrollably, "sometimes you don't want to."

"Rose..." I couldn't tell if I was begging her or warning her. I knew what she wanted to do, what I wanted her to do...yes, I was begging her. I was begging her to stop. I was begging her to do what I couldn't.

Her eyes flickered to my mouth just a moment before I felt her lips crash against mine. It was wrong – so, so wrong – but I didn't want to be right at the moment. All I wanted was this. All I wanted was her. Weeks of memories and dreams were nothing compared to what was happening right now. It was volatile, it was desperate, but it was us.

This was the first kiss we'd shared since the charm. This was the first kiss that was truly just me and her. Even without the compulsion of earth magic, it was just as powerful and all encompassing. Perhaps even more so with the knowledge that she had been the one to kiss me. The self doubt that I had felt moments ago was forgotten in the blink of an eye.

I closed the last remaining distance between us, pressing her against the wall and trapping her against me. I could feel her fingers of her free hand grasp at my shirt, holding me close to her. Her lips parted easily at my bidding. The kiss was an urgent, cathartic release of the passion and anger that had built up between us. It was as emotional as it was physical, and things were definitely getting physical. I heard her sigh as she rocked her hips into mine, breaking my trance like a bucket of ice water.

All at once, I could see what has happening between us. Even worse, I could imagine how things would look to anyone else who happened upon us.

I used the wall to push away suddenly, before my mind had a chance to convince me to do otherwise. I took a few more steps away just to be sure. My throat felt tight and it I couldn't seem to catch my breath.  _Shit, what did I just do..._

Rose looked surprised at my abruptness.

"Do  _not_  do that again," I scolded, somehow even more frustrated now than I had been before.

"Don't kiss me back then," she shot back in defiance.

She was right. As much as I would like to defect the responsibility, I was just as much to blame as she was. I wanted to kiss her. Hell, if I was honest with myself, I still wanted to kiss her. I couldn't admit that though, I had to continue this stupid act that was eating me up inside. I slowly counted to ten, making sure I was composed before speaking again.

"I don't give 'Zen lessons' to hear myself talk," I insisted. "I don't give them because you're another student. I'm doing this to teach you control." My argument sounded weak, even to me.

Apparently, it didn't fool her either. I could see her disappointment in me as she rolled those pretty brown eyes.

"You're doing a great job."

I took a deep breath, pinching the bridge of my nose and trying to count to ten again. I got to three before I decided it was worthless.

 _I can't do this anymore,_  I muttered to myself, opting for my native tongue. Then I walked out the door, leaving without bothering to dismiss her.

I had let her down. I would always let her down.


	9. Chapter 9

I still wasn't used to waking up Christmas morning alone. Granted, I also wasn't used to celebrating it on December 25th rather than January 7th like we did in Russia, but that was a minor issue compared to the overwhelming feeling of loneliness that surrounded celebrating a holiday by yourself. I had always spent my Christmas break with my family while I was in school, and then with Ivan before he passed. You might think some of the sting would fade over time, but I still woke up each year missing the traditions and celebrations of home.

My mom used to make a traditional rice porridge for breakfast that we would top with honey, poppy seeds, berries and toasted nuts. Babushka would pass the gifts to us one by one as we sat in front of the fireplace. We all went to church that day, and if I close my eyes, I can still smell the distinctive earthy scent of the frankincense and myrrh incense that drifted through that little chapel in my hometown.

Thankfully, even though I was on my own this morning, I wouldn't be alone all day. Tasha was hosting a small brunch in the parlor of the guest housing building after the morning church service. It promised to be a fairly small affair since Tasha tended to avoid larger gatherings, and would honestly struggle to fill a guest list even if she wanted to host a large banquet. My guess was that it would only include Tasha, me, Christian, Lissa, and Rose.

I wasn't entirely sure I was ready to see Rose again. Try as I might, I couldn't get my nerves to calm. I simply couldn't stop thinking about that kiss. I had canceled the rest of our training sessions leading up to the ski trip with a pathetic excuse about finalizing security plans, but it was just a cover to buy me more time as I tried to figure out what I was going to do about this entire mess.

The thing was...I really wasn't sure if I could keep this charade up anymore. Whatever this non-relationship we had going on was driving me insane. We were bound to snap at some point. I should have seen it coming, but I was too busy desperately trying to keep my head on straight around her.

Perhaps if this attraction between us was purely physical, we could just get it out of the way after she graduated and we both could move on in life. But it wasn't like that. I wasn't that guy, and despite all the ugly rumors, she wasn't that type of girl. I knew better. It had never been like that with us. I wasn't attracted to her body and how she looked. Well, I wasn't attracted to  _just_  those things. I had fallen for all of her. Every piece of her inside and out. Every scar, every flaw; they made her the person she was just as much as her talents. I loved her strength, her snarkiness, the way she smiled and the way she could make me smile. I loved everything about her and I knew that if I had the chance to be with her – to show her just how much I loved her – it would not 'get her out of my system' but instead make me an addict. I would need to come back for more or I would drive myself crazy wishing I could.

I had a way out though. I thought about Tasha's offer nearly as much as I thought about Rose's kiss. The problem was, if I was going to share my life with someone and raise a family, the only person I wanted to do that with was Rose.

Tasha was a good person. She had raised Christian well and had proven herself well in a motherhood role, even if she didn't have her own children yet. She also had been a wonderful companion while we were dating, even if our relationship didn't last that long or delve that deep. She and I got along and I enjoyed spending time with her.

I had never really bought into the idea of soulmates. I was confident that nearly any two people could live their life together and find some form of happiness, as long as both parties were willing to work at it and make sacrifices for each other. To that extent, I knew that Tasha and I could have a good life if I accepted. I would do my best to make her happy, and I knew she would do the same for me. But I knew that it would never compare to what Rose and I could have had, if fate would have been kind.

The biggest difference between Rose and Tasha was a simple matter of intensity. Rose could make me feel emotions like I never had before. Nothing between us was halfhearted. When she got on my nerves, she could make me furious. However, when she unknowingly reminded me just how lucky I was to have her in my life now, I wanted to do nothing else but pledge myself to her with a promise to go to the ends of the earth to make her as happy as she made me. The magnitude of what I felt for her made things difficult. She was always driving me crazy in one way or another. It was nearly as painful being with her as it was being without her.

On the other hand, Tasha was comfortable. She was dependable and steady. I felt in control of myself and able to look at things reasonably. While perhaps not as exciting as a relationship with Rose, my experience had taught me that excitement wasn't nearly as productive as reliability. Tasha was the logical choice. Tasha was what I  _should_  want. But Tasha simply couldn't compare.

Unfortunately, there wasn't really a comparison at all. Not really. I kept trying to examine one potential relationship against another, when – at the heart of the matter – one of those relationships simply couldn't exist. I couldn't never truly be with Rose. A love life with her was an impossibility. It should have made my choice easy...but it didn't.

After taking as long as I could to get ready – so my mind didn't wonder too far on its own – it was finally time to leave for Christmas brunch. I stared at the package still siting on my night stand. I never did find that ribbon. Rose's present was quickly slipped into one of the inner pockets of my duster and I made my way out into the light snowfall.

* * *

I didn't expect it to be easy to see Rose today, but I didn't expect it to be quite so hard either.

I was prepared to be reminded just how stunning she was. Granted, that fact wasn't something I easily forgot, but seeing her trade in the typical trainers and tee shirts for something a bit more refined always caught my attention. Today was no different.

I was prepared for her to avoid me, ignore me even. I knew she was upset with me, and with how things had ended, she probably thought I was upset with her too. Perhaps I would have been able to pull her aside and repair some of the damage between us, if she hadn't done something I was so completely unprepared for...

I was not prepared for her to walk in with Mason.

He was never more than two feet from her. Every time he made her smile, every time he made her laugh, a flash of enviousness surged within me. It wouldn't have been nearly as effective if I actually thought Rose was trying to make me jealous, but it was obvious that she wasn't. I had seen my sisters play that vicious game when I was younger. She glanced at me every so often, but it wasn't calculating as if to gauge my reaction to her date. Instead, it almost held a sense of longing, as if she simply wanted to see me. I understood the sentiment. It seemed that I was just as much of a distraction to her as she was to me. While Mason was completely enthralled by her presence, Rose seemed completely unaware to how he worshiped her. She didn't spurn his advances, but she didn't exactly encourage or magnify them either. Oh, but that boy was persistent.

When she received a small necklace as a present, he offered to help her put in on. I watched him brush his fingertips across her neck as he fastened it, and perhaps others found the touch innocent or accidental, but I didn't miss his smile and blush that accompanied the gesture. Nor did I miss how long he held Rose's hand as he admired the gift Lissa gave her.

As much as it burned to watch Mason flirt with my Roza, it was nothing compared to the pain of watching Rose reciprocate some of his actions. I had seen Rose flirt much more boldly, even with Mason himself, but they had always been empty gestures before now. Watching her talk to him as the party moved around them, I could see the signs of a possible budding romance.

Then, she would look back towards me, and I would realize exactly who was standing in her way.

I returned to my conversation with Tasha, trying to keep my mind from wondering as we discussed where old friends had ended up and how all of our lives had changed through the years. I laughed at the appropriate time, adding an acceptable comment here or there. My heart wasn't in it though. I kept thinking of Rose and how much she deserved to be happy.

Maybe she could be happy with Mason.

Maybe I could be happy with Tasha.

The new beaded bracelet that dangled from Rose's wrist caught my eye every few minutes. Her little chotki was a family heirloom in the Dragomir line, meant for a guardian beloved to the family. Watching Lissa offer it to Rose earlier made me feel more confident in what I was training Rose to eventually do. She was meant to be Lissa's guardian. She was meant to wear that token. While I might be the only technical Dragomir Guardian right now, Rose wore that title on her soul, not her resume. It wasn't a matter of prestige to her, but a calling of honor and responsibility. I might have cared about Princess Vasilisa and had every intention of protecting her, but Rose loved her more than she loved herself. She would die for her protection because of love, not duty.

It was the same way I felt about Roza. Adding another reason in a long line of reasons why I needed to bow out of the picture gracefully, and walk away from her.

I was glad that despite everything going on between us, Rose seemed to be having a good time. Or she was, until her mother showed up an hour or so late. The shift in Rose's demeanor seemed unmistakable to me, but apparently I was the only one privy to how uncomfortable and agitated Rose became the moment Janine stepped through the door.

In her defense, Guardian Hathaway seemed just as ill-at-ease around Rose. Upon her arrival, I saw her eye flit up to the deep bruise on Rose's face and a small look of regret colored her cheeks. After that, she simply avoided speaking or looking at her daughter, not out of malice but from apparent unease. I'm sure Rose's increasingly precarious temper didn't make the matter any easier.

We both became distant when the topic of the Badica Attack came up, but Rose's mood soured even further when Guardian Hathaway started discussing other similar situations she had been in. As Mason listened in awe to the stories, I cringed at the furious glare Rose kept shooting his way. I almost felt sorry for the boy who was so oblivious to how upset she was getting.

Thankfully, the party dispersed before Rose could get too worked up. Christian and Lissa, who had generally been more focused on each other rather than anything else in the room, left hand in hand. Rose left soon after, with Mason offering to escort her back to her room. I had the small temptation to make sure Mason left after dropping her off, but I knew Rose wouldn't allow anything physical to happen. At least not at this moment. Janine, who hadn't realized Rose's absence until five minutes after she had walked out the door, made a quick excuse before departing herself.

Finally, it was only Tasha and myself.

I helped her clean up the stray wrapping paper from around the sitting area. It only took a few minutes to make the area presentable and I was thankful for another benefit of a smaller gathering. Our group today left even less traces of the holiday festivities than my own family would do back home. Still, I was somewhat remorseful that the party was ending and I would soon be returning to my empty apartment with no one else to distract my mind but the characters in my now familiar books.

"Would you like to come up for a cup of coffee before you leave?" Tasha asked, as if understanding my unspoken reluctance to be alone.

When I agreed, I could already see the questions forming in her mind. She fiddled with the coffee pot for a few seconds before the tell-tale hiss of the machine sounded. Perhaps she thought some small talk would lighten the mood. It was an innocent enough idea. Unfortunately, her topic of choice did nothing to make me feel better.

"I didn't know Rose was dating that Mason boy."

"Yeah, neither did I..." I could feel my teeth grinding together.

"He seems pretty smitten with her," she seemed smitten herself at the possibility of some sort of budding romance between them. "They're cute together."

My jaw was clenched so tight, all I could manage was a nod. Despite knowing that Mason was a genuinely good guy, I couldn't force myself to be happy about the situation.

I fidgeted with the coffee mug she handed me as we sat near the window. The silence lingered while we both watched the snow fall outside.

Apparently the quiet became too much and her voice broke through once more. "So, have you had a chance to think things through a bit?"

I never thought that particular change in subject would actually relax me. It didn't do so by much, mind you, but at least awkward anxiety was better than barely concealed jealous rage.

I ran my hand through my hair, pulling out the tie that was still loosely holding my hair back, as I tried to compose what to say to her. I could see the hint of hopefulness in her eyes, but I wasn't quite ready to give her an answer.

That wasn't what she was asking though, was she? All she was asking is if I had thought about it. It seems like I haven't done anything  _but_  think about her offer.

By now I had been silent long enough that her earlier hopefulness was starting to fade into a visible anxiety. I placed my hand on top of hers in an effort to reassure her.

"I have," I said simply, offering no other explanation for the time being.

It didn't seem to matter to her though. Her eyes flicked down to where our hands rested and I could see her lips turn up in a little smile. Her hands felt cold under my fingers and I returned them to my coffee mug in an effort to warm them up again.

We didn't continue that line of conversation further, much to my relief. Instead we kept to much safer topics, mainly about old friends, fond memories, and the young romance between Christian and Vasilisa. I could feel the familiar and comfortable base of our friendship shift, tinged by her offer. Whether I accepted of declined, I knew that whatever future we had between us would always be affected by what was happening at this moment. For now, we were just living in a sort of limbo and I tried to relish the last days of our former friendship.

It eventually ended though. After several hours I bid my farewell, with the vague feeling that something between us would never be the same again.

* * *

It wasn't until I had returned to my apartment that I realized Rose's gift was still in the pocket of my jacket. My immediate reaction was to head back out and drop it by her dorm room, but I hesitated. I needed to let go. We needed to let go.

Instead, I unwrapped the small package. I set the DVD back in it's original place on the bookshelf, before I finished packing my bag for our departure tomorrow. As I finished placing the last few items into the suitcase, I couldn't help but notice how cold I felt.


	10. Chapter 10

We left for the lodge in the late afternoon. The school had a single private plane for emergencies, and we were able to borrow a few others from court and a couple from more prominent Royal families that would also be utilizing the Lodge over the holiday. I was slated to leave with the last group, and Tasha held back to fly over with me, Christian, and Lissa. We were settling into the jet as the last few students piled in.

I shouldn't have been surprised that Rose was one of the final few to board. I probably should have been surprised that someone didn't have to drag her out of her dorm just to make the flight in time. I tried to catch her eye to greet her, but she didn't look at me. In fact, it seemed like she was purposefully  _not_  looking at me. It was enough to set me on edge.

I couldn't understand the sudden change. Yesterday she was distant, but she wasn't exactly giving me the cold shoulder. We just avoided each other, perhaps out of confusion and awkwardness more than anything else. I didn't know what to say to her and she probably didn't know what to say to me. Now though, she was actively ignoring me.

She passed the row Tasha and I sat in without sparing even a casual glance our way. I watched her as she also passed Christian and Lissa, who were too preoccupied to notice, and finally finding her seat another row or so back by – who else – Mason.

I tried to ignore them, I really did, but my eyes kept glancing back to her while talking to Tasha beside me. I couldn't hear what they were saying over the chatter of the other students, but at one point I saw her flinch slightly and look down. The bewildered look on her face ignited my instinct to jump in, but before I could make any move towards them, I saw Roza smile softly.

A student shifted just enough for me to get a clear view of what had caused the abrupt change in her demeanor. Mason's hand was laying on top of her's, looking completely natural. The jealousy that I expected never came, because before it could rear its ugly head, I saw Rose lace her fingers in his.

My heart dropped out of my chest.

 _It's time to move on,_  I thought.  _Rose obviously has. You should have done it a long time ago._

I slipped my hand into the one Tasha had resting on the divider between us, settling deeper into the seat and tightening my jacket around me.

* * *

I had seen pictures, blueprints, even aerial satellite images of the resort, but despite all that, I was still impressed by the how stunning it was in person. I was never one for tropical vacations – perhaps a blessing considering my line of work – and the nature and seclusion that a cabin surrounded by forests offered was right up my alley. Granted, there was no doubt that this cabin was just as technologically advanced as a 5-star metropolitan hotel. Even the various walkways around the resort were heated for our convenience.

I peeked around Tasha to glance at Rose. She seemed just as enamored with the accommodations as I was. It seemed like everyone was, to be honest.

"Dimka...this is...stunning!"

I snapped my attention to the woman next to me again. "We chose if for the safety features, but yes, it is quite beautiful. That isn't a bad perk. Apparently there's a full spa and several other recreation options beyond the ski trails also."

Her face lit up the moment I mentioned the spa, just like I knew it would. I mirrored her smile, happy that Tasha would be able to get some of the pampering she deserved. I knew that she had access to these sorts of luxuries often when she was younger, but it had probably been a while since she had allowed herself to indulge like this.

"I haven't had a massage in years," she said dreamily, confirming my unspoken thought, "but I think I'll take a day or two to play on the mountain first. It doesn't quite make sense to work those knots out only to kill my body the next day. How about you? Are you planning to enjoy something special while we're here?"

I choose not to reply, knowing that it would be enough to confirm Tasha's suspicions.

"I do wish you'd take some time for yourself, Dimitri. You deserve it." Her hand brushed against mine, perhaps accidentally. "You deserve a lot of things."

I watched her walk to the front desk for her room assignment, but was quickly distracted by Lissa's joyful shriek. She must have realized that she and Rose were rooming together. I had also made sure that they were put in one of the nicer rooms available. I had called in a favor or two to make sure it happened, but it was worth it. It may not have been anything too elaborate, but I knew it would make this trip a little brighter for them both. After the past few weeks, I knew Rose could use any little happiness right now.

* * *

It didn't take Rose long to find that well earned happiness and relaxation like I had hoped. I could occasionally see her, Mason, Christian, and Lissa as they made their way up and down the ski slope over and over the first day. It was nice to see her acting like a normal teenage girl. It wasn't something that she had the opportunity to do very often. It was sometimes hard to remember that she was still a kid in many ways, even if she was more mature than someone her age should need to be.

The sun was just beginning to rise over the horizon when I caught a glimpse of the group near the mogul hill. Mason and Rose raced down at speeds that were just shy of perilous. I could even see Mason stumble once or twice on his decent, though he recovered before any damage could be done. Part of me wanted to call them out on their reckless behavior, but I resisted because I knew the desire was at least partially motivated by the idea of breaking up the pair of Novices, even for a moment. Instead, I contented myself with getting distracted by the work in front of me. There wasn't much to do in a simple patrol of my designated area, but since there were quite a few people around, it was enough to keep my mind occupied.

That changed rapidly when I saw Christian and Lissa walk pass me on their way back towards the lodge. If those two were here, it meant that Rose and Mason were now alone. I kept my anxiety in check with the mental reminder that Mason truly cared for Rose and would never hurt her, not to mention that Rose wouldn't hesitate to defend herself is she saw fit. I had seen her take down Mason in their combat classes more often than not when the two sparred. Still, I wasn't thrilled with the idea of them spending time together unsupervised. Try as I might to keep my focus on those around me, I kept glancing back towards the hill and the various ski trails that descended it.

I finally saw them about an hour later, once again near the mogul hill. My heart nearly stopped as I saw her take a jump off a short ridge, finally feeling another stuttering beat as she gracefully hit the powder on the other side. I couldn't do much more that watch and pray as she attempted one hairpin turn after another, dodging trees along the way before finally coming to a stop with a flourish of spraying snow. All the while, Mason cheered her on from the top. If it hadn't been so incredibly dangerous, I would have been impressed.

 _Well_ , I thought,  _there goes the idea about him never putting her in harm's way._  I couldn't fault Mason entirely though. While Rose was fully capable of putting herself in dangerous situations all on her own, it would at least help if Mason didn't encourage her antics. All it took was one small misstep and she could have been seriously injured.

Apparently he didn't learn from her near death experience, because before anyone could stop him, Mason was off to attempt the same insane obstacle course. He only made it about half as far as Rose had before he missed one of the landings and fell hard.

My radio was raised to call for the medic before he finished sliding to a stop. Celeste, who appeared to be the closest guardian in that area, was rushing to the scene. Rose kicked off her skis and did the same. Though he didn't get up, I could see Mason moving slowly on the ground, and felt relief lighten the weight in my shoulders. If Mason had been hurt, I knew Rose would have taken it personally and blamed herself.

After a moment or two, I could see the medical team assist Mason down the rest of the hill while Rose carried both of their gear back towards the rental area near the other entrance to the lodge. I also caught sight of my shift relief for the night making his way towards me. Once we completed a short debriefing, I left the new guardian to take charge of the area and started towards the medical wing to have a conversation with Mason.

* * *

I walked into the sterile room to see the nurse finish wrapping Mason's ankle in a brace, handing him an ice pack with the shake of her head before walking away. Mason returned the gesture with a sheepish grin. It looked like he only had a sprained ankle and I wondered if he understood just how lucky he was. With what he had tried, he could have easily been left with a broken neck.

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't try to kill my student."

Mason, previously unaware of my presence near the door, jumped at the sound of my voice. I wont deny the slight satisfaction it gave me to see him so intimidated by me.

"I-I'm sorry, Guardian Belikov." he stuttered. "We get so competitive, it was stupid. I didn't think she'd actually attempt the challenge and once she did it so flawlessly...well, I couldn't let her show me up. I should have known that I couldn't compete with her though." Mason's embarrassment quickly morphed into a distant look of wonder. "Rose is amazing. She always has been."

I didn't disagree with him. Rose had surprised me more often than I could count and I couldn't say that I wasn't just as awe inspired by her on occasion.

"Still, I'm sorry we got carried away. We haven't had the chance to spend much time together recently. Not that I mind her extra training sessions..." he quickly amended when he realized what his complaint insinuated. "If anything, I'm a bit jealous of her chance work one on one with you. I'm glad that you're helping her. It just hasn't left a lot of time to hang out with her like I used to. I guess I just jumped at the chance and wasn't thinking straight." He was rambling a bit at this point, but I allowed him some time to compose his thoughts. "I'm glad that I'm the one that took the fall, not her. I'd never want to be the reason she was hurt."

His sincerity was as apparent as his freckles and red hair. It was almost painfully easy to see just how much Mason cared for Rose and I felt a bit guilty for my jealousy towards him. He had done nothing except fall prey to the same wild and beautiful girl that I fell for.

"I know," I acquiesced. "She cares about you, too. I'm grateful for how you've stood by her through everything and I know she's lucky to have you as a friend."

"Friend," he scoffed, giving a huff at the word as if it was some offensive slur. "Right."

I worried the corner of my mouth as I considered my next move. I had come to give Mason a hard time about endangering Rose, but now that I was here, I was tempted to do something else with this opportunity. As much as I hated the idea of anyone else with Rose, Mason really was a good kid and I'd rather them be together, even for a short while, than for her to be completely alone. Or even worse, for her to be taken advantage of by some self entitled Moroi Royal who felt like he was doing a favor to our race simply by looking at her.

"Have you asked Rose out?"

Mason's eyes widened in surprised, obviously caught off guard that I was even talking to him about something like this. It wasn't exactly a subject that made me comfortable, and I could tell it was a bit awkward for him, but I didn't back down and he finally answered me.

"No. There hasn't really been much of an opportunity. I wanted to ask her to the Equinox dance last month, but things kinda got in the way, ya know?"

I nodded, understanding some of his hesitance. A mysterious trail of dead animals and a sudden kidnapping definitely can distract a person.

"Well, forgive me for my bluntness and please understand that I don't typically feel the need to meddle in the love lives of novices, but..." I gave a small breath, bracing for what I was going to say.  _I can't believe I'm doing this._ "...perhaps you should take her on a date or two over the holiday break. I'm busy with guarding shifts and we wont be keeping our normal training schedule, so she should have some extra time on her hands."

Mason looked at me incredulously, clearly not expecting me to suggest anything regarding his dating habits. His silence got the better of my nerves and I continued.

"It's obvious that you like her. To be perfectly frank, I think she is harboring more than friendly feelings for you as well."

Mason's grin brightened considerably at my confession.

"You both have a few more months before graduation. You deserve the opportunity to be teenagers and have some fun before you receive your promise marks. Take the chance and ask Rose out. If anything comes of it...I promise to make sure she has the occasional Friday night off from training. Deal?"

"Deal!" Mason eagerly reached for the handshake I offered him. "Thank you, Guardian Belikov."

"Please, call me Dimitri." If I'm going to play reluctant wing man to the guy perusing the girl I loved, there was no reason to be formal about it. "Rest that ankle and I'd be happy to help you work on some balance techniques when we get back to the Academy."

Somehow, he looked even more thrilled at this proposition, offering nothing more than an eager silent nod.

With that, I took my leave. It was time to have a chat with Rose about her own reckless behavior.

* * *

It took a while to find Rose. I knew where I had last seen her – walking towards the equipment rental to drop of both her and Mason's skis – but that had been almost twenty minutes ago. She would probably be long gone by now. A part of me missed the familiarity of the Academy where I knew her haunts and could find her almost as easily as she could find Lissa at a moment's notice.

It was a surprise to me then, when I finally found her ten minutes later near the same entrance where she must have come in from returning the gear. She wasn't alone though. I heard her voice mingling with that of a man's, and when I finally caught sight of her, she was talking to none other than Adrian Ivashkov.

He was only a few years younger than myself, but his reputation as a party animal and playboy had made him notorious. When I had warned Roza about entitled Moroi men using her for nothing more than their momentary pleasure, Adrian was just the sort of person I was describing, even more so than Jesse who I had caught her with earlier this year.

Due to their age and royal status, Ivan and Adrian had run in similar social circles, but Ivan avoided him as often as possible and I followed his lead. I had yet to really have a proper conversation with Adrian, and he seemed content to dismiss me entirely, the way most other Royals regarded guardians and other dhampirs.

Unfortunately for everyone, he  _had_  taken notice of Rose. Based on his body language, I could see that he was interested in her. He kept a respectable distance for now, but he made his intent known in the way he leaned towards her and occasionally raked his eyes over every inch of her body. The way he looked at her held a vague possessiveness that came with generations of getting anything and anyone you wanted. With a last name like his, there was no doubt in my mind that he was used to having his way.

Roza didn't seem willing or charmed though. At least not at first. The longer they spoke, the more I watched the initial disgust on her countenance fade into something that resembled intrigue more than interest. I made my way a bit closer to hear their conversation as he extended his hand to her, perhaps properly introducing himself.

She pulled her hand from his as she shook her head. "You don't know anything about me. And I only know of your  _family_. I don't know anything about  _you._ "

"Want to?" His voice was taunting, but not so much as to disguise the actual offer in his question. I felt my temper flare at actually hearing him proposition her.

Rose seemed unimpressed. "Sorry. I'm not into older guys."

Adrian's eyes flickered towards me for the briefest moment, somehow avoiding Rose's notice while acknowledging me for the first time...though I sensed that he had known my presence for longer than he let on. I was grateful that my face wouldn't betray the amusement I felt at Rose's false claim, nor would I give that secret away.

"I'm twenty-one. Not that much older," he pressed.

"I have a boyfriend."

In the back of my mind, I knew that she was simply seeking a different excuse and way out of the conversation, but I couldn't help the way it made me feel to think that she could be referring to meme with that title. It was only a moment later when I realized that she could be referencing Mason just as easily as me, and perhaps even more so considering her first statement.

When Rose's attention shifted elsewhere on the snowy mountain, I caught Adrian glancing my way again. It was both curious and all together unsettling in the way he seemed to understand what was going through my mind. He seemed almost...amused?

As Rose stared at whatever had caught her eye among the many skiers, and Adrian's focus completely on me, he replied. "Funny you didn't mention that before."

The way he said it chilled me. There was no way that he could know the truth about the situation between Rose and I, but the way he considered me as he spoke hinted at the impossible knowledge of something more.

Seeing that Rose was currently holding her own against his abrasive charisma, I slipped behind the wall and out of his view. I could still hear the sounds of conversation, and even though I couldn't hear the exact words, their tone would warn me if thing got out of hand. I was close enough to break up things if she needed me to, but I didn't want to feel exposed under Adrian's gaze a moment longer than I had to. It was fairly unnerving.

Soon, a second female voice joined the duo, and they entire group broke only a few moments later. The Rinaldi girl, Mia, passed me in the hall, hardly even seeing me through her own seething. A few minutes passed before I saw Rose walk down the hall in the opposite direction of where I had concealed myself. I was about to follow her when I heard the heavier footsteps of a man coming closer to me, and it didn't take an introduction for me identify the voice that spoke to me from around the corner.

"So...she isn't into older guys?"

I stayed silent, hoping that he was simply speaking to himself out loud. My hope was quickly dashed.

"And let me guess, you aren't into younger girls?"

I stepped around the corner to see him leaning casually against the wall, waiting for me to emerge. I didn't dignify his question with a response, but I apparently didn't need to do so to confirm his suspicions.

"I'm guessing you aren't the aforementioned boyfriend..." his eyes flickered from my face to the space around my head "...but ah, you want to be. Don't you?"

I set my jaw, fighting the urge to grab him by the collar and throw him off the nearby balcony. I tried to remain as visually impartial as I could, but I could feel the tension building and my teeth start to grind against each other.

"The apathetic guardian act wont work on me Cradle Robber, I can read you like a book. Trust me, I don't blame you one little bit. Rose is quite tempting." He looked off towards the direction she had left before adding, "I wouldn't mind getting her naked and alone."

I knew the comment was designed to goad me more than anything else, but my reaction was instinctive. Two emotions surged at once. The first was the unrelenting rage that this arrogant, self-centered womanizer would suggest such a thing. It was followed quickly by the overwhelming guilt when my mind flashed to a moment when I had done just that. I would have expected him to anticipate and perhaps react to the former. However, his eyes grew wide, not in fear but in surprise, morphing easily into delighted grin of someone who now held all the cards.

"No..." He hissed, astonished.

I kept my face neutral, but it didn't matter to him.

"Ah, this is too glorious. The good Guardian isn't quite as honorable as he seems. Thankfully, I have no pretense of honor to live up to. I'm sure I'll get my own chance soon enough."

The building tension broke quickly in a blast of energy. Before I could think about what I was doing, I had him pinned against the wall, my forearm pressed against his chest and my face close enough to smell the trace of alcohol on his breath.

"Stay away from her." Each word in my demand was enunciated carefully to make sure there was absolutely no chance of miscomunication between us. Like Jesse so long ago, I was powerless to truly follow through on any threat. The only difference was this time, my victim knew it. Adrian knew I couldn't hurt him and even worse, he knew that held power over me. His momentary shock at my attack faded into something closer to pity until I couldn't stand to look at him any longer.

I released him, feeling smaller and more powerless than I had in years.

The bastard laughed as I walked away.


	11. Chapter 11

That night, all my dreams centered on the idea of losing Rose. I lost her to the deathly grip of Strigoi. I lost her to Victor's Psi-Hounds. I lost her to Mason. I lost her to Adrian. I lost her due to my own selfishness and stupidity. Over and over again, until I didn't dare close my eyes anymore. Instead, I laid awake, staring at the ceiling and trying to figure out exactly how I was going to piece together my life.

The sun eventually started to set, marking the start of a new day. I welcomed the distraction that work would provide for a short time. I had an early morning shift and I was glad for it. Natasha had invited me to a training session with Christian, and as intrigued as I was to see their offensive magic in action, I also knew that plausible denibility was a valid concern. I was already playing with fire when it came the non-relationship with Roza, and it was generally a good idea to only contemplate breaking one law at a time. They were planning on being done by lunch and I had promised to meet Tasha at the cafe near the lobby.

The trio of Christian, Lissa, and Rose poured out together from the hallway, without Tasha in sight. Lissa seemed to be scolding Rose for something based on the way Rose held her hands on her hips defensively. I'd seen that stance more than once during our training sessions and it generally meant that Rose was losing her patience. I briefly wondered if I should step in and try to diffuse the impending time bomb, but someone else beat me to the punch.

"Hey there, Hop-Along." Rose's smile returned instantly as she addressed Mason, reaching for his hand as he approached her.

Seeing how easily her hand slip into his stung, but I reminded myself of my decision to encourage their relationship. If the choice was between him and Adrian, I'd choose Mason every time. I only hoped the boy would take my advice and ask her out soon, before someone else tried to charm her out of his grasp.

I saw the look of anger, exacerbated by his own insecurity, only a moment before spoke. "Is it true you were hanging out with Adrian Ivashkov?"

Rose's hand flew back from his touch immediately, looking as confused as both Christian and Lissa beside her. "I – What?"

Mason pressed forward and all I could think about was how he was really screwing up his chance right now. "I heard you guys got drunk last night."

"You did?" Vasilissa looked shocked, but not necessarily unsurprised, as if it wouldn't be above Rose's character to do something like that.

I knew that she had matured quite a bit in the past few months, and I wanted to believe that she was above something so reckless, but at that moment I was incredibly interested in hearing her answer.

"No, of course not! I barely know him."

"But you  _do_  know him," Mason pressed.

"Barely."

"He's got a bad reputation," warned Lissa.

"Yeah," added Christian, looking uncharacteristically concerned, "he goes through a lot of girls."

"Will you guys lay off?" Rose seemed exasperated, about ready to scream. "I only talked to him for, like, five minutes! And that is only because he was blocking my way. Where are you getting all this?" She directed the question Mason, and he immediately shirked under gaze, apparently giving her the answer. "Mia," she spit with disbelieving disdain.

Mason didn't reply, but gave a small, barely noticeable nod as he continued to avoid looking at Rose. His shame was evident, and even I felt a bit of personal disappointment for doubting her for even a moment.

Suddenly Rose was the one asking the accusatory questions. "Since when did you talk to her?"

"I just ran into her, that's all."

"And you believed her? You know she lies half the time."

I was fairly surprised myself that he would trust that source of information when he was the one who had reportedly unveiled her lies just over a month ago when she was terrorizing both Rose and Lissa.

"Yeah, but there's usually some truth in the lies. And you  _did_ talk to him."

"Yes.  _Talk_. That's it." There was a tone of finality in it the way she said it, but neither novice challenged the other. In fact, it seemed like they couldn't even look at each other; Rose due to her annoyance and Mason because of his shame. Even from several yards away, I could feel the uncomfortable air between them.

It was Christian that finally broke the building tension. "I suppose no skiing today, huh?" He gestured to the ankle that still caused a slight limp in Mason's step.

Mason let out a sound of indignation, puffing out his chest and putting on a show while replying flippantly, "What, you think this is gonna slow me down?"

With one comment, Rose's annoyance at her red-headed friend vanished and was replaced with knowing grin. She apparently empathized with his need to prove himself, despite an injury that should cause him to second guess any unneeded physical stress.

Christian and Vasilisa openly stared as if they were slightly insane to return to the slopes after the events of yesterday. Perhaps they were, but that would hardly stop them.

"You guys wanna come with us?" It was a unnecessary question, as I knew she could see their anticipated reply as easily as I could.

"We can't," Lissa answered, gently shaking her blonde hair from side to side. "We have to go to this luncheon being hosted by the Contas."

"There you are."

My attention was suddenly pulled from the students across the room to the much closer female voice that was taking her seat across from me.

"Sorry I'm late. I had some evidence to dispose of," Natasha whispered playfully, though I was fairly certain it wasn't a lie. When your element is fire, it's only a matter of time before something gets burned.

"Not a problem. I haven't been here long and the kids were more than enough of a distraction." I nodded in their direction as the two pairs split for their separate activities. "You sure you don't have somewhere else to be?"

"The Conta's luncheon? Hardly. Liliana wouldn't be caught dead inviting someone of my station to such an event." Her sarcastic self-deprecation hinted at the actual slight she must have felt, inducing a wistful sigh at the retreating form of her nephew. "I never imagine him being pulled into that world. I can't quite say if I'm more worried or proud that he is being accepted into society."

"I guess it was unavoidable when he started dating Vasilisa. She hardly has a choice in the matter herself, but I think he keeps her grounded about these things."

Her distracted nod made me wonder if she even heard my reply. I reached out and tapped her hand, recapturing her attention from the now empty hallway.

"You've done well with him, Tash. He can handle himself. Don't worry, okay?"

"Well, now you are just asking the impossible!"

I laughed along with her, happy to see her returning to the carefree girl I knew so well.

"When does your shift start?"

"Split shift today. I just got off the first half less than a half hour ago and I'll be starting another four hour shift around two."

"You know, you have to sleep sometime." There was an odd quality in her smirk that made me wonder if she was teasing me or  _teasing_  me. I decided to just ignore the possible flirtation for the time being.

"Trust me, this isn't so bad. At least my breaks involve decent company."

"Do you have a day off at all during this trip?"

"I pulled Sunday off," referring to the lottery style way the school guardians chose our own vacation during the break, "The day after the Voda's Dinner. I'll be working the event, but I'll have the next day to myself. I'm thinking of pulling Rose for some training, since I don't want her to start slacking..."

"Nonsense, that girl works as hard as you do and deserves just as much of a break. Leave the poor thing alone. I'll treat you to some fun instead, what do you say?"

I could see that she was really hoping that I would say yes. I'm not sure what she had in mind, but I could see that by saying yes, I would make her happier than whatever it was that she had planned to relax and treat me. I couldn't deny her that. But even my slight hesitation didn't go unnoticed by her, and I saw her face drop a fraction before I agreed.

"That sounds wonderful. Thank you."

Our sandwiches arrived to the table, and we ate in silence for a while. Normally, I didn't mind the silence. While I often teased Rose about her mindless chatter during practice, the truth was that much of our time together was spent in peaceful quiet. That was a comfortable silence, unlike what I surrounded by now. I felt the need to say something to fill it, and every moment of quiet that passed seemed to make me a bit more anxious.

"Do you have any questions?"

"Excuse me?" Even though I was practically begging for one of us to say something, her question still caught me off guard.

"Any questions? About my offer I mean." She seemed just as ill at ease as I felt, which was saying something. She tucked her hair behind her ear for the third time in the last minute, and I was beginning to recognize it as a nervous tick of hers. "I just...you haven't given an answer yet...and I just want to make sure you had all the information you needed. I'm not trying to pressure you, I know it's a big decision, but I can't act like this isn't hanging over our heads."

"You're right, it is hanging over our heads but..." I sighed, trying to figure out something to say without giving an answer either way.

"What's standing in your way? You like to think things through – I know that – but this seems different. This seems like you're...hesitating for some reason."

I didn't know what to say to her. I've spent every moment of my free time thinking this through. There were a million and a half reasons to leave, but none of them seemed to compare to the one reason for me to stay.

"Perhaps I am a bit," I admitted.

She looked sympathetic rather than annoyed, patiently waiting for me to elaborate further.

I took a deep breath, using any spare moment I could to gather my thoughts. I didn't want to hurt her, but I felt the need to voice my concerns, albeit in a fairly round about way. "I just don't want to put pressure on us. This arrangement...I don't want you to feel like you have to do this just for my benefit. That's a whole lot to ask from anyone, especially a friend." It was a lot to ask from me.

"Dimitri. I wouldn't have offered this if I wasn't at least a little interested in you. I'm not that self sacrificing." She looked almost amused at my concerns, setting me slightly on edge. I did what I could to calm myself. "If it makes you feel better, we could take things slow."

"What do you mean?" The trip ended in just over a week, even if we took the entire time to 'take things slow' as she suggested, it would still be way too fast for my taste.

"Nobody said that we had to leave right after everyone returns to the academy. We could wait until the school year is out. That way you have a chance to finish training Rose and you wouldn't be leaving Vasilisa without a guardian. In the mean time, we could date a little and get to know one another again. We don't even need to put the paperwork in motion until we see if this is something worth pursuing. No pressure, just an opportunity. I would need to return home for a little while, but I think I could make arrangements to stay on campus every now and then. Would that help settle your worries any?"

In one fell swoop, she had erased every every logical reason for rejecting her. The only problem was that my biggest hesitation had nothing to do with logic. It was also one thing I knew I couldn't discuss with her. Still, it was incredibly considerate of her and I knew I should at least try.

"Honestly, that would help quite a bit. I'd still like to think things through a little more, but it would be hard to pass up such an offer." The enthusiasm I forced into my voice seemed thin at best, but it seemed to satisfy her. "I have to take care of a few things before my next shift, but thank you for meeting me for lunch. It really was nice to talk to you."

I stood, tossing enough cash onto the table to pay for both of our meals. I appreciated that Tasha didn't make a show of protesting my old fashioned ways and allowed me to treat her. I knew she was more than capable of taking care of herself. She had done so time and time again and was possibly in a better financial position than I was. Still, something as small as this made me feel like there some semblance of normalcy in our relationship. This is what most men would do for a woman they were dating, or considering dating, and despite everything else our potential agreement entailed, I could at least get a small grasp on this.

"Thank you for lunch, Dimitri. I'll see you again soon."

I leaned down, hesitating before giving a small kiss on her cheek. Before, I never second guessed the gesture. It was common in Russia to kiss a dear friend in parting. However, this was the first time I had attempted it since the day of the shopping trip, when she surprised me be meeting my friendly intention with her lips and a suggestion of something much more complicated. Today, there was no such surprise and I made my way back to finish some paperwork before starting my next shift.

I started at the same position that I had taken yesterday: monitoring the gathering space between the lodge and the base of the mountain. There were several seating areas including some small dining tables. The main ski lift that took you three quarters of the way up the mountain, accessing a majority of the runs, was to the far left. I knew that there was a second lift that could take you up the remaining length up, but it only held some more difficult runs and wasn't used nearly as much as the primary lift.

I had a decent view of the wide expanse where all the runs came together at the bottom, and watching the students and other guests come and go was enough to keep my mind fairly occupied. Around the end of my shift, I finally saw Rose and Mason again. There was evidence of a full day of skiing on them, and Mason's limp had deepened significantly because of it. They made their way towards the rental shack with their skis over their shoulders, apparently done for the day. I tried to ignore the twinge of jealousy as his hand brushed against hers while they walked, both laughing freely. I understood why Rose felt bitter seeing me interact with Tasha earlier. Seeing her interact without restraint – in a way that we were simply unable to – was a hard pill to swallow.

Suddenly, a flash of white crossed my vision, hitting the boy upside the head. I followed the snowball's trajectory to a small group of pines near a storage shed. Sandy blond hair peeked around from it's hiding place.

"Too slow Ashford! Doesn't pay to be in love," Eddie Castile called out, and I couldn't help but agree with the statement. "We'll still take you in, though, if you want to be on our team. Even if you do dodge like a girl."

His last comment was obviously directed at Rose as much as Mason, and she returned his jab by sticking out her tongue before she and Mason took off together and returned fire, apparently joining the fray.

I saw one of the younger Guardians come up from behind me. "Should we stop them? It's against academy rules."

"We aren't at the academy, and I doubt a few snow balls will do any harm." I never quite agreed with that rule anyway. As long as we didn't attack the Moroi student's, the novices at at St. Basils were free to test their aim in the occasional snow ball fight. "I'll keep things from getting too out of hand."

The small group of novices grew to include a few more as the fight went on. All of the students flung just as many mocking insults as they did frozen projectiles. Rose's aim seemed to stand out among the pack and I took a little personal pride her her accuracy.

After one particularly good hit on Novice Castile, Rose furthered his humiliation by giving a victory dance. I stared with a sidelong glance, trying not to be to obvious. I was equally amused and entranced by the way she playfully moved about him. I had to give Eddie some credit: had she been shaking her hips in front of me the way she was doing to him, I would have been tempted to touch. By the way Eddie cocked his eyebrow in Mason's direction, I would hazard a guess that the same thought crossed both boys' mind. Unlike me, Mason wasn't held back by decorum actually took on the challenge. He quickly made his way over, picked her up, threw her over his shoulder, and tossed her into a nearby hill of powdery snow. Even I laughed when he finished his assault by stuffing a handful of snow down the back of her coat, earning a a high pitched shriek from his victim.

My laughter was quickly ended when she suddenly turned on him, tackling him to the ground and pinning him in the same manner I had pinned her once in practice. In an instant, my mind flashed back to the first time I had nearly given in to my feelings for Rose. I could see the same scene playing out before me now. Both students seemed caught up in moment before they were interrupted by the shouting of another Guardian who must have seen the snow ball fight. Rose slowly stood, pulling him up after her, and the two of them took off before Stan could hand out punishments.

Not fully escaping his notice, Stan caught sight of the pair hurrying into the lodge and started after them. I stepped in and assured him that I would take care of the matter. He didn't need to know that my punishment wouldn't consist of more than the instruction to not participate in another snow war again.

I slipped around the corner to the entrance, just in time to witness something that I had never hoped to see with my own eyes.

Roza, my Roza, stepped towards the boy and pressed her lips against his. It was a fairly innocent kiss, one that you might expect from two young teenagers, but it opened the door to something more. Worse, was the recognition that she had been the one to instigate the kiss, sealing my fate in my mind. As she stepped back, still within the confines of his embrace, she spoke just loud enough for me to hear.

"You see? You have nobody to worry about. Not Adrian. Not anybody."

_Not me._

Mason didn't hesitate pulling her in again, exchanging the smile on their lips for another kiss. I left without either of them noticing me, too caught up in each other to notice an unintentional audience.

I switched my earlier position for a patrol route until the end of my shift. I needed to keep moving, because if I stopped for even a moment, I didn't know what I would do. There was such an intense conflict of emotions warring within me and I couldn't keep a hold of one long enough to consider what it meant. There was a part of me that was understandably morose, watching Roza move on from me. Another part of me, one that I wished didn't exist, was enraged that she seemed to move on to the next suitor so easily. Some of that anger was turned inward because I had lost her; I was too caught up in what was right to do what felt right. Finally, the last emotion that weaved through my mind was that of bittersweet contentment. Rose seemed happier in that moment than she had in weeks as she dealt with my warring affections. I was happy that Mason was finally able to step up to the plate and give her the open, uncomplicated relationship that she deserved.

I kept walking until my shift ended, and didn't stop until I was in front of one of the guest rooms. I don't remember making the decision to come here, but once I knocked on the door, I knew there was no turning back. My hand lifted of it's own volition and gave three sharp raps.

Within 30 seconds, the door creaked open, revealing a dark mane of hair being pulled into a messy knot and the woman it belonged to.

"Dimka? What are you doing here?"

"Can I come in?

She stepped aside, letting her actions speak for her. I intended to do the same.

As she shut the door, turning back towards me with a slight look of surprise at my sudden arrival, I cupped her cheek, brushing my thumb along the raised skin of her scar. My heart didn't race at the same frantic pace that it did when I had been this close to Rose, but I couldn't deny that it was beating loud in my ears. It was hard to distinguish if it was a reaction to my anticipation or simply nerves brought on by the unknown. In this moment, I decided that it didn't matter.

I wasn't the only one responding to the situation. Tasha seemed slightly out of breath. She waited for me to make the first move, perhaps still unsure about what this meant. To be frank, I wasn't entirely sure myself, but I felt the need to distract myself and pushing forward with her seemed as reasonable as anything else at the moment.

I bent down, testing the feel of her lips against mine in nearly the same way I did years ago when we had briefly dated before. Even with our history, everything felt new again. When we had dated before, it had been lighthearted and non-demanding. Neither of us expected much more than the companionship of the other. Things were different this turn around. Now, there was the promise of commitment and family. I still didn't feel like I was in a position to promise those things to her now, but I felt like in time...maybe I could.

I slipped my free hand from between her shoulder blades to the small of her back, tugging her closer to me as I opened my mouth against hers. I could feel her finally relax into my affection, and soon after we were both getting lost in the situation.

I had to admit that there was something nice about not feeling guilty about my actions, or at least not as guilty. Somewhere in the back of my mind, there was the thought of Roza and how I was cheating all three of us by pressing forward with Tasha when I still had feelings for her. But she was moving on, and I needed to also. Tasha was willing, and was just the distraction I needed to keep from feeling lonely and heartbroken about what I witnessed earlier.

I was so lost in the physical sensation, I didn't realize that I had moved us against her bed. Or perhaps she had moved me. Either way, I didn't disagree with the sudden change and sat on the edge before pulling her up to straddle my lap, holding her hips to keep her secure against me. I had dreampt of Rose in this position more than once, and the feeling was better than my mind had conjured.

I let go of every worry about right and wrong and simply let myself feel her move against me. My lips traveled away from her mouth, roaming her cheek, her jaw, and her throat. It felt so good to feel this freedom, that I didn't notice a distinct change.

"Dimka. Your phone."

Tasha's voice, slightly breathless, broke me of my abject illusion. I pulled back, looking into her ice blue eyes rather than the warm brown ones that I had been so sure were waiting for me a moment ago. I was thankfully able to keep the shock and regret from my face as she repeated herself.

"You're phone's going off. I think someone's calling you." She shifted slightly on my lap, perhaps uncomfortable with the proximity of the vibrating phone in my pocket. I was just as uncomfortable, noticing exactly how caught up I had gotten in our tryst, even if I hadn't been fully aware of who it was with.

I slipped my hand in my pocket, accidentally brushing against the rough denim that covered her thigh when she moved to sit beside me. I cleared my throat, hoping to sound less flustered when I answered the call without checking the caller ID.

"Belikov." It was still gruff, but I hoped that whoever was on the other end of the line would assume the roughness in my voice was due to sleep rather than other bedroom activities.

"Guardian Belikov, it's Alberta. We are calling an emergency meeting with some of the school guard leaders in twenty minutes. There's been an attack outside of Chico, CA. It seems like it might have been by the same group that attacked the Badica household, or it was at least done in the same manner. We'd like to compare some notes from the scene with what you witnessed and discuss a plan of action. We'll be meeting in Guardian Hathaway's room."

"I'll head over right away." I glanced over at Tasha, knowing that she was able to hear the entire phone conversation with her superior Moroi hearing. She nodded, not in consent but in agreement. I needed to go right now.

I stood and left her without fanfare. In hindsight, I could have at least offered a goodbye and perhaps a promise to pick up where we left off. However, I was in no mindset to do either. My attempt to focus on the job ahead was punctuated with regret about what had just happened.


	12. Chapter 12

The meeting started with just a few select guardians. Guardian Petrov, as captain of the school guard was present, as well several of the other leaders. While I didn't hold a leadership position on the school guard, my presence seemed to be unquestioned by the others. It was obvious why I was here. There were also a few private guardians present. I greeted Guardian Hathaway, who was supplying the make shift command center, and gave a silent nod to the others gathering around. While I was acquainted with many of them, I couldn't say that I knew them personally and now wasn't the time for idle chit chat.

The attack happened in a small town called Paradise, about ten miles outside of Chico, Calafornia. It appeared that three of the families from the Drozdov Royal line were spending their holiday together in a small vacation home there when the attack came.

Once again, it was a warded property. One of the private guards who worked for another Drozdov family member was familiar with the vacation home was able to give us some more detailed information and a basic sketch of the floor plan until we received the official blueprints.

The main house was large, with several different suites to house different branches of the family. There were also some smaller guest houses, partially attached to the main house, that were often used for staff, including some of the accompanying guardians. Since the the vacation home was converted for Moroi use, it included many security features designed to protect those within the surrounding wards. It all ended up being for naught.

In total, there were 13 confirmed deaths with another three people missing and assumed dead. Five were guardians, another three were staff members. None of the members of the household had made it out alive. We learned of the attack when one of the relatives of the members not vacationing there had called several times without response and finally sent someone to take a look.

Perhaps the most concerning thing - as we learned from Guardian Bosch who worked for the Drozdov who had sent the search party and was now supplying us with most of our information – was that family trip to the vacation home had been a last minute plan. Guardian Bosch and his charge had also been invited but had declined because they had already planned to accompany the school to lodge. That meant that whatever group was planning these attacks were doing so quickly and efficiently, perhaps using inside information.

Once the official report was faxed over, many other members of the School Guard started arriving, as well as other private guardians who wanted to learn more and volunteer their services. There was quite a bit of movement in the small hotel room, many discussions but nothing substantial or concrete.

Janine was calling the group to order when I noticed someone else slip through the door. At first, I wondered if she had been called here for the same reason I had been, but the way she avoided me and the questioning look from Alberta confirmed that she was not officially invited. I didn't make any move to remove her though. I didn't feel comfortable talking to her after the events of the evening and I was more than happy to leave the task to Guardian Petrov or Rose's mother if they felt that Rose shouldn't be present.

"There has to be more than last time." Guardian Hathaway whispered it under her breath, more to herself than anyone else, but those surrounding her understood.

"More?" An unfamiliar guardian with a slight accent stared between her and the paperwork on the table. "That last group was unheard of. I still can't believe seven Strigoi managed to work together – you expect me to believe they managed to get more organized?"

"Yes." Janine's response was short, sharp, and final.

"Any evidence of humans?" The female guardian to my left asked. I believe her name was Gabrielle. Many of the other guardians in the room shifted at the idea. It wasn't unheard of for some humans to work with Strigoi, it had happened in the past, but it was still rare enough to bring an difficult and unknown element to the case.

"Yes. More broken wards. And the way it was all conducted," She looked towards me and I gave a confirming nod, "it's identical to the Badica attack." The weariness in her voice was matched by the same sense of nervous apprehension inside of me. Before this attack, I could hope that the Badica Massacre was an isolated situation. It was horrible, but it was a single event. With this new attack, I couldn't ignore the feeling that this was the start of something new. Even worse, it was something that we were entirely unprepared for. By the looks of things, many of the other Guardian's felt the same way.

Guardian Hathaway continued the meeting, flipping through some of the paperwork. "They don't have full forensic details yet, but the same number of Strigoi couldn't have done this. None of the Drozdovs or their staff escaped. With five guardians, seven Strigoi would have been preoccupied – at least temporarily – for some to escape. We're looking at nine or ten, maybe."

 _That's a hopeful number,_  I added silently, turning on a projection of the blueprints so the rest could see the other evidence of how she came to that conclusion. "Janine's right. If you look at the venue...it's too big. Seven couldn't have covered it." I wasn't even sure ten would have covered the area. I personally wondered in the number was closer to thirteen.

I could see Rose trying to puzzle something out in her mind. I assumed that perhaps she was coming to a similar conclusion I was about the possible number of Strigoi, but I couldn't be sure. She sat silently through the meeting, taking everything in but not adding anything. I was grateful that she was acting professionally, and to be honest, I didn't expect anything less. Rose might have a reputation for acting insubordinate, but the truth was that when push came to shove, she was level headed and did what she needed to when she needed to. Not many people had seen that side of her yet, but I looked forward to the day that when she would surprise them all.

The meeting continued, mostly answering questions and assuring others that while there was no concrete plan yet about how to react to this attack and prepare to prevent more, the Guardian Council was working on how we would handle the situation. There would even been a meeting held here among some of the Moroi leaders to discuss the event and it's repercussions. Communication would continue to be relayed to the lodge and Guardians were welcomed to get updates whenever they wanted. Any major updates would automatically be sent out to them.

"First Badica, now Drozdovs...They're going after royals." It was the same irritating guardian from before, and his comment aggravated me. A statement like that would do nothing but encourage hysteria. The last thing we needed right now was for the government to pull all guardian and redistribute them only among the highest class, leaving the vast majority of Moroi without even minor protection.

"They're going after Moroi," I corrected. "Royal. Non-royal. It doesn't matter."

My comment must have sparked something in Roza because as soon as the words left my mouth, she sat up straighter. I could see her fidget as she waited for the meeting to end, but she remained silent. As soon as her mother dismissed the group, she stood and made her way over to us.

"Rose!" Janine looked at her daughter, apparently noticing her for the first time. "What are you doing here?"

Rose showed a significant amount of control in not rolling her eyes, but her face still showed her disbelief at her mother's cluelessness. For once, I'm pretty sure my face mirrored Rose's on that front. Guardian Janine Hathaway was known for being one of the best guardians of our age, and the ability to take notice of your surroundings is a basic skill, so it was hard to believe that Janine seemed practically unable to see her daughter among the crowd. I was wondering if years of ignoring her had simply made the practice habit.

Rose ignored the slight and pressed on, pointing at the clipboard of information. "Who else was killed?"

"Drozdovs."

"But who else?"

It was clear that the day ways already taking its toll on Guardian Hathaway, and Rose's questioning didn't seem to be helping at all. "Rose, we don't have the time -"

"They had staff, right?" Rose interrupted, cutting her mother off and gesturing vaguely in my direction without actually looking at me. "Dimitri said non-royals. Who were they?"

I didn't understand what she could be getting at, but I could see that she was deturmined to get the information she was asking and wouldn't stop her questioning until she did so. I was about to say something to that effect when Janine gave an exhausted sigh and started flipping through her paper work. "I don't know all the names," She stopped on a page and turned to show Rose. "There."

Rose's fingertip ran along the page gently, her eyes following its path, until it suddenly stopped. I could see her whisper something under her breath but I didn't make it out. She looked back at her mother. "Okay. Thanks." She nodded once towards me, still not actually looking at me, and turned to grab Lissa's hand before heading out the door.

It was obvious that whatever she had seen on that list had upset her, and I wanted nothing more than to follow after her and try to make it right somehow. I flipped through my own paperwork until I came across the names that she had asked for.

_David Christopher Smith_

_Odette Rinaldi_

_James Hugo_

None of the names had stricken me as familiar, but by the look on Rose's face, she had recognized one. I would have to ask her about it later.

"Dimitri! We need you to take a look at this..."

For now, I had a job to do.

* * *

I saw Rose once or twice around the Lodge that day as me and the other guardians on staff went about adding extra protection and reassuring students and Moroi alike that everything was being done to make sure that we were safe and secure. Rose had apparently traded Mason's company for Lissa's, as she was never more than a few feet away from the Princess. I could also see that the carefree girl that had appeared over the past few days had disappeared in favor of the guardian she was destined to be.

Eventually, the entire lodge seemed to quiet as people filed into the large banquette hall. It seemed like every seat in the building had been gathered to hold the crowd, many of whom has already arrived.

Without it even needing to be said, the population had divided themselves. The Official Council members who were in attendance, four total, were on the podium facing the audience. Other royal family members were divided in the first half dozen rows of seating, each family sticking to one another. Some were large groups, such as the Zecklos clan, but others were much smaller. Tasha and Christian sat alone in representing the Ozeras. Perhaps Vasilisa had been a better influence on the boy than I had initially thought. Vasilisa also sat near the front, alone but with her head held high. I felt a small surge of pride for my young charge. She had more than her fair share of trials but for the most part, she handles them with grace. It will be fascinating to see what she is capable of as she grows older.

Behind the royal families sat the non-royal Moroi. Even if some had a royal blood to them, none of it mattered unless they had a last name to match. Honestly though, there was a better chance of the dhampirs holding royal lineage than the non-royal Moroi. Non-royal Moroi may be treated as second class citizens, but at least they were still considered people more often than not.

The Novices, guardians, and other dhampirs sat in the back of the room or, in the case of many of the Guardians, they stood like statues around the edge of the room. I finally found Rose, away from Lissa for the first time all day, and I wasn't surprised to see Mason right back by her side. While Rose seemed solely focused on keeping her eyes on Lissa, Mason kept looking between Rose and the other activity around him. I could tell that he was trying to find someway to comfort or maybe support her, but her body language was so stiff, it was clear that she wouldn't be receptive to anything at the moment.

I could understand his desire though. Feeling my own need to offer some relief, I sat next down next to her. She startled, glancing towards me without turning her head away from the front. Her posture relaxed immediately after and Mason took the chance to to reach out for her hand.

Voices started raising as soon as the unofficial meeting came to order. It didn't take long for the issue to become a shouting match between the different royal families. Non-royal Moroi and dhampirs were simply there to witness. There seemed to be two predominate solutions that they kept coming back two and neither was ideal.

"The answer's is all around us. Here. In places like this lodge." The Tarus Royal gestured around the room. "And in places like St. Vladimir's. We send our children to safe places, places where they have safety in numbers and can be easily guarded. And look how many of us made it here, children and adults alike. Why don't we live this way all the time?"

"Plenty of us already do!" The shout came from the Lazar family, but I didn't see the individual.

Tarus waved the protest off. "A couple of families here and there. Or a town with a large Moroi population. But those Moroi are still decentralized. Most don't pool their resources...their guardians, their magic..."

Of course guardians would be considered a resource. Not even staff, we were just a commodity. I could see Tasha glance back at me with a look of disgust. At least there was one person up there who understood how how wrong his statement had been.

"...If we could emulate this model, we'd never have to worry about Strigoi again."

"And Moroi would never interact with the rest of the world again," Rose muttered next to me before giving a little huff. "Well, until humans discovered secret vampire cities sprouting up in the wilderness. Then we'd have  _lots_  of interactions."

 _I bet the Alchemists would love that,_  I thought cynically. I doubted those vying for this solution even knew about the presence of the humans who were so vital for keeping out society as hidden as it was. As far as I knew, their existence was fairly limited knowledge. We didn't even tell novices until they graduate and receive their promise marks. Most Moroi were never told at all.

Arguments for and against the plan continued between the families until Monica Szelsky stood. I went to school with some of her cousins so perhaps her viewpoint shouldn't have surprised me, but it was hard not to be shocked at what she was suggesting.

"The problem is simply that we don't have enough guardians, and so, the answer is simple:  _get more._  The Drozdovs had five guardians, and that wasn't enough. Only six to protect over a dozen Moroi! That's unacceptable. It's no wonder these kind of things keep happening."

"Where do you propose getting these guardians from? They're kinda of a limited resource." This man really needed to stop calling an entire race of people a 'resource'.

Monica pointed towards the back of the room, almost directly at my Rose beside me. "We've got plenty already. I've watched them train. They're deadly. Why are we waiting until they turn eighteen? If we accelerated the training program and focused more on combat training than bookwork, we could turn out new guardians when they're sixteen."

The low growl escaped before I had the chance to stop myself. I didn't even realize I had done so until I saw Rose shoot a concerned look towards me. I ignored the questioning glance, leaning forward to rest my arms on my knees, my chin in my hands.

Dhampir students already received half of the academic work of their Moroi counterparts. They weren't offered extra curricular such as foreign language or arts program until their senior year, assuming that they don't need additional combat classes. They only had the basic core subjects of science, math, and reading as it was. I wasn't even sure how much they were allowed to delve into humanities. I could see a slippery slope forming, one where dhampirs were truly nothing more than a stock of bodygaurds: fighting machines without much more than basic literally skills. I had seen from my sisters' struggles with joining the workforce that many dhampir students left school underprepared for the real world, this would make it practically impossible for these kids to do anything other than guardian work.

And that's what they were...kids. Even at eighteen, they were often still too young to be putting their lives on the line in service. Any younger was...unthinkable. Unacceptable. Monica Szelsky wasn't done yet though.

"Not only that, we have plenty of potential guardians going to waste. Where are all the dhampir women? Our races are intertwined. The Moroi are doing their part to help the dhampirs survive. Why aren't these women doing theirs? Why aren't they here?"

I felt ready to lose control at the suggestion that dhampir women, women like my own mother and sisters, would be forced into service against their will. If they were forced into service, would they also be forced into breeding? My heart nearly stopped at the thought of one of my sisters being forced to carry a child they never intend to have, of Roza being forced into a pregnancy she didn't want.

Before my mind could fully wrap around the horrendous thought and the react, I heard a low laugh from up front. It was almost sultry sounding, but I could hear the mocking edge to it, and it was entirely too familiar. Tasha stood and walked up to the podium as if she was suddenly running the meeting.

"May I?" She asked, allowing the previous moderator to step aside. Tasha, like Rose, had an impulsive streak to her, but unlike Rose it was typically well calculated rather than quickly adapted to whatever was thrown her way. I knew she had a plan and had simply been waiting for the right moment to execute it. I leaned back again in my chair, ready to see what she had up her sleeves.

"Those women aren't here, Monica, because they're too busy raising their children – you know, the ones you want to start sending out to the front line as soon as they can walk. And please don't insult us all by acting like the Moroi do a huge favor to the dhampirs by helping them reproduce. Maybe it's different in your family, but for the rest of us, sex is fun. The Moroi doing it with dhampirs aren't really making that big of a sacrifice."

I didn't miss the way she looked directly at me during her last sentence. It wasn't too obvious, but enough to make me a bit uncomfortable. I wasn't the only one who was reacting to what she had just said so bluntly. Many laughed awkwardly, a few Moroi looked outraged, poor Christian had his head ducked as if he wished he could have been anywhere else at that moment. The worst was Rose though, because she didn't just notice what Tasha had said, but where she had been looking when she said it.

I could see her posture stiffen and she purposefully did everything to not look at me. I could see her biting her lip from the corner of my eye, not in the way she did when she was concentrating on a problem, or when I knew she wanted to kiss me, but the way I had seen her do so when she was trying not to let her anger get the best of her. That anger was currently directed at me and it put me even more on edge. Finally, I could see her head start to turn, but before she could glare at me accusingly, her focus became directed beyond me.

All her anger dissipated instantly, quickly exchanged for a concerned sigh. Curiosity got the best of me and I peeked at what she was fixated on. It was the same girl from a few days ago, Mia. Considering the amount of grief the girl had given Rose and Lissa in the months I had known them, sympathy was the last thing I thought Rose would offer her, but the girl looked completely broken. She sat with her shoulders hunched, not reacting to the current conversation, and her eyes were tinted pink as if she had been crying recently. I wondered what could make the typically self assured Rinaldi girl so vulnerable.

Her name sparked a sudden recognition in me. Rinaldi. Odette Rinaldi. I remembered Rose's insistence at seeing the list of names of those who had died in the attack and her reaction afterwards. Odette must have been a close relation to Mia, and despite months of animosity between her and Rose, Rose felt compassion for the girl. It was just another reason why Rose was so amazing to me.

"And the other reason we're waiting for these guardians to turn eighteen," Tasha's voice broke through my thoughts, "is so that we can allow them to enjoy some pretense of a life before forcing them to spend the rest of their days in constant danger. They need those extra years to develop mentally as well as physically. Pull them out before they're ready – treat them like they're parts on an assembly line – and you're just creating Strigoi fodder."

Several people gasped, as if they weren't just talking about forcing women and children into the service moments ago. Tasha rose her voice louder, continuing to speak above the crowd.

"You create more fodder still if you try making the other dhampir women become guardians. You can't force them into that life if they don't want it. This entire plan of yours relies on throwing children and the unwilling into harm's way, just so you can – barely – stay one step ahead of the enemy. I would have said it's the stupidest plan I've ever heard, if I hadn't already had to listen to his."

She pointed to the man still advocating for Moroi strongholds, and he bristled at her taunt. "Enlighten us then, Natasha. Tell us what  _you_  think we should do, seeing as you have had so much experience with Strigoi."

The insult wasn't even slightly hidden, but it didn't phase her as he had expected it to. I could see that this was the opening Tasha had been waiting for. Her grin slightly sinister, conniving perhaps.

"What do I think? I think we should stop coming up with plans that involve us relying on someone or something to protect us. You think there are too few guardians? That's not the problem. The problem is that there are too many Strigoi. And we've let them multiply and become more powerful because we do nothing about them execpt have stupid arguments like this. We run and hide behind the dhampirs and let the Strigoi go unchecked. It's our fault.  _We_  are the reason those Drozdovs died. You want an army? Well, here we are. Dhampirs are't the only ones who can learn to fight. The question, Monica, isn't where the dhampir women are in the fight. The question is:  _Where are we_?"

I couldn't pretend I wasn't impressed with Tasha's impassioned speech. She had never shied away from her opinions of Moroi fighting beside us guardians, but I could see that she was winning some supporters here. Rose looked just inspired as I felt. Many of the other novices and guardians in the room seemed awestruck at the idea. Christian looked proud and determined. Some Moroi seemed curious about her thoughts while others seemed practically offended by them.

A female voice spoke from the crowd again. "Surly you aren't suggesting the Moroi fight alongside the guardians when the Strigoi come?"

"No. I'm suggesting the Moroi and guardians go fight the Strigoi  _before_  they come."

And like that, she lost half of her potential supporters. I had discussed this with Tasha before: she needed to take things one step at a time. At this point, guardians didn't perform raids. We hadn't in several generations. It had been even longer since the Moroi and dhampirs fought together. But Tasha was an all or nothing type of person. She wouldn't settle until she felt everything that could be done was being done.

Murmurs from the crowd started growing louder until a young royal about my age spoke up. "So, you're going to just give us clubs and stakes and send us off to do battle?"

Tasha shrugged, obviously not intended that in the slightest. "If that's what it takes, then sure, but there are other weapons we can learn to use, too. Ones the guardians can't."

_Don't do it, Tasha. You know how much trouble you can get into. Don't do it._

The royal goaded further. "Oh yeah? Like what?"

_No. Tasha, think. Don't do this now. Go through the proper channels like we talked about. Don't show off to make a statement._

It didn't matter. I could already see that had been waiting for this moment, perhaps for years, and she wasn't going to let it pass her by. She smiled.

"Like this." With a wave of her hand, a sweater that the man had been wearing moments ago was now aflame. He threw it to the ground and several around him fought to stamp out the flames.

Silence seemed to echo in the room. Guardians along the walls tensed, knowing that it was an obvious disobedience in the law, but unsure if they should act. Moroi stared either at Tasha or her handiwork still smoking on the floor. You could hear a pin drop.

And then chaos broke out.


	13. Chapter 13

Shouting could be heard from every part of the room. I stood, thankful that my extra height allowed me to keep an eye on Tasha as she fended off accusations. Most yelled that she was wrong. That she was crazy. A few went as far to suggest that she had been conspiring with Strigoi to end both of our races. None of the things they charged her with were any thing more than she had heard before. Once it became clear that the guardians werent going to restrain or arrest her, I was ready to leave. I knew that the Moroi verbally attacking her wouldn't start a physical altercation. Non-violence between Moroi was so ingrained, it was rare that they ever raised a fist to one another. It was considered savage, beneath them, reserved for those uncivilized. Dhampirs. Their precious resource.

The entire meeting disgusted me.

"You might as well leave. Nothing useful's going to happen now." The comment was directed at both Rose and Mason, but it went for myself too. I started walking, needed to be away from this craziness before it got the better of me. I could hear the pair stand.

"You go on. I want to check something out."

"Good luck," Rose called after him.

I tore through the doorway, stepping out into the hall and bracing myself against the wall to catch my mental bearings. It was bad enough that people were dying and we had no way to anticipate or stop the attacks, but the governing council of the Moroi – the only people who had any say on how all our lives were run – was fighting with each other. This is the soapbox on which Tasha had decided to speak from?

I took a deep breath, reminding myself that I should at least be grateful that her outburst had effectively distracted everyone from the atrocious idea of forcing unwilling dhampirs into service along with unprepared children.

I could hear here soft footsteps, only audible because I was so accustomed to them, coming up behind me in the empty hall. It had been days since I had spoken more than two words to her, but it felt like years. I felt myself craving her conversation, not just as a distraction from everything else, but for the mental and emotional refreshment it seemed to provide. I also felt a slight craving for something else with her, something a bit more physical, but I shut the possibility out.

"Shouldn't you be in there protecting Tasha? Before the mob gets her? She's going to get in big trouble for using magic like that."

I turned at the harsh sound of her voice. Apparently we still weren't on the best of terms. "She can take care of herself."

"Yeah, yeah, because she's a badass karate magic user. I get all that." She rolled her eyes before crossing her arms in a protective pose. "I just figured since you're going to be her guardian and all.."

"Where did you hear that?" I cut her off sharply, alarmed at what she had just said. If I was going to take Tasha's offer, I had wanted to be the one to tell Rose myself. I had wanted to explain why I was leaving. I had wanted to make sure arrangements were made for both her education and Lissa's protection before I left. I had wanted to make things right between us, somehow. All that had been based in the idea of  _if_  I was going to go, something that even I wasn't sure of yet.

One look at Rose, and I could tell that I had already said the wrong thing. She had been hoping I would tell her that she was wrong. I couldn't though. It was one thing to withhold information, it was another thing to outright lie to her.

"I have my sources," she murmured before replacing her insecurity with a steely look that made me brace myself. "You've decided to, right? I mean, it sounds like a good deal, seeing how she's going to give you fringe benefits..."

I wanted to tell her no. I wanted to tell her that I wasn't going to take Tasha's offer; either of her offers. But how could I tell her that when just last night I was in Tasha's room, on her bed. Had that phone call not come...I didn't want to think about it.

"What happens between her and me is none of your business."

"Well I'm sure you guys will be happy together. She's just your type, too. I know how much you like women who aren't your own age. I mean, she's what, six years older than you? Seven? And I'm seven years younger than you."

Her voice was raising, full of bitterness and pain, and I knew that the conversation needed to end as quickly as possible before someone else heard us.

"Yes, you are." I replied, "and every second this conversation goes on, you only prove how young you really are."

Her shocked expression, combined with the fading black eye her mother left her, left me with a scene that looked all too familiar. I might as well have slapped her around like my father had done to my mother. I think it would have hurt her less.

I instantly regretted my words. I regretted the entire conversion. I needed to apologize for everything but before I had a chance, I realized that we were no longer alone.

"Little dhampir." Adrian called out from his position in the hall. He had obviously heard at least part of the conversation, but I had been so focused on her that I couldn't be sure how much he had heard. He gave me a brief nod, as if confirming my thoughts that he heard more than enough.

As Rose turned to face the man who was apparently addressing her, with some pet name it seemed, he smiled. He lifted his hands in a casually defensive gesture, "I didn't want to interrupt or anything. Just wanted to talk when you have time."

Rose looked over her shoulder at me, almost as if she was asking permission. I'm sure it was instinctual, after months of training with me, but the moment I even thought about encouraging her to not go with him, she knew it. And the moment she knew I disapproved, was the instant I knew she was going to go with him. And there was nothing I could do to stop her.

She walked over to him, giving him a flirtatious smile that I knew was meant to spite me, and slipped her hand into his arm. "I've got time now."

As he led her away from me, Rose looked over her shoulder. "See you later, Guardian Belikov."

Rose rarely ever called by my official title. The fact that she did so now stung. I knew she was trying to hurt me like I had hurt her. Knowing didn't make it sting any less though.

* * *

My shift went by in a blur. I could still feel the tension in my muscles, the sinews wound so tightly that the slightest movement might cause them to snap. I went to the on site guardian gym, happy to see that it wasn't too overly occupied. I assumed that most other guardians were either on shift or trying to get some much needed rest. I couldn't rest right now, even if I wanted to.

I tried to start with something more relaxing. Running on the indoor track, reviling in the repetitive nature of weight training, even Tai Chi. In the end, I just wanted to hit something.

The heavy hanging punching bag shuddered with hit after hit. I knew that I would need to replace my hand wraps here soon, especially after the beating I was giving them today. I pressed on until I lost track of time. Combination after combination. I knew I was putting more power into the punches than I should but a part of me was feeding off the pain that eventually faded into numbness. I would have chastised Rose if she had been showing the same technique – or lack thereof – that I was now displaying, but it felt good to be in control of the pain.

When did I start losing control? I spent years learning how to balance my emotions, to reign them in and suppress those that made me weak. I guess when didn't really matter in the long run. It was  _who_  that really made the difference. Rose had somehow snuck past those walls, so silently that I never even noticed. Neither of us asked for this and I knew I was in the wrong for taking my frustration out on her earlier. I still owed her an apology.

Eventually, my strength started failing. I took a few minutes to catch my breath before gradually emptying half my water bottle. Hours had passed without me realizing it. It was time for me to leave. I needed to find Rose.

It was late enough that the first place I looked was her room. There was a slight sense of deja vu from the night before as I knocked on the door. I waited to hear some sort of stirring. I doubted that either Rose or Lissa were asleep, but it was silent inside their room. After knocking once more and waiting another five minutes, I left to search the rest of the lodge.

It became clear fairly quickly that I wasn't going to find her in the lodge that evening. Feeling an odd combination of remorse and relief that I wouldn't have to face her that evening, I started towards my room with the intent of letting exhaustion overcome me for the night.

As the elevator opened on my floor, the idea struck me unbidden. It was one of those thoughts that come out of no where but work their way into you mind so deeply that you have no choice but to act on it. I knew that trying to ignore it would be entirely hopeless.

I stepped back on the elevator, dropping a few stories to a new floor and made my way to yet another guest room. The file on my phone assured me that I had the correct room number, and this time when I knocked, I could hear movement and footsteps on the other side. An unknown teenager opened the door.

"Is Novice Ashford here?"

The dark haired boy straightened up a little, as if coming to stand at attention. "No, Sir. I believe Mason is with Rose Hathaway and her friends. He mentioned something about a party that they were going to. Can I take a message for him?"

"No, I rather see him as soon as possible," or rather, I'd like to see  _Rose_  as soon as possible, "Do you know where this party is located?"

"I'm sorry, Sir, I don't. All I can tell you is that it must be at one of the pools. He brought a swim suit with him."

I knew he was trying to be as helpful as possible, but unfortunately, that information didn't amount to much in the long run. There were four pools on site, three which could be rented out for events. This didn't account for the hot tubs that were featured in some of the higher end suits. Rose and Lissa even had one in their room, though it was fairly small. Some of the larger suites had enough to hold 10 or more.

"Novice..." I trailed off, asking his name.

"Reyes, Shane Reyes."

"Novice Reyes, do you know who is hosting the event tonight?"

"No clue. I do know that Adrian Ivashkov is the one that got them in though. Mason was kind of ranting about it. I think he's worried Ivashkov has a thing for Rose or something."

 _He's not the only one,_ I thought venomously. "Thank you for you help."

Shane took that as his cue to leave and gently shut the door as I started back down the hall. Wherever Rose and her friends where, I could only hope it was somewhere more public than Adrian's private suite. Even if they were there, I had no idea where that could be. The only place I could hope for further answer was the front desk.

"Hello. I'm looking for Adrian Ivashkov's room number."

"Are you with the school?"

"Yes ma'am. I'm looking for a group of students. He might know of their location."

"I'm sorry, Guardian. I'm unable to give you his room number since he isn't associated with the Academy roster, but I can call his suite if you'd like."

I contemplated the idea. I understood the safety concern of not handing out room numbers to just anyone who asked, but I doubted that Adrian would offer the information freely if I called. He could easily lie about his room number and whether or not he had seen Rose. It wouldn't do any good.

"No, I think I'll be alright. Are you able to tell me if any of the pools have been rented out tonight?"

"That I can tell you." The receptionist tapped on a computer for a few moments before answering me further. "It looks like the only pool rented out for an event tonight is the basement pool and spa."

"Thank you." I was walking towards the elevators before she even finished her overly rehearsed polite goodbye. I knew exactly where to go from here, having the layout of the main areas memorized for the trip. The pool was on the bottom floor of the Lodge, carved out of natural stone. It was even spring fed. The whole area had the feeling of stumbling into a secret grotto.

I reached the entrance only to see it flanked by a guardian on either side. I didn't recognize them, so it was easy to deduce that they were private guardians, perhaps hired for this specific event.

"Good evening," I offered my hand to them in greeting. "I'm Guardian Belikov. I'm here with St. Valdimir's Academy."

"Guardian Logan." The first replied.

"Hatcher," said the second.

"I'm looking for a group of students who I've been told might be attending this event. Do you mind if I take a look around."

The two guardians exchanged glances, obviously uneased by my simple request.

"I'm sorry, Guardian Belikov. We've been given specific instructions to no let anyone enter unless they are on the guest list. Guardians included." Guardian Hatcher, who seemed to be the younger of the two men, looked almost as distressed telling me his instructions as I was hearing them.

"You've got to be kidding me. Those are Academy students. They are my responsibility."

"I understand," replied Logan. "If it helps any, I have the guest list right here. I can see if they were on it and if they had checked in."

"Fine." It was better than nothing. At least I'd know where Rose was, even if I wasn't able to get to her. "I'm looking for Rosemarie Hathaway, Mason Ashford, Vasilisa Dragomir, and Christian Ozera."

Guardian Logan scanned the list of attendees that seemed to be several pages long. "I have the last three and a Rose Hathaway..."

"That's her."

"It looks like all four of them, plus a girl names Mia Rinaldi and a novice Eddie Castile, are the guests of Lord Adrian Ivashkov. They're all checked in. I could send Hatcher in to find one of them if it is an emergency."

I was tempted to do it. So tempted. I had no clue what was going on behind those closed doors but my imagination was doing its best to conjure up some ideas. Still, I really didn't have a good enough excuse to pull her out of a party where she was surrounded by friends, even if Adrian was among them.

"No. As long as you can assure me that they are in there and there is adequate security for Princess Dragomir and the other students, then I'll let it be."

* * *

Three hours later, I was still pacing near their room. It was well pass what would be considered curfew for Academy students, but those rules weren't being strictly enforced at the moment. They just weren't a priority at this time. However, it was quickly rising on my personal list of importance. When the errant thought of Rose simply not returning to  _her_  room for the night, I started another patrol around the hallways where student were housed to calm my nerves.

It didn't matter, there still wasn't a sign of her or any of the others that she had apparently been with all night. I went past her room one last time, just on the off chance, before heading back to my room.

I was being ridiculous. If I couldn't let her be for one night without going crazy, how was I going to deal with her graduating? I wasn't just being protective, I was being over protective.

I rounded the corner to see a small form huddled on the ground with a what appeared to be a blanket wrapped around it. A few steps closer and I realized that it wasn't a blanket, it was a towel. A mess of slightly damp and tangled hair stuck out of the top.

"Rose?"

The head popped up in response, revealing her face. "Dimitri!"

I knew immediately that something was off, her voice was a little too loud and overly enthusiastic.

"What are you doing? Why are you sitting out here? Where's Lissa?"

"Lissa is with Christian, but," she put her finger to her lips, "shhhhh. I'm not supposed to tell anyone. It's a secret." She tried to stand up from the floor, but slipped, barely catching herself and breaking out it giggles.

"Have you been drinking? Are you drunk?"

"Maybe a little."

More than a little from what I could see. She was so far gone that I doubted she would remember anything tomorrow. It wasn't even worth lecturing her at this point. "Lets get you to bed. Up you go."

I grabbed her hand to help her up and it became pretty clear that she would need more support to keep up on her feet. My other hand went to her waist as she fell into my arms and my offer of assistance became an unintentional embrace.

She felt like home, warm and comforting. I could feel that same tingling sensation that was so familiar whenever we touched. By the look on her face, I wasn't the only one. She was looking up at me with wide eyes, and it was only the slight glassiness in them that kept me from kissing her at that moment. I closed my eyes to break eye contact. "Where's your key?"

"I can't find a key anywhere on my key ring."

"It's a key  _card,_  Roza."

"Oh." She stood straighter, but shifting more of her weight to my arm as she reached into the pocket of her jeans and pulled out a thin wallet out. She flipped through a couple of plastic cards, mostly gift cards, until I saw the dark blue card with the golden logo of the lodge. She passed it through her fingers, obviously not recognizing it as her key to her room. I pulled it from her collection, and slid it through the card reader. The little green light flicked on followed by the tell-tale click of the lock releasing.

"Come on, can you walk?"

Rose took a precarious step or two, staying within arms reach of me before gently nodding her head. Even that simple movement caused her to grasp the door jam to keep from falling over again. She would never make it to bed without hurting herself at this rate.

I took a peek down the empty hallway, knowing that stepping past the threshold would cause more than just raised eyebrows if anyone saw it. Still, Rose needed help, and I couldn't leave her to fend for herself in this condition.

I could see her waver on her feet and I closed the distance between us in three strides, letting the door shut behind us.

"Rose. What were you thinking? You can hardly walk."

"I was thinking..." It was as if she was suddenly realized who she was talking to. She spun so fast that it was a miracle that she didn't fall. Fire lit her eyes. "I was thinking that I was tired of working my ass off to make you proud only to be treated like a child."

 _Make_ me  _proud?_

"I was thinking that if everyone is going to treat me like a screw up, then what's the point? Why keep trying? The academy wanted to kick me out. My mom doesn't care. Now you..." She sat heavily on the bed, her face falling into her palms.

_I was leaving her..._

"Rose..."

"No. Don't. I don't want your pity. I just wanted to forget everything for a few moments. I promise that I'll be back to training tomorrow. I promise. You might have given up on me, but I haven't."

Even though she was speaking to me, I think she might have forgotten that I was in the room when she started tugging at the bottom of her shirt. I spotted a large shirt that was hanging over a chair and tossed it beside her before turning away to give her some privacy.

I could hear her clothing rustling in the silence. The sound of fabric hitting the floor. The bed creaking underneath her as she shifted. I tried to focus my attention on something until she could tell me it was okay to turn around, but the object that finally captured it was a mirror, or rather, Roza's reflection in the mirror.

The shirt she had been wearing was already removed, probably thrown on the ground next to her, and I could see her reaching behind to pull the tie of her swimsuit top. I knew I should look away, but I was completely entranced by the girl that haunted my dreams. She had a hold on me that even I couldn't begin to understand.

My breath stopped as the bikini top fell away, revealing a perfect profile of her figure and all the gentle feminine curves that she had to offer. Even in the dimmed lighting, I could make out the dark peaks of her breasts when she stretched her arms over her head, relaxing her muscles after a long day. The rational, controlled guardian in me begged me to avert my eyes and stop staring, but the primal beast wanted nothing more than to turn around and show my appreciation for her beauty.

Her unintentional voyeurism came to a close as she slipped the large tee shirt over her head, adjusting it to cover her completely. I looked straight ahead, as if it would some how excuse me from looking at her only moments earlier.

"I'm dressed," she whispered a few moments later.

Instead of turning immediately, I walked into the bathroom and filled the empty glass by the sink. A fruit basket sat on the side table just outside the restroom and I snagged a packet of crackers that it included.

"Drink this, all of it," I told her, kicking away her forgotten swimsuit and clothing that laid at her feet. "You should also try to eat some crackers to get something in your stomach. Did you eat anything tonight?"

She pulled the nearly empty cup from her lips before shaking her head.

"You'll probably have a hangover tomorrow. Drinking on an empty stomach isn't the wisest idea."

"'Wise' wasn't what I was going for tonight. I was feeling more along the lines of 'rebellious'."

She traded me the empty cup for the packet of crackers and I went to refill her drink. She was finishing the last one when I returned.

"If you can, try to drink a little more. It may not be pleasant now, but it will make you feel better in the morning."

Rose took a small sip before setting aside on the nightstand, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath before looking up at me again. Once again, I could see her eyes coming alight in fire, but this time it was a whole new kind of blaze. One that terrified me more than her fury earlier.

"You know," she crooned, "I know something else that will make me feel better. It'll make us both feel better. And I'm pretty sure it will be pleasant too." Her hand trailed down my chest, creating a flurry of sparks in her wake.

My hand automatically went to her waist, but I hesitated not quite knowing if I meant to pull her close or push her away. I wanted her so badly, and damn her, she knew it. But I didn't want her like this. She was drunk, upset, and vulnerable. I wasn't going to take advantage of her.

"Rose, you've been drinking," I reminded her while gently pushing her away from me and back on to the bed, "you aren't thinking clearly."

"What is wrong with you both tonight?" Her voice caught as tears started lining her eyes. My rejection obviously offended her. In her sudden mood shift, it took me an extra second to process exactly what she had said.

"Both?"

"Yeah," she replied as casually as if we were talking about the weather, "Mason said 'no' to me earlier. 'Said we would talk tomorrow when I'm sober." Rose rubbed at her eyes. The call of sleep was apparently getting the better of her.

"Mason's a good guy. You shouldn't be with anyone in your current state." It felt like a knife twisting in my stomach to hear that Rose had offered that part of herself to Mason, but I was grateful that he was honorable enough to say no...at least for now. Judging from my own current experience, it wasn't as easy as one would think. "Let's get you tucked in."

I helped support her as she pulled down the sheets, giving her arm a slight boost to help her onto the mattress. She looked like as innocent as a child as she tucked her head into her pillow and pulled the covers over herself. I brushed the stray hair from her eyes and gave a soft kiss on her temple, earning a soft hum of approval.

As I pulled away, her hand shot out to grasp mine, proving that her reflexes weren't as impaired as I might have initially thought.

"Don't go..."

"Rose, you know I can't stay here."

"No. I know. I mean don't leave." Her eyes were open, but she couldn't seem to look at me directly. "Dimitri, please don't leave me."

"Oh, my Roza," I sat on the edge of her bed, realizing exactly what she was asking me. I didn't know what to tell her anymore than I knew what to tell Tasha. All that I could be certain of was that my indecision was hurting both of these strong, beautiful women. They didn't deserve this. I couldn't guarantee forever with Roza, but I could give her tonight, even if she wouldn't remember it in the morning. "How about this, I'll stay until you fall asleep."

Rose finally met my gaze, as if checking to see if what I understood what she had asked. I could practically see and feel her heart breaking when she realized that I did, but was choosing to ignore it. Her heartbreak was mirrored by the tightening in my own chest.

She nodded.

We were silent after that, just enjoying the fact that we had a few moments alone together. There was nothing sexual in our positions; Rose laying under the covers and me sitting beside her as my thumb ran over our clasped hands. Still, I felt that love for her amplifying by the moment.

Ten minutes later, I could hear the steady breathing and soft snore that told me her exhaustion had overcome her.

My own thought began racing, wondering how I could ever abandon this girl who had grown to mean so much to me in such a short amount of time. I replayed our conversations over the day, from our argument after the meeting to the uninhibited words she spoke this evening.

" _Every second this conversation goes on, you only prove how young you really are."_

_I never should have said that..._

" _I was thinking that I was tired of working my ass off to make you proud only to be treated like a child."_

_I push her so hard in training, and she meet or exceeds every expectation, yet I hardly tell her as much..._

" _What happens between her and me is none of your business."_

_There's nothing between Tasha and I, at least nothing compared to what we share..._

" _You might have given up on me, but I haven't."_

"Roza," I whispered, knowing she was fast asleep and wouldn't wake up for some time. "It isn't a matter of giving up on you, but giving into you. I wish...I wish I could make you understand that I'm trying to do the best thing for you, for us both, even if it kills me and hurts you in the process. One day you'll see that and maybe you'll forgive me. I'll never forgive myself for causing you pain, but maybe you can forgive me."

With that, I leaned over to press a kiss to her cheek before changing my mind and pressing it to her lips instead. I would probably never get another chance to kiss her, and I couldn't let the opportunity pass.

I picked up her discarded clothing from the floor and folded it before placing it on the foot of the bed. Rose didn't finish her second glass of water, but she did drink some so I refilled it before placing next to her on the table. I knew she would need it in the morning. Finally, I placed the aspirin tablets from the small first aid kit in my pocket next to her glass. I debated leaving a note, but decided against it, figuring that I shouldn't leave any other trace of my presence tonight.

As I walked out the door, I took one last look at her.

"I'm sorry. Please forgive me."


	14. Chapter 14

My dream seemed different. More like a memory, or a nightmare that you can't seem to wake up from. It was more vivid and clear. I assumed it was because I had just seen Rose a few hours ago, but even that excuse didn't seem to fully make sense. I spent so much time around her on the average day, but that had never affected my dreams before. Or, it had, but not quite like this.

It was a familiar dream, one that I seemed to have on nearly a weekly basis, if not more. I felt myself going through the motions of that night: pacing, trying to read and relax, taking a shower. There was the sense of anticipation, as if I was waiting for something, and then it came.

Three sharp knocks, then her voice.

"Dimitri! Open up."

The rest of the dream played out like it always did. I resisted at first, until her touch broke through my walls and I gave in. I could feel her lips on mine, my fingertips tracing the smooth lines of her body, the warmth of her skin under my palm.

The main difference between that night and my dreamy memory of it was that I was fully aware of my action and did nothing to stop them. If anything, I reveled in the freedom of being with Rose when it was only a fantasy. I had rationalized it to myself once by thinking, 'who could it hurt?' but the truth was that these dreams were slowly driving me insane. It was a bittersweet insanity though, and one that I kept giving into even though I told myself not to.

I had just laid her beneath me on the bed, ready to claim her as my own in a way that a part of me still wished I had that night, when she was suddenly gone and I was alone. I sat up, confused, looking for Rose even though there wasn't a single trace that she had ever been there at all.

"She's gone."

I knew that voice. How did I know that voice? I looked around my familiar room, wondering where it could have come from when I saw him leaning casually against the door jam between the main room and the bathroom. I was surprised to see him, but I didn't immediately react to his presence beyond tensing slightly. Stranger things have happened in dreams.

"What do you mean 'she's gone'?"

"Just what I said. She's gone. I took her away." He seemed completely unfazed by the entire situation.

"You took her away?"

"You think its beyond me to take Rosemarie away from you?" He pushed off the doorway, staring me down like I was nothing more than a pest walking across his path. "I wouldn't underestimate me or my influence Belikov. I may not like to get my hands bloody, but I have no qualms about playing dirty."

"If you took her, where is she?" Even in this imagined reality, I was suddenly fearful of what he had done with my Roza.

"Oh, don't you worry about that. Just rest assured that she is in good hands. I'll take care of her."

"I wont let you lay a single finger on her," I could hear the control in my voice being tested as I tried to keep my voice steady.

"You have the gall to threaten me after that little show?" He gestured towards me and the mess of tangles sheets on the bed, an amused smirk marring his face. "Not that I minded our leading lady's performance. She is quite the spitfire, isn't she?"

"Stop," I couldn't stomach the idea of him seeing such a moment between Rose and I. The fact that he saw Rose so vulnerable made me sick. "Leave Rose out of this. What do you want from me?"

"From you? Nothing. I just wanted to show you that I had the power to take her away. Remember that Belikov, I have the power here. Who are you compared to me? I can offer Rose everything, and I plan on doing just that."

He was taunting me, and what was worse was that he was completely correct in his assumption. He held the power. Anything I could do to him would only hurt me in the long run. I was nothing compared to him in the grand scheme of things. He could offer Roza anything and everything she could want, from a notable career to a family of her own. He could even give her freedom from the guardian life if that was what she wanted.

I lunged for him, stumbling as the bed sheets got caught up around my legs.

"Sweet Dreams." He smiled, waving as he slowly faded from the room. By the time I reached where he had been standing, he was gone.

I was alone again, without even the presence of Rose's memory to comfort me.

* * *

The next morning, my shift included another meeting to discuss the updates about the Drozdov case in Guardian Hathaway's guest room-turned-office. I was starting to see why Rose claimed her mother was more machine than human. I was honestly starting to worry that the woman didn't sleep. She had adamantly insisted taking point in gathering, analyzing, and communicating information about the attack to the guardians present at the lodge. She was doing this in addition to working the occasional shift and meeting the needs of her charge. I was known for my strong work ethic, but she was putting me to shame.

The most infuriating thing about these meetings was that anything we discussed wasn't worth much until it was approved by Guardian Council and the governing Moroi. Thankfully, the respect Janine Hathaway commanded offered us a little more hope of some action taking place sooner rather than later, but it could still be weeks before we are able to conduct a raid.

 _If they even allow a raid,_  I thought harshly,  _A raid hasn't been officially sanctioned for almost fifty years. Rescue missions, sure, but never preventative action. Defense only. We didn't have enough guardians to spare for offensive tactics._

Still, the recent news of a new sighting and possible hideout for a large group of Strigoi was promising. It was enough that it might even convince the Moroi that it was worth looking into. We couldn't afford too many more people to attacks like those in the past few weeks.

I was leaving the meeting when I heard her familiar voice. At first, I thought it was directed at me.

"What are you doing here?"

My head turned in the direction it came from down the hall.

"What are  _you_  doing here?" a second, softer female voice replied.

"Ladies, Ladies," the third voice, male and easily identifiable as one of the last people I would want to hear right now, spoke teasingly. "No need to fight over me."

"We're not," Rose snapped. I could now see her standing in front of an open doorway with a package by her feet. Adrian stood just inside the room. Though I could hear her, I didn't see Lissa. "I just want to know what's going on here."

"Me too."

Rose jumped at the sound of my voice and turned around, clearly not expecting me. I was happy to see that I had spooked Adrian a little as well. He backed into the room a bit more, but not enough to be completely out of view. His movement did, however, reveal Lissa, who was standing inside the room with a bottle of water in her hand. It was clear she had been there for some time.

I stepped past Rose and into the what I was assuming was Ivashkov's suite, forcing her to step back into the hall a little and creating more distance between her and Adrian. I glanced at Lissa, and she hung her head shamefully, already knowing that she had been caught breaking the rules.

"Male and female students aren't supposed to be in each other's rooms." I kept my voice level and commanding. I didn't want to jump to any conclusions quite yet.

Lissa's cheeks tinted pink, and I wondered if she was blushing because she had been with Christian last night. Or, I assumed she had been with Christian. That's what Rose had told me last night. At least I know Rose made it back to her room.

Rose bit her lip in frustration, glaring at Adrian. "How do you keep doing this?"

"Doing what?" He replied, laughing a bit at her anger, which probably wasn't the wisest idea on his part.

"You keep making us look bad!"

This time his laugh wasn't controlled at all. "You are the ones came here."

"You shouldn't have let them in," I countered. "I'm sure you know the rules at St. Vladimir's."

Adrian shrugged me off. "Yeah, but I don't have to follow any school's stupid rules."

"Perhaps not," I said, trying to control my growing temper, "but I would have thought you'd still respect those rules."

Adrian rolled his eyes and leaned against the open door. "I'm kind of surprised to find  _you_  lecturing about underage girls."

My jaw instantly tensed and it took every ounce of will power to keep from throwing him against the wall again. Still, my reaction was enough to inspire a knowing smirk from him. I tried to stay calm, clenching and unclenching my fist as I counted to ten. Though my stare was locked on Adrian, I could see Rose advert her gaze at the comment. Thankfully, Lissa didn't seem to understand the implication.

"Besides," Adrian finally continued, relishing the rise he had managed with get out of me, "nothing sordid was going on. We were just hanging out."

"If you want to 'hang out' with young girls, do it at one of the public areas."

I heard Rose scoff next to me, but before I could do anything about it, Adrian let out a laugh that sounded almost...crazed.

"Young girls?  _Young girls?_  Sure. Young and old at the same time. They've barely seen anything in life, yet they've already seen too much. One's marked with life, and one's marked with death." He gestured to Lissa then Rose in turn before walking straight for me and stopping only inches from my face. "But  _their_  the ones you're worried about? Worry about yourself, dhampir. Worry about you, worry about me. We're the ones that are young."

I could smell alcohol on his breath, but certainly it wasn't enough to cause such an odd and sudden outburst. I wondered if he dappled in anything stronger, like a narcotic. With a few blinks, his dilated eyes returned to normal and he stepped back, running his hand through his hair. He walked towards the window, glancing back as if we hadn't just witnessed some sort of breakdown, and pulled out a cigarette. He lit it and took a long drag before speaking again.

"You ladies should probably go. He's right. I'm a bad influence."

The girls exchanged looks before rushing out of the room. I followed behind, shutting the door with one last glance towards Adrian who had yet to look back towards us. As much as I despised him for how he was pursuing Rose, I briefly wondered if I should call someone about his condition and what I had just witnessed.

We were just outside the main lobby when Rose pointed out the elephant in the other room. "That was...strange."

"Very," I confirmed. "Rose. Can I talk to you?"

Lissa looked back at her companion, smiling and offering a quick wave before taking off in the direction of their shared room. I pulled her aside, out of the hallway and into a small alcove.

"That's Adrian Ivashkov."

"Yeah, I know." Rose shifted her weight to her hip and crossed her arms over her chest. She was bracing for another fight with me. I was silently cursing her stubbornness as I pressed on.

"This is the second time I've seen you with him." It was actually the third, but as far as I knew, she wasn't aware of me catching her the first time and I wasn't willing to admit it right at this moment. I also didn't want to bring up the fact that I knew she had spent time with him at the party last night. I would not have been surprised if he was the one who had supplied her the alcohol.

"Yeah," she shrugged, as if the whole situation was nothing of concern. "We hang out sometimes."

I gestured back towards the hallway we had just come from. "You hang out in his room a lot?"

For a second, she looked at me in disbelief, obviously annoyed at my questioning. A small yet bitter grin crossed her cheeks. "What happens between him and me is none of your business."

She was mocking me, using the same words I had thrown at her the day before. I wasn't having it though. I pulled my trump card. It was low, but I knew it would force her to comply: I pulled rank.

"Actually, as long as you are at the Academy, what you do  _is_  my business."

"Not my personal life," she countered obstinately. "You don't have any say in that."

"You're not an adult yet." Even though the age gap between them wasn't as wide as it was between me and her, she was still a minor for another three months.

"I'm close enough. Besides, it's not like I'll magically become and adult on my eighteenth birthday."

"Clearly."

I'd once again used her age against her and I instantly regretted it. Rose had her moments but she was far from acting childish, at least most of the time. The look on her face made it clear that she hadn't expected me to outright insult her, even after doing so the day before. My impulse control was getting as bad as hers.

"That's not what I meant. I meant-"

"I know what you meant. And the technicalities don't matter right now. You're an Academy student. I'm your instructor. It's my job to help you and keep you safe. Being in the bedroom of someone like  _him_...well, that's not safe." Even it it wasn't an apology for my words, she had to see that I was only stepping in because I cared about her. She  _had_  to understand that I only had her wellbeing in mind.

"I can handle Adrian Ivashkov. He's weird – really weird, apparently – but he's harmless."

Why couldn't she see that I was just worried about her. All I wanted to do was to make sure she was alright. God, she was so frustrating to get through to when she was being stubborn like this.

"Speaking of personal lives...I suppose you were off visiting Tasha, huh?"

 _Really?_  "Actually, I was visiting your mother."

"You going to hook up with her too?"

She had to be kidding me. I knew that Rose was just being purposefully difficult now and I wasn't going to lower myself to that level.

"No, we were looking over some new data about the Strigoi in the Drozdov attack."

And with one sentence, Rose snapped to attention as if she was clocking into the job.

"What'd you find out?"

"We've managed to track the Strigoi, or at least some of the humans with them. There were witnesses who lived nearby who spotted a few of the cars the group used. The plates were from all different states, the group appears to have split up, probably to make it harder for us. But one of the witnesses did catch one plate number. It's registered to an address in Spokane."

"Spokane? Spokane,  _Washington?_  Who makes Spokane their hideout?"

"Strigoi, apparently." She acted like it was in the middle of nowhere rather than one of the larger metropolitan areas in the Northwest. Considering we lived in an Academy in the middle of Nowhere, Montana, I'm not sure what she was complaining about. "The address was fake, but other evidence shows they are really there. There's a kind of shopping plaza that has some underground tunnels. There have been sightings around that area."

"Then..."

I knew she was expecting a plan of action, but there wasn't one. I stayed silent since there was nothing to say.

"Are you going to go after them? Is somebody going to? I mean, this is what Tasha's been saying all along...If we know where they are..."

I shook my head, cutting off her thoughts. "The guardians can't do anything without permission from higher up. That's not going to happen anytime soon." I tried to keep the bitterness from my voice but I think some still slipped through.

She let out a sigh. "Because the Moroi talk to much."

"They're being cautious," I defended, even though I agreed with her to a point.

"Come  _on,_ " she pressed. "Even you can't want to be careful on this one. You actually know where Strigoi are hiding out. Strigoi who massacred children. Don't you want to go after them when they don't expect it?"

"It's not that easy." As tempting as it was, it wasn't reality. Doing that had a better chance of getting you killed than anything else. "We answer to the Guardian Council and the Moroi government. We can't just run off and act on impulse. And anyway, we don't know everything yet. You should never walk into a situation without knowing all the details."

"Zen life lessons again," she mumbled, running her fingers through her hair in exasperation. I couldn't tell if it was directed at me or the situation. "Why'd you tell me this, anyway? This is guardian stuff. Not the kind of thing you let novices in on."

She's right, this isn't the type of stuff that we would tell a novice, but I also didn't think of her as just a novice. In many respects, I already considered her my partner. I couldn't tell her that, especially since there was still the lingering question of whether or not we would ever work together after graduation or if I'd apply for a transfer, but I wanted to show her that I did respect her in that sense.

"I've said a few things...the other day and today...that I shouldn't have. Things that insulted your age. You're seventeen...but you're capable of handling and processing the same things those much older than you do."

She got that look that that was familiar anytime I offered her praise. "Really?"

I remembered her words from last night, about how hard she works just to make me proud. I smiled. "You're still really young in a lot of ways, and you act young,"  _as you should on occasion_ , I silently added, "but the only way to really change that is to treat you like and adult. I need to do that more. I know you'll take this information and understand how important it is and keep it to yourself."

Before she could say anything else, I heard my name being called out from behind me.

"Dimka!" Tasha walked up, noticing Rose as she got closer. "Hello, Rose."

"Hey." The smile that was there only moments ago was long gone and her tone seemed off.

I felt Tasha tug gently at my coat sleeve. "You've got that look." Her voice was light and playful.

"What look?"

"That look that says you're going to be on duty all day."

"Really? I have a look like that?" I could hear her teasing and responded in kind.

She nodded with a hum. "When does your shift technically end?"

I bit my tougue and looked away, knowing I had been caught. "An hour ago."

"You can't keep doing this. You need a break."

"Well...if you consider that I'm always Lissa's guardian..." I knew the argument would hold as much merit to her as a similar one I had made to Ivan on numerous occasions.

"For now," she said coyly before quickly changing the subject. "There's a big pool tournament going on upstairs."

"I can't. Even though I haven't played in a long time..." It was tempting. Ivan and I used to make a killing every weekend back at school. I'm pretty sure we could have funded out first year after graduation with our winnings.

"Come on then. Just one round! We could take them all."

"I really can't," I said remorsefully. "Not with everything going on." Between the new updates on the Drozdov attack and getting security ready for the banquet tonight, it didn't feel right to relax by playing pool.

"No, I supposed not." Tasha seemed to understand, even if she didn't agree. She looked over at Rose who was leaning against the wall with nothing but a scowl for either of us. "I hope you realize what a hard-core role model you have here. He's never off duty."

"Well," she said, giving a fake smile that looked more like a grimace, " _for now,_  at least."

I shot Rose a disapproving look. I didn't exactly want her witnessing Tasha's flirtation – I wasn't that cruel – but she also didn't have to act out because of it.

"We're finished here, Rose." I dismissed her harsher than necessary. "Remember what I said."

"Yeah...definitely." She pushed away from the wall and stalked off, only making a few more steps before she was stopped again.

"Is Rose okay?" I could hear Tasha, but my attention was focused on Rose and Mason just a few yards away. I couldn't hear what they were saying but the look she gave him left my imagination wondering.

"Dimitri?"

"Excuse me...what did you say?"

"Rose. Is she okay? She seemed upset."

I watched as Rose lead Mason by hand down the hallway, one that I knew for a fact had nothing but guest rooms. I knew that they were going to pick up where they had left last night. It was totally within my ability to break it up since he wasn't allowed in her room...but I didn't have the heart to. She was hurting and it was largely my fault. Who what I to dictate how she dealt with it?

"She'll be fine," I finally answered, my voice hollow as the pair disappeared from my line of sight. "She's just been having a hard time recently."

I knew Tasha would assume that it had something to do with the Badica attack that we had stumbled upon, and I'm sure that didn't make the situation any easier, but the real culprit was the issues between us. Ever since that kiss in the gym, things have been difficult. I didn't blame her for trying to find comfort with someone who could actually offer it to her.

"Well, whatever is happening with her, I hope she lets it go soon. Things have a habit of working themselves out if you just allow them to. She's tough, like you. I'm sure she'll be okay."

"Maybe you're right," I agreed.

"So," She perked up again, "are you _sure_  you can't spare the time for just one game of pool?"

I needed something to distract me, something to keep me from beating down her door, and Tasha's offer sounded more appealing now than ever before. "Sure. One game."

One game ended up becoming five in total. Three were between just her and me, and we played teams for the other two, winning both times. I regretted not placing a wager on the games, especially since we were going up against some young Royals who had egos bigger than they could handle.

When I finally caught the time, I knew we needed to make our escape.

"The Voda banquet will be starting in a little while. I need to go get dressed and I'm sure you have some primping to do also."

Tasha rolled her eyes. "I'm gorgeous. I have no idea what you are talking about."

"I'm not disagreeing with you Tash, but I'm not sure they're going to let you in with jeans on. You know how those Royals get. They're all the same."

She stuck her tongue out at my jest, but agreed that we should probably get going. "I'll see you tonight Dimka. Save me a dance if you get a break."

"We'll see." I started picking up the cue sticks and racking the balls again, not noticing that she had come right beside me. Before I knew it, I felt her lips press against the corner of my mouth.

"Thanks. I had a good time."

It was only as she was walking away that I realized that Tasha probably took this as a date. Even though it wasn't a bad assumption to make, I still felt like I had deceived her somehow since I didn't go into this afternoon with the same intention.

There was nothing I could do about it now, though, so I simply went to my room to dress in my formal attire and clock into my next shift.


	15. Chapter 15

If there was any doubt about who was throwing the event tonight, it would be smothered the instant you walked through the door. The deep sapphire blue and silver that seemed to cover every wall and table was right off the Voda family crest. The same crest hung above a fireplace, the crackling flames adding a warm glow to the hall. The picture windows that typically looked out towards the ski trails were covered with thick, heavy drapes to block out the rising sun of the new human day.

It was still a bit early and guests hadn't started arriving yet, but the guardians who would were working tonight had a final meeting to double check security. Honestly, it wasn't much different than most large banquets that I had worked at in the past. Guardians were posted every ten feet or so around the walls, standing stoically and silent all night. A couple of private guardians were shadowing high ranking royals. The biggest difference was that we were doubling the guards near the wards outside, since that would be the first sign of any premeditated attack. Granted, if there were enough Strigoi organized to over run the Lodge and the guardians inside, then we had much bigger issues at hand.

By the time our briefing was over, the cellist had set up her instrument in the corner and was beginning to play while the wait staff lit the last few candles and placed a few finishing touches on the tables. There was only handful of moments before we would be expected to be in position, so I took the opportunity to grab a glass of water and a small bite from the cart in the kitchen that the staff had set aside for us. It promised to be a long couple of hours ahead, and they would be easier to handle without an empty stomach.

I found my post just as the first guests were starting to drip into the hall in pairs. The room filled up pretty quickly, becoming a dull roar of conversation, when the sound of their gossip took a sudden turn. The indistinguishable chatter gave way to a few small gasps and hushed whispers. Typically, I'd be able to tune out the conversations around me, but such a drastic and abrupt change usually was worth paying attention to. I followed the direction that one guest was pointing, surprised to see Princess Vasilisa.

She looked every bit as regal as her title entailed. She seemed to be a perfect example of poise and I once again had to acknowledge a small amount of pride and gratitude that she was able to overcome the significant struggles in her life and represent herself and her family in such a sophisticated manner.

However, it was the person accompanying Lissa that truly stood out to me. Rather than Christian, who I would have expected, Roza walked in behind her. If the Princess was regal, Rose was simply majestic. She was wearing the dress that Tasha had given her for Christmas, the one I had inadvertently help choose, and the red seemed to complement her just as much as the black dress had months ago. While it seemed much more modest with a high neckline and long skirt, it highlighted every single curve of her body. My breath stopped in my chest as I took in the sight of her. She was stunning, and it was stark reminder that she deserved so much more than simply standing on the sidelines and hiding in the shadows.

However, she was standing out in more ways than one. It was fairly obvious that she was the only dhampir in attendance, at least the only one enjoying the evening as a guest rather than as an employee. This seemed to upset more than a few people. She was upsetting the status quo, and while nobody outright chastised her, several turned away from her as she passed, as if her mere presence was offensive to them. She pointedly ignored them as the call for dinner to be served rung out, taking her place beside the princess as if she was royalty herself.

I did my best to stay impartial as I scanned over the crowd. You'd think I would have had enough practice by now. I had stood watch over plenty of classes that Rose had attended. I'd even watched over some more formal dinners and events without getting distracted by her. Despite all that, I kept glancing her way all evening. If she felt my gaze at all, she didn't show it. I was okay with that. I wanted her to focus on enjoying herself. I knew that Roza's opportunities to attend something as prestigious as this, at least as a guest, were severely limited. She should relish it while she could.

I had bite back a small grin when I saw her reaction to the portion sizes at each course. She seemed to like what was being served, but I also noticed that she would clear her plate faster than almost anyone else and tended to look a bit disappointed after the last bite.

Eventually the last plate removed and I was almost certain that Rose would be the first person out the door. Despite her typically social nature, it was easy to see that she was less than comfortable in her surroundings and I didn't blame her one bit. Those seated around her were less than welcoming.

Vasilisa, on the other hand, seemed perfectly at ease. For someone so young, she seemed to be holding up her family name and reputation remarkably. She interacted with the other royals without missing a beat and looked completely confident.

Rose stayed by her side, acting as a shadow almost, though she definitely garnered a fair amount of notice. Unfortunately, most of it was from men. Many – even those with dates on their arm – stole a glance her way, and each time I caught one of their blatant stares, I felt my own jealousy creep a bit higher.

Part of me felt justified in my self righteous anger. They had no right to treat her like she was nothing but a pretty object. She was so much more than what they could see from a simple glance her way. She was strong, dedicated, opinionated, kind, and compassionate. Yes, she was incredibly beautiful, but that was only one aspect of who she was. Even if she wasn't so much more, she was still a minor and shouldn't be thought of the way I was sure many of these adult men were imagining her. But...was I any better than them?

Truthfully, no. I was perhaps worse because I  _did_  know Rose and I couldn't keep my mind from wandering. Many of the men here could easily mistake her for a legal adult, she certainly looked the part, but I knew better and still looked her way more than I should. The primal part of me wanted to proclaim that our mutual feelings, as inappropriate as they were, gave me some sort of right. After all, I wasn't simply hoping for a chance to undress her that evening, I wanted be with her for a lifetime if she would allow it. Maybe she would've allowed it too, but we weren't the only parties with a hand in that choice and the decision had been made for us.

There was one particular set of eyes watching Rose that made me more uncomfortable than all the others combined. Adrian had openly gazed at her through dinner, and had even taunted me once or twice with a knowing smirk. Thankfully, Roza seemed completely oblivious to his actions this evening, focusing on Lissa more than anyone else. I don't think she had even taken notice of me, though, she could also simply be ignoring me again after what happened this afternoon. It seemed like every conversation we've had recently has ended in a disastrous argument. It was as much my fault as it was hers. Both of us had tempers, and she managed to bring out both the best and worse in me.

Lost in my own head and my recent actions, I didn't notice Adrian approaching until he was practically right next to me. His sudden appearance, so reminiscent of the dream I had the night before, instantly put me on edge. I tried to focus my attention straight ahead and hope that he simply walked passed me, but I knew it was a fruitless wish.

"Belikov."

"Lord Ivashkov." Our greetings were polite by necessity, but they didn't hold a hint of friendliness in them.

"Rose is looking particularly beautiful this evening, don't you agree?"

I held my tongue, staring at nothing in particular in hopes that my silence would bore him faster.

"However," he continued, "as beautiful as she is in red, I wonder if black might suit her better. What do you think?"

I could feel the hair on the back of my neck stand on edge. I reminded myself, as I had at least a dozen times today, that it had all just been a dream. It had only been my subconscious playing on my insecurities and fears. Somehow, I managed to hold my impassive facade.

"I've seen you staring at her this evening, Belikov. Honestly, stare at her all you wish, because that is all you're ever going to get from here on out. You'll simply stand on the sidelines and watch as Rose gets everything she deserves in this life, courtesy of me. I'm thinking it's about time I get my own guardian, don't you? I hear Rose is one of the best, though I guess I have you to thank for that."

"She's spoken for."

"By Vasilisa...or by you?" he quipped, pausing as if I'd answer him before continuing on. "Vasilisa will still have you as her guardian, unless you are still considering the reassignment with Lady Ozera."

I cursed the fact that he had overheard the argument between Roza and I, giving him even more ammo to fire at me. Silence was still my best defense.

"Don't get me wrong, your proposed arrangement is...shall we say...inspirational. I can see the appeal. However, I think we both know that Natasha would be nothing more than a consolation prize."

My instinct to defend my relationship with Tasha kicked in, but I suppressed it knowing that he wasn't too far off the mark.

"There will only be one victor in this battle, Belikov, and to the victor will go the crown, the glory, and the girl. Oh, and lets not forget those lovely riches..."

He finally walked away, and I could feel myself relax with every step he put between us. I didn't expect for him to unnerve me as much as he had, but the dream last night had felt much too real to simply be forgotten. I reassured myself once again that it was all just a figment of my imagination and I had nothing to worry about. Even if he wanted Rose as his guardian, even if he applied and petitioned for her, Rose and Vasilisa would never allow themselves to be separated. I would fight on their behalf as well. It would take nothing but the command of the Queen herself to get between those two. And with his connections, perhaps that would have happened, but I doubt even Queen Tatiana would break up a pair tied together by their bond.

I did everything I could to occupy my mind and keep from watching Rose too openly as she moved about the room next to Lissa's side. I overheard conversations about the Badica and Drozov attacks. I listened to one particularly infuriating argument about graduating novices early. Neither party was opposed to the idea. No, they were arguing about how early they felt students would be ready. I could see the guardian on my left, only about ten feet away, wince as he struggled to suppress his opinions on the matter. Other dinner guests stuck to lighter topic that didn't seem to matter anymore than the current weather outside.

Natasha stood about 100 feet away, entertaining a group of mostly young royals who seemed to be questioning her, no doubt about her opinions on Moroi using magic defensively and even offensively. Several older royals watched suspiciously as they discussed, but didn't start any trouble. She caught my eye at one point, offering me a smile and I gave her one in return. As much as I disagreed with her methods, I was glad that she making some headway in her goal to legalize magic use.

My eyes searched the crowd again, finding Lissa in the middle of a growing group of guests. They seemed to be divided down the middle and I could only guess what the topic begin debated was. Lissa, however, stood right in the middle and seemed to be negotiating between the two. Part of me tensed to see if someone would need to step in, but I could see that Rose was right there by her side with the same idea. After a few minutes, a look of pride overtook Rose and she slowly backed away from the group to give Lissa some more space to work the crowd.

As soon as she stepped to the side, someone else swooped in, and my worries about Lissa were driven away in an instant. She was reaching for a tray of hors d'oeuvres when Adrian came up behind her, making her jump as he whispered in her ear. Her reaction seemed to please him.

Instead of putting distances between them as I had hoped, they continued to talk, eyeing each other up and down. Adrian was cocky and flirtatious, Rose seemed cautious. She held him slightly at bay but he was nothing if not persistent. Eventually though, they seemed to reach some sort of agreement, both focusing on Lissa and her negotiation with the group of Moroi.

It turns out, I wasn't the only one who noticed the pair. Typically, I'd welcome someone breaking up any moment between Adrian and Rose, but I'd make an exception here.

"Rose!" Guardian Hathaway descended on her daughter in a mess of red hair and fury. Even from half a room away, I could hear her clear as day, and by the reactions of several others around her, so could everyone else. "What do you think you are doing?"

Adrian wisely took a step back. He might have a good foot on the guardian, but even I wouldn't stand in her way when she had that look of determination. A few words passed between Rose and her mother before Janine took her by the arm and all but dragged her nearly-adult daughter out of the banquet as if she were nothing but a misbehaving toddler. They walked right pass me and I did something I had never done before...

I abandoned my post.

I followed the pair out to the hall, with the intention of mediating whatever argument was about to ensue in hopes that neither would end up with a black eye this time.

"...maybe it'll stop you from dressing up like a cheap whore."

I stopped in my tracks before rounding the corner and stepping into their view. I was appalled that any mother would insinuate something so ugly to her own daughter. My mother had stopped my older sisters several times and made them change before leaving the house, but she had never stooped to the level of calling them names. Her correction was always done with kindness, love, and respect. The more I saw Rose and her mother interact, the more I realized just why their relationship was so strained.

I could hear Guardian Hathaway's accusations continue. "Flirting with Moroi doesn't really help."

"I wasn't flirting with him," Rose insisted.

Looking back at what I had witnessed between Adrian and Rose, she was right. I had seen her flirt, both subtly and overtly. If anything, Rose had been polite but distant with the over zealous royal. I felt a small pang of remorse that I had been so worried about her before, especially now that I was examining her actions with a more rational eye. Rose had been showing respect, but not submission. I should have known better than to believe she would be swayed by something as superficial as casual compliments and gifts.

"Besides, isn't that what I'm supposed to do?" I could hear her tone change from defensive to reproachful. "Hook up with a Moroi and further my race? It's what  _you_  did."

"Not when I was your age."

While Rose's claim was horrendous enough, it was more upsetting that Guardian Hathaway did nothing to refute it, only stating that she wasn't old enough to do so. Though Rose claimed she hadn't been much older than Rose was now. I had known that Rose was unaware of who her father was, but I was now beginning to wonder if she had been taught that having a dhampir baby or two was part of her so-called service to the Moroi? I knew it was something that I had feared with the Moroi government scrambling to increase guardian numbers, but was there already guardian women who felt the need to something like that for no other reason than a sense of duty? The thought made me sick.

"Don't do something stupid Rose." For the first time I had witnessed, Janine's voice sounded almost...maternal. "You're too young for a baby. You don't have the life experience for it. You haven't even lived your own life yet. You won't be able to do the kind of job you wish you could." I realized that there was something else under her motherly tone, something that seemed to resemble regret.

Rose didn't hear it though. I heard her groan in frustration before snapping back, "Are we really even discussing this? How did we go from me allegedly flirting to suddenly having a litter? I'm not having sex with him or anyone else..."

Her admission stood out, especially since I had seen her just hours ago with Mason and I had been certain that they had been heading off for their own private moment.

"...and even if I were, I know about birth control. Why are you talking to me like a child?"

"Because you act like one."

"So, you're going to send me to my room now?"

"No, Rose." Guardian Hathaway sounded tired, and I sympathized, knowing just how exhausting an argument with Rose could be. "You don't have to go to your room, but don't go back in there, either. Hopefully, you didn't draw too much attention."

I raised an eyebrow, despite knowing that neither of them could see me. If anyone had made a scene, it had been Guardian Hathaway herself. I doubt many guests, if any, had been paying attention to Rose and Adrian conversing quietly. At least not until Janine had stepped in, that is.

"You make it sound like I was giving a lap dance in there! I just had dinner with Lissa."

"You'd be surprised at what things can spark rumors, especially with Adrian Ivashkov." Her words had a sense of finality to them, and just to confirm the thought, I saw Guardian Hathaway round the corner a moment later. She nodded to me in passing and I debated on whether or not I should say anything to her or seek out Rose. She had put a few steps between us before I called back to her.

"Guardian Hathaway!"

She turned to face me, and her face wasn't entirely impassive as I was used to seeing it. There seemed to be a hint of a scowl remaining. "Guardian Belikov. My apologies if you had to witness any of that. Rose has always been a strong-willed child, but her impulsiveness tends to do more harm than good."

"While I agree that she has the tendency to act without thinking, I think you might have been too harsh with her..."

"Excuse me?" For the first time, I was on the receiving end of Guardian Hathaway's anger, and I had to give Rose credit for standing so tall in the face of it. Though, I was also suddenly aware of where Rose might get her temper.

"Please, with all due respect, I'm used to working with Rose and I've had to correct her behavior on numerous occasions. I have been keeping an eye on her all night and yes, while her dress was more provocative than her typical wardrobe, it was hardly inappropriate, nor was it the most ostentatious in the room tonight. Her interaction with Lord Ivashkov was similarly appropriate. He has been relentless in pursuing her during this trip but she had continually kept him at an arms length while showing the proper respect due to a royal Moroi."

"I appreciate your concern Guardian Belikov, but Rosemarie is my daughter..."

"And she is my student and eventual guarding partner. Don't you think that I would be concerned with her well being and reputation as much as anyone else?" I cared about Rose more than I cared about myself. I couldn't exactly tell Guardian Hathaway this, but she had to understand that I would never allow her to be put into harm's way.

"Then you should be just as worried about rumors flying," she countered.

"I am, but Rose had been dealing with inaccurate rumors circulating about her as long as I have known her. Longer even. I have come to learn that nearly all of them are drastically exaggerated at best and complete lies at worse. Either way, Rose has learned to handle herself in the face of such false accusations and I doubt that any rumors spread about her will ever hold her back. Like you, her dedication and integrity shine above everything else."

"That may be, but I still want to do everything in my power to make sure she doesn't make the same mistakes I made in my youth. I may not have been the mother she needed as a child, but I'm here now."

"If I might be so bold, may I suggest that you simply be there to support her?" Truthfully, Janine and Rose were long past the mother-child relationship. "I think that's what she needs from her mother now. You once asked me how you could be a parent to Rose. I still can't answer that for you, but I can tell you that if you keep going down the path you are with her, you're only going to push her further away. She had plenty of teachers to instruct and discipline her. She needs someone who will stand in her corner and help her become the guardian she's capable of becoming, someone who, in time, could even rival your success and reputation."

For a long moment, we simply regarded each other in silence. Both of us wore our professional masks, and her facial expression was nearly impossible to read so I had to be content to wait and see what she took from my words. Finally, she gave a single sharp nod.

"Thank you. I'll consider what you've said. The unfortunate thing is that you probably know my daughter better than anyone else. I would be foolish not to trust your judgment on the matter." Without any other signal, she turned and left, returning to the banquet.

For a moment, I considered joining her, but I knew that there were more than enough guardians to handle the needs of the many Moroi in that room. Right now, there was one person who needed me more than anyone else, and I intended to find her.


	16. Chapter 16

I wasn't sure where she would go, but I was certain that wherever it would be, she would be looking for peace and quiet. I started walking towards the guest rooms on the other side of the lodge, figuring that it was as good a place as any to start, when I heard a large metallic bang. A cold draft followed soon after and I looked towards the short hallway where it came from. It was empty except for the exit door on the end.

When I opened the door, I could see a set of stairs leading up towards the roof and I knew I had found her. Rose missed the sun, she had told me as much once before, and it made sense that she would seek its warmth right now.

I opened the door to the roof slowly, feeling the coolness rush in and blinking at the sudden brightness. The sun had risen a few hours ago, but it still hung low on the horizon and the air still held the bitter chill from the night. My eyes adjusted quickly, and I saw Roza sitting alone on some duct work.

She was looking at me, and the image was perfection. The sun gave her a warm glow, despite the snow that surrounded her. Of course, she was missing a coat or any other form of cover, and her arms were wrapped around her to keep her from shivering.

She only held my gaze for a moment before turning away. She didn't look particularly happy to see me, but she didn't exactly look surprised either. If anything, she looked grateful. I tried not to read into it too much.

I closed the distance between us, noticing that silence was practically impossible with the snow crunching underneath my shoes. I could see her feet poking out from under the silk dress, probably ruined now between the spilled drink and the slowly melting snow she was sitting on. She was wearing strappy heels that left her feet exposed to the elements. She unconsciously tucked her toes under the hem of her skirt while rubbing at her arms and I knew that the cold was getting at her. I slipped my jacket off and wrapped it around her shoulders before sitting beside her.

"You must be freezing."

She tipped her head back and basked in the faint warmth the sunrise offered. Once again, I was stunned by just how beautiful she was. Her smile was faint, but it did more for me then the sun ever could. Her hair was left loose with no real adornment, but she seemed to be wearing the suns rays like a crown. She was an angel, complete with a halo.

"The sun's out."

Stubborn to a fault, my Roza. I mirrored her, basking in the sun myself for a moment before answering her. "It is. But we're still on a mountain in the middle of winter."

She didn't answer me, and we fell into a companionable silence. It had been a long time since I had felt so comfortable around her, and I couldn't pinpoint exactly why. Perhaps it was because I was putting my own issues aside for once, simply being there for her when she needed me. The entire mountain seemed still, and if I allowed myself to, I could forget that there was anyone else in the world beyond me and the woman beside me.

After a few minutes, she shifted, placing her elbows on her knees and letting her head fall into her hands.

"My life is a disaster," She proclaimed.

Without meeting a beat, I answered, "It's not a disaster." Even though I felt like my own life was falling apart around me, I knew that it could still be a whole lot worse.

"Did you follow me from the party?" Her tone suggested that she already knew the answer.

"Yes."

"I didn't even know you were there." I could see her look me up and down, taking in the uniform that made it abundantly clear that we were there under different circumstances. "So you saw the illustrious Janine cause a commotion by dragging me out."

"It wasn't a commotion. Hardly anyone noticed." It wasn't even close to the truth and I knew she knew it, but I also knew that she needed pretty lies more than harsh reality at this moment. "I only saw because I was watching you."

She immediately looked towards me, both of her eyebrows raising slightly in question but I ignored her reaction to my faux pas.

"That's not what she said," she insisted, "I might as well have been working a corner as far as she was concerned." Rose relayed the conversation that I had already overheard and I noticed that she brushed over her mother's harshest words. Even if she didn't particularly like her mother, I could see that she didn't want me to think less of the guardian so many admired.

"She's just worried about you," I told her. Janine had no clue how to show it, but she really did want what was best for her daughter.

"She overreacted."

She wasn't wrong. "Sometimes mothers are overprotective."

Rose let out a laugh that came out as a furstrated huff. "Yeah, but this is  _my_  mother. And she didn't seem that protective, really. I think she was more worried that I'd embarrass her or something. And all that becoming-a-mother-too-young stuff was stupid. I'm not going to do anything like that."

I couldn't say that I wasn't relieved to hear it, but I knew that Janine had been letting a deeper worry slip. "Maybe she wasn't talking about you."

Rose's brows furrowed as she concentrated on my words, looking for the meaning I had hinted at. When it finally struck her, her eyes grew wide and she straightened up. Her mouth fell open for only a moment before she promptly bit her lip and considered everything in silence.

I sat back, giving her the time to think. I couldn't imagine what Guardian Hathaway would have had to go through, choosing her career over her daughter. I once again wondered if Rose had been the product of a real relationship or simply was a choice made out of some false sense of duty. The latter seemed less and less likely as I though about how distraught I had seen Janine in her more private moments. It seemed like Rose wasn't planned; not a mistake exactly, but perhaps a harsh reminder of something she didn't intend to happen and didn't know how to handle.

I could even understand her choice to leave Rose with the Academy. Guardian Hathaway's charge didn't live in the relative security of a place like Court or the Academy. She protected a high ranking Szelsky lord, and while he didn't face the constant threat that someone like Vasilisa would garner, guarding him came with enough danger to not want a child present. I knew that if I ever had to choose between my child and my charge, there wouldn't be a moment hesitation. Even if the Moroi government didn't agree with my decision, I would fight and defend my child until my dying breath. I felt the same way about Roza, and that was precisely why we were in this predicament now.

I suddenly sympathized with the choice to leave Rose at the academy and cut herself out of Rose's life. Janine had done if for her Rose's benefit, just like I should. I just didn't know if I had the strength to do so.

"We aren't fighting right now." Rose's voice cut through the silence and I let out a breath that I didn't realize I had been holding. The air frosted around me, billowing like smoke.

"Do you want to fight?" I tried to add a playful lit to my words, but it fell flat.

"No. I hate fighting with you. Verbally, I mean. I don't mind in the gym."

I forced back the urge to smile. I could think of a whole lot of other things I would rather do than fight with Rose, both in and out of the gym. "I don't like fighting with you either."

Another short silence followed. I could see her mind working, and I couldn't help but wonder what she was thinking so intently about. When she finally spoke, I didn't like the answer.

"You should take it."

I knew exactly what she was talking about, but a part of me prayed that I was wrong. "What?"

"Tasha's offer," she confirmed, staring straight ahead and refusing to look at me. "You should take her up on it. It's a really great chance."

Her look was hard and determined, but I could see the underlining emotion in her eyes. It hurt her to say it just as much as it hurt me to hear it. I expected her to fight for me...

"I never expected to hear you say anything like that...especially after -"

"What a bitch I've been? Yeah." She pulled my coat tighter around her, hiding her face in the collar for a moment. I could see her eyes close gently as she took a deep breath, letting back out again with a sigh. "Well. Like I said, I don't want to fight anymore. I don't want us to hate each other. And...well..." I could see her steeling herself for her next words and I braced myself in return, "No matter how I feel about  _us_...I want you to be happy."

The cold air sucked the breath from my chest. Rose  _was_  fighting for me...she was setting her own desires aside and letting me go. She was putting my wants and needs before hers. She was doing something that I had been too selfish and cowardly to do. Every day, my Roza continued to surprise me with her strength and love.

I slipped my arm around her, pulling her towards me and resting her head against my heart. I whispered her name into her hair, planting a kiss between its strands as I committed the scent of her to my memory.

I had spent so much time pushing her away, emotionally and physically, and I needed just allow myself this moment to simply hold her close. I felt her hand clutch the material of my shirt in her hand, as if I'd disappear in a moments notice if she didn't hold on to me. I wasn't exactly proving her fears to be unfounded...

I never wanted to let her go. I knew in my soul that I would never feel this way about anyone else. I wasn't sure if I ever could. But staying here would do nothing but hurt her, hurt us both. As much as I loved her, I needed to let Rose go. Perhaps she would find someone else – as much as the thought pained me, I knew she deserved every happiness, even if I wasn't the one to provide it to her.

Eventually, she pulled away and I let her do so reluctantly. I was tired of being selfish and holding onto something that wasn't meant to be mine.

However, when she stood up, slipping off my jacket and handing it back to me, I felt a sense of desperation come over me.

"Where are you going?"

She looked at me as if she was studying me for the last time. I could see her trace every inch of my face before she gave a sad smile hidden behind a brave face.

"To break someone's heart."

Then she left...and I felt something deep within my chest crack in two.

* * *

I sat there for longer than I thought possible in the cold morning light. I didn't even put on my coat. I simply clutched it to my chest. If I concentrated, I could detect the faint scent of her mingling with my own. But even that was fleeting. After an hour or so, it was like she was never there. There was no more physical evidence, only the hidden pain of our conversation still reeling within my mind.

It played over and over again, broken up by every other moment I had shared with her. Every kiss, every argument, every run, and every smile. They were all there. I knew that I would treasure each one in the days and years to come, but for now, I needed to empty my mind before I completely lost it.

I stormed inside, heading straight to the gym and bypassing anything that would slow me down. I needed to clear my mind and I only knew one way to do so right now. It was only when I was outside the gym doors that I realized a proper run would be nearly impossible with my dress shoes. It didn't matter, there was still a punching bag.

Tasha was in the gym when I arrived, probably waiting for me.

"Hey, I was looking for you. I –"

Without thinking, I cut off whatever she was going to say with a kiss, pressing her against the nearby padded wall. I forced myself against her body, taking her by surprise. It didn't take long for her to recover though. She was soon kissing me back, with a passion and eagerness that I attempted to match. I failed, no matter how hard I tried.

I pulled away just as suddenly as I had overtaken her, smacking the wall beside her head with a frustrated curse.

"I can't do this Tasha!"

No matter how much I desperately wanted to feel something for Tasha, even just a hint of something that could become more in time, all I could think about while kissing her was that I had kissed Rose in a very similar manner just a few days before.

I leaned against the wall beside her so we were both facing the empty gym, shamefully unable to look at her or see how she was looking at me. I felt utterly defeated.

"It's Rose, right?" Tasha's tone was soft, inquisitorial rather than accusatory.

I couldn't deny it, but I wasn't quite ready to admit the truth to her openly either.

"How'd you figure it out."

"It wasn't that hard, Dimitri. I've known you for years, long before you started hiding behind that perfect mask of yours. I can still see the tells. I've had my suspicions since the our little lunch that first afternoon. You may not show your emotions for her openly, but it's hard to keep them from your eyes every time you say her name. Not to mention, it was almost more damning to see how much you were trying  _not_ to say about her."

I took a deep sigh, knowing that she was right. "What do you want me to say? It's not like I planned this Tasha."

"Well I'd certainly hope not!" She was now pacing in front of me and her voice was raising steadily, out of frustration, anger, or disappointment, I wasn't sure. One thing was for certain however, she wasn't happily congratulating me on my pathetic love life. "Look, I'm the last one to pass judgment on an age gap, and seven years really isn't all that bad," she gestured between us for emphasis, "but she's seventeen, Dimitri.  _Seventeen_. How the hell did you get yourself in this mess!"

I sank down heavily onto the mat and let my face fall into my hands, allowing the full weight of the situation to overcome me. "I honestly don't know. She snuck up on me. I never saw her coming."

"How does she feel...never mind, this actually explains a few things." She paused, hesitantly looking towards me as the next question formed slowly on her lips. "Have you two..."

"No." I cut her off sharply, desperate to sever the question before it made it out into the open.

"How far then?"

I remained silent, hoping that she would somehow just forget this whole conversation. She wasn't allowing it.

"How far, Dimitri! I'm trying to figure out if I need to report you or not!"

The muscles in my back tensed just from the thought. She probably should report me. It would cost me my career, possibly my freedom, definitely my reputation, but it was still probably the right thing to do.

"We've...kissed." I couldn't even look at her.

"Who initiated? Her?"

I just nodded in reply. I didn't mention the fact that while she had initiated those stolen moments, I was more than willing to participate...at least for a minute or two. She came to sit beside me, neither of us looking at the other.

"Anything else?"

I hesitated, wondering if I should mention the charm. Technically, we weren't in our right minds, but it was still our actions. I didn't have time to ponder it though before she was silently pulling it out of me.

"The night Victor stole Lissa, he placed a lust charm on Rose and I. When she came to find me and tell me what was happening it...activated." I could see Tasha shaking her head silently as I spoke. The disapproval from my friend made me feel even worse. "She was pretty much naked by the time I realized what was happening. I put an end to it, we both did, but..." I couldn't even finish. The guilt was so consuming that it was making it hard to breath.

There was a long silence before Tasha stood and walked towards the exit. Just before she opened the door, she turned back towards me.

"I think you should take my offer."


	17. Chapter 17

I felt like there was an unspoken agreement between Tasha and I that whatever she had planned for tomorrow, my day off, was no longer on the agenda. I knew that my confession had infuriated her, and like Rose, she had a fierce temper. The big difference was that Rose's temper tended to flare with a large burst and dissipate quickly, almost like a fireworks display. While I was good at controlling it now, my own temper was much like hers. One energetic flash and then it's gone. Tasha was the opposite though. Her temper burned hot and took a while to fade, more like a bonfire and the embers left after the blaze had died out. Each had their own problems. Rose's outbursts tended to draw attention and get her in trouble, even though they rarely had a lasting impact. Tasha's, if left unnoticed and uncontrolled, could become an inferno that destroyed everything in its path. However, once the initial flames were doused, it was usually best to let her calm down on her own.

I tossed and turned for hours, feeling completely alone knowing that my relationships with both Roza and Tasha were on the rocks. I knew things could be worse. Rose and I had actually had a civil conversation, the first one in days, and that was a success even if it didn't end in the best case scenario. I wasn't even sure what I would have considered the best case scenario. For all I know, perhaps our conversation did end that way. And Tasha...she had every right to be ashamed of me. Lord knows that I'm ashamed of my actions. Not to say that I was ashamed for falling for Roza, because I couldn't understand how anyone could get to know her and not fall in love with her, but I was ashamed that I had allowed our relationship to go out of control and become the disaster it was now. Despite it all though, Tasha was standing by me and offering me a way out of this mess.

It was more than I deserved.

By 4 in the afternoon, long after everyone was asleep, I was laying in my bed exhausted and restless. I knew I needed sleep, but I was a ball of nervous energy that nothing seemed to dissipate. It seemed like physical exertion would be my only solace tonight. Admitting defeat, I slipped into my gym clothing and grabbed my bag to hit the 24 hour guardian gym. The track should be empty, and I gave thanks for little blessings. At least I wouldn't have any witnesses to my breakdown.

I was just about to head out the door when my phone rang in my hand. I answered it automatically.

"Belikov."

"I need you to report to Guardian Hathaway's room immediately." It was Alberta, but she didn't greet me and ended the phone call without any form of goodbye.

I didn't bother to change, knowing that the urgency in Guardian Petrov's voice made it clear that whatever what happening was extremely time sensitive that even formalities were being thrown to the wayside. My mind immediately went to another attack. I desperately hoped that it wasn't the case, that maybe we just had more information on either the Drozdov or Badica attack, but I knew that it was something more pressing.

When I finally made it to Guardian Hathaway's room, I could see people gathering together, running information to and fro. I had barely stepped through the door when Alberta turned on me.

"Dimiri. Do you have any idea where Rose is? Please tell me she has contacted you."

"Rose?" The topic of Rose was pretty much at the top of the list of things I hadn't expected her to ask about. "I haven't heard from her since last night at the Voda banquet. Why?"

Both Alberta, and Janine behind her, deflated.

"A guardian was attacked earlier at the North gate."

My heart started racing at Janine's words, unsure of what would come next but knowing that it wouldn't be good.

"By his testimony, it was Rose. We haven't been able to locate her." It was Alberta who finished, but she seemed much more concerned than Janine's cold, professional demeanor.

"She's missing?" I was barely able to keep the stress from my voice.

All Janine offered in reply was a curt nod. One would think that she would show some concern for her absent daughter, but the only hint of emotion that I could pick up from behind her impassive mask was almost like she was...offended. As if Rose had personally slighted her by recklessly attacking a Guardian. Not that I wasn't concerned with the fact that she physically assaulted the guard at the gate. I was having a hard time figuring out why she would ever feel the need to do something like that? She must have been desperate to leave. But if it was that important, why didn't she come to me first?

"As far as we can tell. The last to see her was Guardian Peterson. Apparently she and Christian approached him about 2am. Christian asked him to let them leave, but when Guardian Peterson refused to, Rose hit him over the head with a flashlight and rendered him unconscious. They were gone by the time Peterson came to."

"Where would she have gone?" And why would she have gone with Christian? They had a mutual understanding, but they never really gravitated towards one another for companionship. It would have been much more likely that she would have gone with Lissa or Mason.

"We have no clue where they were heading. There's a small town within an hour of here that has a bus station. They could have gone nearly anywhere from there. We were hoping you might have more insight."

"I...I don't know." If you had asked me last week, I would have felt like I could have predicted Rose's every movement, but there had been so much distance between us recently...I couldn't even fathom a guess at what she had up her sleeves. "Have you talked to Vasilisa yet? Mason Ashford, perhaps?"

"We haven't spoken to the Princess about her disappearance yet, only enough to ascertain that she wasn't in her room, but should we be question Novice Ashford first?"

"Yes. When I saw her last, I was certain that she was going to speak to him. He might know why she left and where she was going."

Alberta pinched the bridge of her nose, fighting off some stress and tension. I knew that she considered Rose to be like a daughter to her, and the fact that she was missing was just as upsetting to her as it was to both me and Janine. Or, as it should have been to Janine. Finally, she spoke again.

"Fine. Dimitri, I'd like you to locate Mr. Ashford and see if he knows anything. I'll send a couple of guardians to check with the bus station to see if they've seen Rose or Christian."

Christian's name reminded me that Rose wasn't the only one unaccounted for, and more importantly, there was someone who would be worried that he was missing.

"Has anyone notified Lady Natasha Ozera?" I looked between Guardian Petrov and the other guardians surrounding her.

"Not yet," she admitted, "we were hoping that you might have some information for us before we did so. I'll personally speak to her right now." And with that, we dispersed.

Part of me wanted to insist on talking to Tasha myself, but considering how things were left last night, I didn't know if I would be received well. If she was still fuming over our conversation, then she was likely to start an argument before I could tell her about Christian's sudden disappearance. It would be better for Alberta to talk to her now, and I would check in with her as soon as I could.

It took no time at all to find Mason's room again, especially since I had been here just a few nights before. There was a sense of deja vue to be knocking on the door again. My first knock went ignored, which wasn't too surprising considering that the students should be well into their sleep cycle at the moment, but by my third round of knocking, the door suddenly flew open.

"What! Oh..." Novice Shane Reyes answered the door, obviously just woken up, and less than happy about the matter. When he saw me, his look of anger shifted to one of worry.

I cut off any form of apologizing. I couldn't blame him for being upset when drug out of bed in the middle of the night. "I'm sorry for waking you. I need to speak to Novice Ashford immediately. May I come in?"

He stepped aside, letting me through the doorway. "Sure, but Mason's not here. He never came back last night."

"What do you mean, 'he never came back'? Don't you think that would be something to notify a school official about?" My tone was a bit harsher than I had meant it to be, and I could see Shane flinch in response.

"Maybe? I mean yes, under normal circumstances, I would. I just assumed..."

"You assumed what?" My temper was thinning with every moment Shane fumbled through his response. I knew my frustration wasn't helping the matter, but my worry for Rose was getting the best of me.

"You aren't the only one who was trying to find him. Rose came by several hours after he left last night and she was looking for him too. I figured when he didn't come back last night that they had...um...found each other." He looked a bit hesitant at what he was suggesting, knowing that it could get them both in trouble.

I ignored the obvious conclusion that he had come to about their whereabouts and pressed on with my questioning. "And you haven't seen either of them since?"

"No. I'll tell you the same thing I told Rose though. He was packing a bag before they left. I thought he was going to do some romantic gesture for her, something like, I dont know, maybe a picnic or what not. Honestly though, when I think about it now, that doesn't quite make sense. Yeah, he grabbed a few snacks, but he was tossing some clothing and other things in there as well. If I didn't know better, it was like he was planning on leaving the Lodge."

Shane's theory stopped me cold. It seemed that maybe Christian and Rose weren't the only ones missing. Perhaps Mason had left too. But he hadn't been spotted with Rose when she assaulted the guard, so did they leave together? Perhaps he went after her...no...that couldn't be right. It seemed like he was preparing to leave  _before_  Rose spoke to Shane. So, maybe it was the other way around? Maybe Rose went after Mason. By why would Mason take off on his own?

"Thank you Novice Reyes. You're welcome to go back to bed, but I should warn you that other guardians may be dropping by at some point to ask you for some more information."

Reyes eyes widened, perhaps scared about what trouble he might personally be in to warrant more discussions later on, but I didn't have the time to settle his fears. I had turned and pulled my phone out, hearing the room's door close behind me.

As soon as she picked up, I started speaking. "Alberta, we have another missing student. It seems like Mason Asford hasn't been seen since last night."

"Please tell me you're joking..."

"I'm afraid not." I was hardly one to joke around in most situations, and even less likely to do so at the moment. Alberta knew this, but I think she was hoping against hope right now.

"So he left with Rose and Christian too?"

"I can't say for sure, but I doubt it. He wasn't spotted with the pair at the gate. I think that Mason left first, and Rose followed after him. She was looking for him last night and Mason's roommate saw her a few hours  _after_  Mason had left with a packed bag."

"Great...three missing students."

"I wouldn't assume that either. We should probably make sure there are no other students unaccounted for before we press any further. Perhaps that will lead us to some more information."

The line was silent, but I could practically hear the buzz of Guardian Petrovs nerves tensing. With a deep breath, she sighed. "I'll gather the school guards. I want all hands on deck until this matter is settled." And then she hung up.

It took fifteen minutes to assemble every school guardian that wasn't actively working a post at the time. Guardians were nothing if not efficient. After a quick run down of the apparent situation, Alberta asked if anyone had seen of Rose, Christian, or Mason. A couple admitted to seeing Rose between 1 and 1:30, but she had been asking about Mason. She also didn't have Christian with her at the time. The third guardian who spoke up was Alan Kendall.

"I saw both Rose and Mason. Rose came to me asking about Ashford around the time the others stated. I let her know that I had let him, Edison Castile, and Mia Rinaldi out the North gate around 11."

Everyone's eyes snapped to the guardian at his confession, but it was Alberta who broke the silence with all the fury of a mother bear protecting her young.

"You  _what?_  You mean to tell me that you simply let three students walk right out of the gate with no questions asked? Why would you do something like that?"

"They asked..." Alan looked confused, as if his answer was the most logical thing in the world. I could feel my own anger at his incompetence building, and I knew by the looks on the faces of the others that I wasn't alone. One person, someone who I would have expected to be much more enraged, seemed unnaturally calm though.

"Alberta, look at his eyes." Janine's odd request made me focus on Alan's eyes as well. Nothing seemed anything but ordinary until Janine spoke again. "Guardian Kendall, who specifically asked you to let them out of the North Gate."

Immediately, I could see Alan's pupils grow and his eyes seemed to become hazy. "Ms. Rinaldi," he answered.

"I believe that Guardian Kendall has been the subject of some compulsion, Guardian Petrov."

"I think you're right, Janine." Alberta rubbed at her eyes for a moment before addressing the rest of us. "Did anyone else let any more students out of the ward boundaries, willingly or otherwise?"

The room was silent in response.

"Good. Well, at least we know who is missing now. Guardian Kendall, I'd like to speak to you and your partner who was working with you at the gate. Celeste, will you call Yuri at the bus station and let him know that we're also looking for Mason, Eddie, and Mia? Hopefully they have seen one of our students. Belikov, I think you and Guardian Hathaway should have a chat with Vasilisa and see if she has anyway to get in contact with Rose or the others. The rest of you, stay posted. We'll update you and assign work as more information comes in. Dismissed."

The group broke quickly. My mind was still racing with one question.  _Why?_  Why would Mason, Eddie, and Mia leave? Why would Rose follow them? Why would she take Christian with her? Why wouldn't she come to me first? That last question ate me up more than anything, because it was the only one where I felt fairly certain of the answer: Rose had lost faith in me.

Don't get me wrong, I knew she still trusted my training. She still deferred to me as her mentor. However, she didn't trust me enough to come with to me with her problems like she had before. I could have gotten her through the gate without the need to assault a guardian; something that will go into her record no matter what half-decent excuse she might have. I probably could have even gotten permission for her to leave. I could have been back up for whatever she may have needed. But no, she felt the need to try to do this on her own because she didn't feel like I was there for her anymore.

 _Are you there for her?_  I wanted to say yes, that I would always be there for her when she needed me, but how could I possibly promise that when I was planning on leaving her to fend for herself. Not just at the end of the school year either, but as soon as we return to the academy.

No, I had no reason to question why Rose didn't come to me, because I already knew the answer: I was leaving her.

Beneath the questioning was something that I didn't want to admit. There was fear, and lots of it. If I acknowledged that fear then I was afraid that I'd fully give into it and be completely useless. Everyone else might think that Rose's reckless nature simply led to a unscheduled road trip for her and her friends, and if you only look at the surface facts, who could blame them? Rose has run away before. She took the princess with her last time. Two fellow novices, a no-name Moroi, and a Royal who has been all but exiled by his family were nothing compared to the last surviving Dragomir.

But I knew better. Rose didn't do anything without reason. The more reckless the behavior, the more important the reason behind it. This...was beyond reckless, even by her standards. Something like this could very well mean that someone's life was at risk, and I was completely in the dark as to where to go from here.

I should have put my own issues aside and been there for her. If not as a friend – or anything else – then at least as her mentor. Perhaps if I could have looked past my own stupidity, I could have seen whatever led to this. It would be so much easier to believe that our talk last night, or perhaps a difficult conversation with Mason, had pushed her to want some freedom and time to herself, but I couldn't even pretend that was the case. Where ever Rose was, she was heading towards danger, if she wasn't there already.

My last hope was that wherever she was, she had confided in Lissa.

The walk to the Princess's door was shorter than I felt it should have been. Janine knocked on her door, and a sleepy eyed girl answered in flannel pajamas and a pink robe. She became more alert instantly, looking behind us hopefully.

"Where's Rose? Did you find her yet?"

And that last hopeful thread was severed.


	18. Chapter 18

"Princess," Guardian Hathaway spoke, without so much as a tremble in her voice, "I think you should sit down. We need to ask you some questions."

Lissa looked to me a moment, furrowing her brows in question. I nodded, encouraging her to do what Janine asked.

Just as Lissa sat on her bed, my phone rang again. My heart jumped in hope that it was somehow Rose, against all odds. Or Alberta calling to tell me they had found Rose. Instead, it was Yuri.

"Hey Belikov. So, I just spoke to the attendant on duty here, and he says that he hasn't seen any of them. The catch is that he got on duty at 3:00."

I turned towards the alarm clock on the nightstand between the bed where Vasilisa now sat and the one that was unmade beside it. It read 3:23 in the afternoon. The man had been at work for less than a half hour. If Roza or any of the others had been there, they were probably long gone before he ever clocked in.

"Can you get a hold of whoever had the shift before him?"

"We tried calling her, but she isn't answering. We're going to try to call her again in another fifteen minutes. I'm also tried to get clearance to see the security tapes but the manager here says that the ones in the bus station are down, scheduled to be fixed in three days. I could try to get some videos from traffic cams or something, but that would mean getting the local police involved. Alberta's not too keen on involving them or the alchemists unless absolutely necessary."

It takes a whole lot to cause a stress headache in me, but Roza had a unique way of doing so. I sat down heavily on her bed before addressing Yuri again.

"Well, if we wait too much longer and we're going to have to involve them anyways. At this point, that's our only lead. How long does Alberta want to push until we make the call?"

"She's not chancing it. If we don't get a hold of the other attendant in fifteen minutes, she's going to contact the alchemists and see if they can work something out."

"Please keep me posted."

"Will do, Belikov. Don't worry, we'll get that girl of yours back. She's a handful, but she's a good student. None of us want to lose her."

I ended the call, not bothering to reply. Yuri's words replaying in my head. My  _girl_. My  _student_. He had absolutely no idea.

I ran my hand against the bed spread, but instead of the of the expected cotton, I felt silk beneath my palm. I looked down, only to find my fingers tangled in the smooth red material that must have been the dress Rose had been wearing earlier. The last time I had seen her.

"Any updates?"

Guardian Hathaway's business like tone snapped me back to reality. "No. There has been a shift change. They're trying to get a hold of the person who might have seen them."

Janine nodded and turned back towards Lisa again, as if she hadn't just witnessed the conversation a moment before.

"Princess, do you have any idea where Rose might be?"

"No. I told you and Guardian Petrov that earlier."

"How about Christian? Do you know where he might be?" If she didn't know where Rose was, she surely knew where her boyfriend was. They had all been all but joined at the hip since before Christmas.

My theory was quickly thrown into the water when here eyes widened in surprise. "Christian's gone too?"

"Yes." Guardian Hathaway's even voice was starting to get to me. How could she not show more concern and worry at a time like this? "Mr. Ozera was last seen leaving the North gate in the company of Rosemarie, right before she assaulted the guardian on duty."

"Rose  _assaulted_  a guardian?" Lissa's voice mimicked the internal one that had played in my mind when I had heard the news. "Why would she do something like that?"

"That is exactly what we are trying to discern. In addition to both Rose and Christian, it seems like Mason Ashford, Edison Castile, and Mia Rinaldi have gone missing as well. They weren't seen with Rose and Christian, but left a few hours prior. Would you know where they are?"

Vasilisa looked almost...dejected. "No. I have no idea where they are. Nobody told me anything."

She didn't seem like she was covering for them, but I desperately hoping that was the case anyway. "We know you are just trying to protect them," I assured gently, "but we need to know where they are."

Lissa looked up at me, not a hint of deception in her eyes. "I told you, I don't know. I don't know what happened."

"I can't believe they wouldn't have told you were they were going." Janine had taken up pacing behind me. Perhaps she wasn't as stoic about the situation as she appeared on the outside. "Especially with your...bond."

"It only works one way," Lissa snapped, or the closest I had ever seen her to snapping. It sounded more sad than anything else. "You know that."

I knelt beside her, in front of the bed where she sat, until we were eye to eye. "Are you sure there's nothing? Nothing at all you can tell us?" I didn't want to tell Lissa that she was pretty much our last hope for a lead. Without the attendant who might have sold them the tickets, we had little else. Even near by traffic cams would only be good to show that they had been in the area, not where they might have gone. I didn't even want to think what might happen if we got a hold of the attendant and she didn't remember Rose or the others. We needed Lissa to tell us something.  _I_ needed her to tell me something. "They're nowhere in town. The man at the station didn't see them...though we're pretty sure that's where they must have gone. We need something,  _anything_  to go on." I vaguely wondered if my desperation was obvious to anyone else other than myself.

Lissa responded by glaring at me, all but hissing between her teeth as she spoke. "Don't you think if I knew, I'd tell you? You don't think I'm worried about them too? I have  _no_  idea where they are. None." Her voice calmed a little as she got caught up in her own thoughts. "And why'd they even leave...it doesn't make sense either. Especially why they'd go with Mia, of all people.

I looked at her a bit incredulously, shocked and a bit upset that amongst everything else, she had the emotional capacity to be hurt that she wasn't involved. I sat back on my heels, holding back my sigh and resisting the urged to rub at my tired eyes. At least I had my answer now. Lissa had no information for us. Unfortunately, I knew that in and of itself was a small clue as to what Rose was up to. If she didn't involve the Princess, it was because whatever Rose was doing was too dangerous to get her involved. Roza would never place her best friend, our charge, in danger. I could feel my anxiety levels rising as I once again tried to puzzle out where Rose and the others had gone to.

I hardly had the thought pass through my mind when Guardian Hathaway answered her phone with such a quick reflex, I hadn't even heard it ring.

She spoke only two or three words before hanging up. None of them gave me any indication about what her call might have entailed. However, her next words were directed at me.

"Guardian Belikov, we have a meeting in five minutes. They got a hold of the attendant."

"Excuse me." I was eager to get the meeting and learn what they had as soon as possible, but I could hear Lissa calling after us with questions.

"Did they find her? Where is she? Is she okay? Is Christian with her? Why did she leave?"

All the same question were ones that were racing through my own mind so I didn't have an answer for her. Thankfully, Janine took over.

"Princess, we will update you as soon as we know anything, but we need to go to the meeting first."

Lissa nodded, allowing us to leave but watching us hopefully as we walked away.

The room was once again filled with people when we arrived, all of them looking for an update on the missing students. I had noticed that Tasha had allowed to attend, but other that Headmistress Kirova, she was the only Moroi in attendance.

As soon as I sat in the empty seat next to Tasha, the meeting was called to order.

"Thank you for your prompt arrival. More than ever, time if of the essence. Guardian Novakovic was finally able to contact the bus station attendant who was on duty. Thankfully, she remembers seeing the students and where they were heading. The unfortunate news is that they purchased tickets to Spokane, Washington."

Several guardians, myself and Guardian Hathaway included, reared back as the news washed over us. Only about half of us were privy to the information about what could be possibly lurking there.

"As some of you know," Alberta continued, "Spokane is the location where we have begun to suspect a large Strigoi population to be in hiding. This is the same group we believe to be responsible for both the Badica and Drozdov attacks. Without any other information about the students' motives, we have to treat the situation as if they are seeking out this group."

I could hear Tasha gasp softly behind me, and I ran my fingers through my hair.  _No..._

"How did they find out about the Strigoi group?" one guardian in the back asked. "Not even all of us were aware of them."

Alberta shook her head in frustration. "In the long run, it doesn't matter and there is nothing to gain by exploring that. For all we know, the information could have come as a result of compulsion. The primary need now is to put together a plan to retrieve them as soon as possible."

_My fault...it was my fault. I told her. This is my fault._

It felt like that final thread of sanity that was holding me together snapped with that realization, and I wasn't the only one who snapped.

"My daughter is walking into a nest of Strigoi and you don't think it's worth looking at who  _sent_  her there?"

"Janine..."

"No!" Several of the guardians around me looked taken aback at her outburst. "Rose is as much yours as she is mine, Alberta. You  _have_ to be livid about this. Whoever broke protocol needs to be held accountable!"

"It doesn't matter!" Since starting at the Academy, I had never seen our captain lose control. From the faces of others, they hadn't either. She took a breath, composing her self again. "It doesn't matter, Janine. What matters now is getting Rose back...Getting them all back. We're wasting time debating. We need to get a plan of action and get it approved by the council."

"This would be a rescue and retrieval," I spoke suddenly, not even realizing that I was interrupting her briefing, "why would we need council approval?"

"Typically, you would be right, we wouldn't. We don't usually need approval for rescues, but since this operation would take us directly towards the Strigoi lair, council wants to be sure that any plan we have is solid enough to risk the lives of promised guardians to retrieve a small number of students who left of their own free will."

"Even with a Royal Moroi among them?" I turned to Tasha as the random guardian posed his question. She had always been pale, but she looked sick with worry at this moment and I didn't blame her. The same hopelessness was running through me. I reached for her hand, a gesture of solidarity more than anything else, and she returned it with a hollow look that made me feel even guiltier than I had before. I hadn't just put my Roza's life in danger, I had inadvertently endangered Christian as well.

"I'm sorry, even with Mr. Ozera as part of the missing party, I can't guarantee an approved mission. The most we can do at this point is gather as much information as we can, create a solid plan of action, and hope for the best." Guardian Petrov looked heartbroken that there was nothing else to be done.

Behind her, Janine looked terrifyingly calm as she shook her head slowly. Without moving from her statue like position against the wall, she looked over the guardians present. "Whoever let this information slip, their blood is on their your hands. If one student is harmed because of this, if my daughter dies..." she shook her head again, unable to continue.

It took every ounce of my will power not to shirk underneath her gaze as it ran over me.  _If Rose is harmed, I'll be the one to blame. If she dies, it will be my fault. I need to get her back. She can't die because of me..._

It took about an hour to get a plan. It was simple, and vague, but with as little information as we had, it was the best we could do. The group going on to retrieve the Roza, Christian, and the others would all be volunteers. There were ten of us who where chosen, though over twice that many were willing to go. We knew that the Council wouldn't approve any more than that, if they even approved this many. Me, Alberta, and Janine were among the group designated to go as soon as we got the okay.

The plan, limited as it was, was passed almost immediately by the Guardian Council. The hold up came when the Moroi leadership had their turn to look it over. It was a victory just to say that it wasn't immediately rejected, but they took their time reviewing every detail. The resulting wait was slowly killing me.

Several hours later, I was exhausted from the mental stress of worrying and the pacing that I had taken up the moment we sent the proposal to Court. I needed some fresh air or I would go mad before we ever had the chance to reach Spokane.

It seemed like I wasn't the only one with that idea though. As soon as I stepped onto the back deck, I could hear several voices including one that was becoming more and more recognizable. Guardian Hathaway was speaking to an older Moroi gentleman. From his clothing, I could tell he was fairly wealthy, but it was his eyes that confirmed that he was a Royal. The dark blue was a dead giveaway of his Szelsky lineage.

"Has there been any word back, Guardian Hathaway?"

"No Sir, we're still waiting for approval." Janine stood at attention, but her shoulders seemed to be carrying an invisible weight that she struggled to support. From their apparent familiarity and interaction, I was guessing that this man was her charge. Rose had told me that her mother had been guarding a Szelsky for over ten years now.

Lord Szelsky's face fell slightly as he sighed. "I've called some of my contacts at Court. I'm hoping they'll be able to expedite the decision soon."

"Thank you, Sir."

"I wasn't quite finished yet, my dear," his smile held a bit of mischief. "If the council doesn't send word soon, or heaven forbid those idiots deny the request, then I'd like to offer you some of that long overdue vacation time that I've been suggesting for years. Do what you need to in order to save your daughter and her friends. I've talked to both of my sons as well as their guardians and both Guardian Marsh and Guardian Brown are willing to accompany you."

Janine nodded silently in reply as I thought to myself,  _'Perhaps I should take some vacation time myself...'_

"But I want you to promise me something Janine. When you get your daughter back, don't you lose her again. I want you to take some time for yourself and get to know her. You've been out of her life for far too long, despite my encouragement otherwise, and I wont take no for an answer this time. I'll hire another guardian while you're gone, but I want you to get to know young Rosemarie. Are we agreed?"

A hand on my forearm pulled me from my eavesdropping. Lissa stood beside me, looking hesitantly hopeful. Behind her, Tasha looked like she was barely holding herself together.

"Has Rose contacted you at all?"

"I'm sorry, Princess. We haven't heard anything from Rose or the others and we're still waiting for final approval before we can head out. I promise you though, we will find them." I looked up to Tasha. "Approval or not, I'll do everything I can to bring them home."

"I want to come with you."

"No. I'm sorry Tasha, but going without approval will already be fairly illegal. Bringing a Moroi, a Royal Moroi at that, would probably get us all demarked. Plus, if the situation is as bad as we fear it may be, we'll need to have all our focus on retrieving the students. I wont be able to do that if I'm worried about protecting you too."

"To hell with that!" I knew her outburst wasn't personal, just a result of all the tension surrounding us. "They apparently don't care that Christian is of Royal blood, why would they care if I am? And don't give me that line about protecting me, you know I can hold my own..."

"Not against something like this. A group of Strigoi is something unfamiliar to us all. For your safety, for all of our safety, I need you to stay back and let me and the others do what we do best."

Tasha hardly looked satisfied, but she bottled her frustration.

Lissa was the one to finally calm her. "Tasha, please, look at me." The moment that she did, Tasha seemed to relax. "Stay with me. Let Guardian Belikov and the others find them. He'll bring Christian and Rose back. Stay with me."

I was surprised how quickly Tasha agreed with Vasilisa, but I wasn't going to argue with her. Instead, I returned to my room and began gathering any necessary supplies I would need. Whether or not we got approval, I was going to bring them back. I wouldn't abandon my Roza.


	19. Chapter 19

It took nearly six hours to get the approval we needed from Court. Less than an hour later, we were on our way to Spokane. The drive would take just over two hours, but it felt like a lifetime. I gripped the wheel to the point where my fingers were cramping. Driving kept me focused on something other than Roza's well being and my own guilt at causing all this. If I allowed myself to give into that fear and worry then I would be of no use to her.

A pair of Alchemists met us at the entrance to the shopping center. It was located in the heart of the city, right next to a beautiful park with a river cutting though it. On any other day I would have been happy to explore the area leisurely, perhaps enjoying the sights with Rose by my side. I could even see a old fashioned carousel in the distance, much like the one my sisters and I enjoyed in Moscow's Detsky Mir toy store when I was a child. It would have been fun to relive those good memories and create new ones with Roza, but today my reason for being here was much darker.

I wasn't aware of whatever story the Alchemists had told the police officers and mall owner that made them willing to unlock the doors to the shopping center well past midnight, but I didn't question it. There had been some debate on when we should scout the location, especially since the delayed approval meant that we wouldn't immediately have the daylight as an additional tool in our arsenal. However, it was agreed that the risks of raiding during the night didn't outweigh the risk of putting hundreds of store patrons in danger during the mall's operating hours. Above all else was the sense that we had already waited too long to start this mission, and none of us wanted to waste a moment longer.

The mall was completely dark, save for the few safety lights. Even the large windows near the main entrance didn't offer too much more light because of the surrounding buildings. All the stores were closed, with their gates down, as we cautiously entered. The mall manager, a human, pressed forward leading the way. The Alchemists wisely held back behind us, knowing exactly what we were here to find.

"We are looking for the basement storage. We were told that there are some abandoned tunnels that could be compromised and holding squatters." That must have been the cover story the Alchemists offered.

"They're this way," the manager spoke, none too pleased at the late hour. "I still don't understand why we needed to do this at nearly two in the morning."

"Well, the specific person we are looking for has a warrant out for his arrest and we assumed that this would be the best chance to guarantee he was here." The officer spoke with authority and finality, halting any further protests from the owner. I knew that the Alchemists had many different government officials and other contacts at their disposal, and this police officer must have been one of them. I didn't want to know what would have warranted him such attention from the Alchemists. Guardians and Alchemists typically tried to just stay out of one another's way, even while working side by side.

"Well, I hope this is worth it then," the owner spat bitterly.

 _'Me too...'_  I thought.

The entry to the tunnels was down a set of stairs and split in a "T" shape. On one side was a janitorial closet, on the other, a children's activity center. It sent shivers up my spine to know just how close those innocent souls were to what I knew to be the most evil beings on the face of the earth. After insisting that the Alchemist, mall owner, and police officer stay behind for the time being, we went through the door marked "Staff Only" and down yet another flight of stairs. It smelled damp and air down here was long past fresh. The only light came from flickering florescents overhead. There didn't seem to be much more than a few boxes of extra cleaning supplies that were probably long forgotten by those who would actually use them.

Our group slowly canvased the area, finding absolutely nobody, Strigoi or otherwise. It was an odd mixture of worry and relief. I could breath easier knowing that our lead – the lead that I had told Rose – was wrong. There was no evidence of Strigoi here. However, that also meant that we had no clue were Rose and the others actually were.

With the entire basement area given the all-clear, I rested against one of the walls as Janine and Alberta discussed the next phase in our plan. Technically, the council would want us to return to the lodge right away, but everyone knew that wasn't actually going to happen.

The walls were covered with graffiti. Most of it was worn down with time and I suspected that nobody had been here in quite a while. However, there was bit of writing on the wall that was significantly less faded than the others. In fact, it seemed like it was incredibly recent.

D

B

C

O

T

D

V

L

D

Z

S

I

It seemed like such an odd configuration of characters, especially with the 'B' and one of the 'D's crossed through. Something seemed...almost familiar about it, but I couldn't place it. I stared at it for over five minutes, counted the letters, tried to rearrange them into some word, but nothing seemed to fit right. I was just about to give up when an odd thought caught me by surprise...

_Ivashkov, Szlesky, Zeklos..._

"Guardian Petrov, Guardian Hathaway, you may want to come and see this."

The women stopped their conversation suddenly, tensing as if ready for battle at a moment's notice. They walked towards me and looked at the markings.

"What is this Guardian Belikov?" Alberta asked "It seems like nothing more than graffiti."

"That's what I thought too, but look again. Each letter stands for the one of the Royal family names."

The both took a moment to look over the letters before Alberta gave a small gasp. "He's right."

"Do you think this could be simple coincidence?" Guardian Hathaway didn't seem to believe in her own theory.

"I don't think so," I replied. "Look at the two letters crossed out. B for Badica. D for Drozdov."

"I guess our lead was spot on." Janine didn't seem nearly as thrilled as you would think she should have been to learn that our information was correct. I didn't blame her one bit.

After doing a final search to see if there was any other sign of the students, we ascended the stairs again. After a short conversation between Alberta and one of the Alchemists, she stepped forward to address the group.

"We weren't able to find the man we were looking for, however, we did find evidence of recent activity down there. We suggest sealing off the door to keep unauthorized personnel out."

The owner gave an agreeing nod and the one of the Alchemists spread a thick substance on the door. They had a large collection of chemicals that could do anything from melting a Stigoi body to creating an elixir to make a witness forget the past several hours. It didn't surprise me one big that they would have something in that chemistry set that could weld a metal door close.

As soon as we were fully above ground, I heard the chime of three cell phones going off at once. One belonged to me, while the other two belonged to Guardians Petrov and Hathaway. We looked between one another, knowing that it was not likely to be random happenstance.

I listened to the message on my phone as they did the same. It was Tasha's frantic voice that came through the speaker.

" _Dimka. Please, call me back as soon as you get this. Adrian Ivashkov was able to contact Rose. She apparently wasn't able to get much of a message through, but she's in trouble. They all are. I-I-I can't lose Christian. Please Dimitri, I can't lose him. He's the only family I have left. Please, oh God, please call me back as soon as you can."_

Tasha had nearly been in tears by the end, and just hearing her worry for her nephew was enough to reignite my own fear about Rose. She was alive, or had been recently. I should find some peace in that but there was none to be had when all I knew now was that they were in danger.

From the looks on Janine and Alberta's faces, apparently they had received similar messages. Alberta started calling someone right away. I raised my phone in Janine's direction. "That was Lady Ozera."

"Yeah, I had one from Princess Dragomir. Apparently Rose was able to contact Lord Ivashkov. I guess he wasn't able to get much more out of her except that they were in trouble. I don't even know if he was able to ascertain a location for them." She looked away from me, getting lost in her own head as she absentmindedly bit at her fingernail.

I nodded, even though she was no longer looking my way, then ran my fingers through my hair, waiting on pins and needles for Alberta's hushed conversation to end. The seven other guardians who surrounded us did the same, occasionally looking towards me and Guardian Hathaway.

Finally, when it felt like I couldn't hold my breath any longer, Alberta lowered her phone and raised her head with a heavy sigh. "Well, it's not much, but just over a half hour ago, Lord Adrian Ivashkov was able to contact Rose Hathaway somehow. Unfortunately, the conversation lasted only moments and he wasn't able to get much information from her before they were cut off. All we know is that they are in a dangerous situation, that Christian Ozera and Mia Rinaldi seem to be alive but compromised, and that they are in the basement of a home."

"That's it?"

"That's it," Alberta confirmed in a way that wasn't quite defeated, but wasn't far from it either. "It isn't much, but thankfully, it does offer us some clue as to where they may be."

"A basement?" One of the other guardians exclaimed in exasperation. He was another instructor at the academy and I knew he was fond of Rose, Mason, and Eddie. "There must be hundreds of thousands of homes in the greater Spokane area. That doesn't narrow it down any."

"True, but the Alchemists and Guardian Council have have received several Stigoi sightings from one particular neighborhood East of here." The way Alberta spoke made it seem like it was a stretch, but desperate times called for desperate measures. "It isn't much, but it's the next logical step. Are all of you willing to continue?"

We all nodded silently. Giving up now was as good as signing their death certificates. Even the guardians who didn't have a personal relationship with the students wouldn't abandon them.

"Good. Then lets head out."

* * *

The neighborhood in question was less than a half hour away. I allowed someone else to drive this time around and called Tasha on the way. I knew she would be pacing the floor while waiting to hear from me. I would have called her sooner but I wanted to have as much information and a plan of action before doing so. She answered on the first ring.

"Dimitri. Have you found them yet? Is Christian safe?"

"Tash. I'm sorry, we haven't found them yet but we have a lead based on what Adrian told us and we're on our way there now. How are you doing?"

I could hear a bit of a muffled sniffling on the other end of the line. "I'm...I'm holding in there. Adrian is trying to get in touch with Rose or any of the others. Lissa didn't give me too many details..."

"Just try to breath." The protective nature in my drove me to reassure her despite being just as on edge. "Christian's with three nearly graduated novices who are some of the top in their class. Rose is the best in her year and Mason and Eddie are close behind. Short of having a promised guardian by his side, Christian is in the best hands he can be." I didn't tell her as much, but I knew that Rose and the others were already fully dedicated to their craft and any of them would sacrifice their lives for the Moroi with them. Perhaps it would have made her feel better, but the thought just made me more sick.

"I know. You trained Rose yourself. I know she'll do everything she can to protect my boy. I just don't understand why she allowed him to come in the first place. Why did she drag him into this?"

I waited a long beat, trying to figure out what to say. I had no clue why Rose would many of the things she did leading up to now, including involving Christian. I had no answer for Tasha. "I don't know, but I can assure you that I fully trust Roza. Whatever she did, she it did for a reason."

"Roza?" The question was clear in her voice.

"I'm sorry. Rose. I meant Rose." A quick look around the cabin of the SUV assured me that none of the other guardians had taken heed to my misstep, or if they had they weren't thinking anything of it. "Tasha, try to get some rest if you can. I'll call you with more information as soon as I can. If you hear anything else, call me or get a hold of a guardian so he can relay it to Guardian Petrov."

"Take care of yourself, Dimka. Be safe."

"I will. Try not to stress too much if you can."

She made no promises but I knew that she was just as likely to rest as I was at this point. I knew I wasn't at my best. I had hardly had any rest (much less actual sleep) in over 24 hours, but I couldn't close my eyes right now if I tried.

As we reached the neighborhood in question, Alberta went over the plan with us. We would spit into pairs and start canvasing the area. We didn't have a specific house that we were looking for, but we were instructed to look for any sign of Strigoi or anything else that seemed out of the ordinary. I felt about ready to start knocking on every door and demanding to check their basements but I knew that the endeavor would be useless. Not that this was much better...

I was partnered with Yuri and we each took a side of the quiet residential street. Sunrise wouldn't be for another hour or so, making it hard to see anything, but it was clear that we would need a miracle for this to work. I remembered how Rose told me she didn't believe in miracles. Thankfully, I did. I replayed a silent prayer over and over again in my mind as we passed one house after another. Each one looked exactly like the one before it. Most of the houses were decently large, but they were all fairly old. Almost all of them had small windows near the ground indicating a basement. In the dark of early morning, I couldn't tell if any of the windows were covered or boarded up, but I wouldn't doubt that several were. It was a pretty run down area of town and many of the homes needed a repair of one sort of another.

* * *

Three hours of searching passed. I could see the light of dawn glowing behind the nearby mountains, but the lighter it became, the more my own hope diminished. Rose and the others had been gone nearly two days now. It had been hours since anyone had heard anything. Apparently, Adrian had been unsuccessful in getting in touch with her again. The longer we went without finding them, the more likely they were to be lost forever.

We had been checking in with the other team pairs every hour. So far, the other groups were about as successful as Yuri and I, and we all sounded a bit more despondent each and every time. The next check was due in ten minutes, and I wasn't quite sure I could hear everyone say that there was no update. I heard the radio crackling and my stomach dropped in anticipation of bad news.

"We have a sighting! Christian Ozera and Eddison Castile have been located."

I ran to the gas station where the students had been found. It didn't even occur to me until I was pushing through the glass door to the market that only two people had been mentioned. Yuri was about a minute behind me and the other teams entered a few minutes after that, rushing as urgently as I had.

One of the other guardian who had reported the sighting was looking over Eddie, who appeared fairly dazed and weak. He was almost as pale as Christian standing behind him. Both boys looked like they could barely stand on their own face and were running on pure adrenalin.

"Where's the others?" Alberta spoke the question I was too afraid to ask.

"Mia and Mason were right behind us. They must have gone back for Rose."

It felt like that entire world stopped turning as I processed what Christian said. My breath caught in my throat. My heart stopped beating. My blood ran cold. "Where's Rose?"

"She stayed behind. She fought them off so we could escape." Christian lowered his eyes as he spoke, and that plus his tone made it clear that he didn't think she was still alive. He was already paying his respects for her sacrifice.

"Where is she?" I pleaded. "Where's the house?"

"Two blocks East, and turn left. White house with blue trim. There's a big tree in the front yard."

I was already out the door before he had finished his description. I knew where to go. I had already seen this house. Yuri and I had passed it over an hour ago. I had walked right by her and now...

"You two! Stay with them and contact the Alchemists. 'Rest of you move out!" I could hear Alberta shouting orders behind me but I ignored them completely. I had my own mission.

I ran faster than I had ever done so before, praying that I still had time. Every foot fall marked another moment that Rose could be taken from me...if she wasn't already gone. Less than a minute later, I was approaching the turn.

A young blonde girl knelt beside some shrubs, clutching her knees to her chest as she tried to catch her breath. Her head popped up as I approached closer and I could see it was Mia. She looked to be hiding both from the morning sun and any possible pursers. When she recognized me, she pointed behind her, directly at the house that I so vividly remembered passing before, and cried out something that was indistinguishable to me. Perhaps, in any other situation, I would have paused a moment to hear whatever warning or information she was trying to give me. Not today though. Today, Rose's life was in the balance and I wouldn't spare the heartbeat that might make the difference in her survival.

I could still hear the sounds of my companions behind me as I reached the yard to the house, but the relative silence otherwise set me on edge. The door was open, and I had been expecting – no, hoping – to hear the sounds of a struggle inside. The quiet meant that the battle was already over, and whatever laid beyond that threshold would be beyond my ability to fix.

I stopped at the driveway, literally scared stiff at what would come next. The scene of the Badica massacre flashed through my mind, but this time it was Rose's body that laid in a pool of her own blood. Ivan's voice cruelly whispered in my mind,  _'You're too late. You're always too late.'_  It was only a moment's hesitation, but that was just enough time for Janine, Alberta, and the rest to catch up to me. Together we moved forward, approaching carefully since we didn't know what lay ahead.

I entered first, taking three steps inside before I saw an image that I would never forget. Water soaked the floor, littered with broken glass. In the middle of living room were four bodies. Two were completely beheaded. But those weren't the once that concerned me. Dead center, huddled together in a heap on the floor and entirely too still, were Rose and Mason.

Mason lay prone on his back, his eyes open wide and unblinking. His head was twisted at an unnatural angle, confirming that he was no longer among the living.

"Oh...Oh God." The voice behind me was barely audible, carried on a breath rather than a whisper.

It sparked life in Rose though. Her head snapped up from where it had been resting against Mason's unbeating heart. She looked our way, but her eyes seemed to stare right through us.

Alberta took a step towards her and Rose leapt up, poised and ready for battle. She pointed an ornate sword at Alberta threateningly, daring her and each one of us in turn to make a move against her.

"Stay back," she growled menacingly, practically feral in the way she regarded us. "Stay away from him!"


	20. Chapter 20

Alberta signaled the others to hold back. Rose was obviously in some form of shock. She didn't recognize that we were allies, not enemies. Slowly, Alberta, Janine, and I moved carefully forward again.

"Stay back!" Rose frantically looked between us, seeing and unseeing at the same time. I could see the fear in her eyes, but it was overshadowed by determination. She would fight to the death if she needed to.

"Rose," I pressed forward again, speaking gently as to not spook her. "Drop the sword."

The blade, trained firmly on me, shook in her hand. "Get away from us!"

"Rose," I pleaded.

For the first time since entering this horrid house, she looked at me. I mean  _really_  looked at me. Her shoulders relaxed, and she lowered her weapon slightly as she recognized me.

"It's okay," I promised, speaking calmly as not to startle her again. "Everything's going to be okay. You can let go of the sword."

She gripped the hilt harder, forcing it out in a shaky hold. "I can't." Her voice cracked, as if the words were physically painful to her. I could hear her begging with me to understand. "I can't leave him alone. I have to protect him."

I glance down at Mason. She had watched him die, a boy that she had grown up with and loved in one way or another, she had seen him murdered in front of her and had been unable to stop it. I had watched my peers fall in battle. I had seen people cut down right in front of me. I had felt the pain of my best friend dying and feeling like I should have done something – anything – to stop it. I had felt that need to protect, even when there was no longer someone to protect. I had been there, we all had, but it wasn't fair that she experience this pain so young.

Rose seemed so fragile, so broken. "You have."

The sword dropped from her grasp, hitting the ground just moments before she did. I had barely kicked it away from Rose before catching her in my arms. She didn't allow her tears to fall, but she gasped for air and hid her face against my chest. Occasionally she peeked out, recognizing a voice, but she continued to clutch my shirt in her fists. I tried to pull her towards another room, out of the way of the others and where I could talk to her privately and perhaps calm her down, but she was still frozen in place.

Instead, I did was I could to sooth her there. Nobody bat an eye at the fact that I was holding on to her just as tightly as she was holding onto me. With the trauma that Rose had just endured, if anyone felt it was inappropriate, they wisely kept it to themselves. I ran my fingers through her hair, reassuring myself that she was really here with me.

"Thank God you're alive," I whispered gently in Russian, low enough that only she could here me, even if she didn't understand me. "I thought I had lost you. I'm so sorry, Roza. You're safe now. I'm right here. You'll be alright. I've got you. You're safe. Thank God, you're safe."

I could hear the other guardian's working around us, putting together the pieces from the scene. I could care less. The only thing that mattered to me right now was in my arms. The others could handle the rest.

Rose startled a little as two of the Guardian's approached closer, kneeling next to the sword I had kicked away.

"She did that? Both of them?" The first guardian spoke, glancing back at one of the Strigoi bodies next to him. It was female, the head fully detached, though it wasn't a clean cut by any means. The skin around the wound was torn to shreds, suggesting that Rose had needed to work and hack multiple times to completely kill her attacker. The male a little ways away had a nearly identical cause of death.

Yuri, kneeling next to the first guardian, examined the sword and then looked at Rose in surprise. After a moment, he looked towards me. "This sword hasn't been sharpened in years..."

Rose let out a choked whimper, pressing deeper into me as if she could somehow hide from the events of the past few hours...the pass few days. I tightened my grip on her, doing my best to be the shield she needed.

I felt a hand on my shoulder, placed almost as gentle as the voice that accompanied it. "Get her out of here, Belikov." I nodded at Alberta's suggestion, looking back to see her worried expression. I could see Janine in the next room, staring at Rose while attempting to catalog information. Both women looked heartbroken and I couldn't blame them one bit. Rose would be irrevocably changed by this experience, and it was too early to tell if she could ever rise above the horror.

I pressed Rose tight once more, hoping that my embrace offered some semblance of comfort right now. "Come on, Roza. It's time to go."

Rose nodded, taking a half step away from me so that I could guide her outside. Back up was already arriving. Alchemists and other guardians were pulling up to the house, getting ready to seal the scene and take statements. Neighbors were already looking over from their homes, trying to see what the ruckus was about. I opened my jacket and tucked her body under my arm, shielding her from the cold winter air and keeping others from seeing just how much blood stained her clothing. I had no clue how much might have been hers.

She walked beside me in an empty daze, following my guidance to the ambulance that was parked at the end of the driveway. I told her to sit, and she did so without protest or acknowledgment. When the EMT, a pale Moroi gentleman, reached for her hands to examine them, Rose jumped. She pulled back, and I could see her eyes light up in fear as she braced for an attack. The EMT put out his hands out in a pacifying gesture, but Rose didn't seem to see or understand his surrender. She was terrified.

"Rose, Roza. It's okay. He's just going to check for injuries and clean you up a bit."

Rose shook her head frantically, still pressing herself as far against the wall as she could.

I looked at the young man, who seemed unsure at how to proceed. "I'll take care of her," I assured him.

"Are you trained?"

Every Guardian had first aid training. We typically used it more in the gym than in the field, but we were taught everything from cleaning and bandaging wounds, to treating for shock and hypothermia. I nodded to him and he left.

I approached Rose slowly, like one would approach a cornered animal. "Roza, it's me. It's Dimitri..."

She focused on my eyes a moment, recognizing I wasn't a threat. "Dimitri?"

The waver in her voice, the uncertainty, hurt my soul. "Yes, Roza. I'm going to take care of you, okay? Can I look at your hands?"

Slowly, hesitantly, she nodded and extended her hands to me. One of them, her right, was sliced across her palm. It was shallow thankfully, and shouldn't have any long term damage. I cleaned the blood and dirt from the cut and wrapped it in bandages before looking over the rest of her. There were a few cuts and scrapes on her face and arms, including one larger one with a piece of glass embedded in it from when that fish tank must have shattered, but otherwise she appeared to be whole. No concussion, no broken bones, no bite marks. The only other curious injury were the burns on her wrists, but they were blistered with some fairly severe areas and would need proper treatment at the academy. The best I could do now was clean them and loosely wrap them.

All those physical injuries didn't worry me nearly as much as something else. Even during training, when I would direct her moves and adjust her technique, Rose would put up a little resistance. As I checked her over now, she was completely pliable. She didn't speak, she didn't react, she just followed every instruction I gave her and stared past me into nothingness. It was like she had lost every ounce of fight in her, and for someone who was typically so alive, seeing her so lifeless was painful.

I desperately hoped that it was just a lack of food, water, and sleep. I didn't have anything for her to eat, but I did find a bottle of water for her. She only took two small sips before setting it aside. I had no plans to leave her, even for a moment, so I wrapped my jacket around her, holding her against my side and letting her rest her head on my shoulder. I relished in the sound of her breathing, knowing that no matter how shaky it was at the moment, it meant that she was still alive.

Eventually, it evened out and she fell asleep. I continued to embrace her, whispering apologies and promises in her ear and tucking kisses between locks of her hair as we sat in the relative privacy of the ambulance cabin.

It was Alberta who found us a half hour later.

"Belikov," she whispered, careful not to wake the sleeping girl. "How is she?"

"She's..." I stopped. I wanted to say that Rose was fine, but I knew that she wasn't. I knew it would be a while before Rose worked herself up to being fine. "She's alive."

"That's almost more than we could have hoped for."

I nodded, knowing just how close Rose and the others must have been to death, and how one of them hadn't escaped it. "How are the others? How's Christian?"

"Christian and the others are fine. Shaken, hungry, dehydrated, and tired, but otherwise they are okay. I was able to take their statements and it seems like their stories match. Mason had been the one to suggest going to Spokane and Mia and Eddie agreed. Apparently, he had tried to convince Rose to go at some point, but she had insisted that they weren't ready and refused to go without council approval and other Guardians. Mason had taken the rejection personally and wanted to prove himself."

I shook my head regretfully. Mason is – no, was – a good kid, but like many young men his age, he tended to have moments where he thought he was invincible.

"Christian said that Rose came to him when she had figured out that the others were gone. He was only supposed to use compulsion on Guardian Peterson, but when that didn't work and Rose had to resort to using other means, Christian had insisted on going with her. Rose tracked the first three students to the mall and had gotten them to agree to coming home, but they wanted to show her the tunnels underground. I guess they had broken in earlier and thought they were abandoned. When Rose saw the writing on the wall, she had insisted on leaving immediately."

She had understood what it meant too...

"Apparently, they were kidnapped in broad daylight on the way to the bus station, and the humans we found tied up in the basement used Mia as a hostage to get the novices to surrender. They were held without food or water. Mia and Christian were given an ultimatum to drain one of the novices or die. The Strigoi leader, Isaiah, taunted them by regularly drinking from Eddie. Eddie has yet to fully recover, but he should have his strength and wits about him again soon. Eventually, Christian and Rose came up with a way to break free of their binds. Christian pretended to drink from Rose, using his magic to burn through the zipties on her wrists."

That would explain the burns...

"Once free, she and the others were able to overpower the humans and escape. However, before they were able to get out of the house, Isiah and the female cornered them. According to Mia, she told Mason to take the others and run to the safety of the light while she fought to hold them off. Christian helped to carry Eddie to the corner mart where we found them, but Mason told Mia to follow them and went back to help Rose."

Alberta looked down on Rose with sympathy.

"We don't know what happened next, we'll have to eventually ask Rose, but by the time Mia returned to the house, Mason was already dead. Staying in the sun, Mia broke the aquarium and used Water to suffocate Isaiah while Rose used a shard of glass to incapacitate him. She then used the sword to decapitate both Elana and Isaiah. Mia tried to get Rose to leave after that, but Rose refused to leave Mason's side. We arrived less than ten minute later."

Ten minutes...we were ten minute too late. I smoothed Rose's hair back again and sent up another silent apology. It didn't matter in the end. We had been in this area for hours, I had walked by that house at least once, and we had no idea that they were inside. Had Rose not found a way for the others to escape, we may not have found any of them. I needed to be grateful that most of them were alive, that Rose was safe now.

Alberta seemed to be lost in her own mind, perhaps thinking the same thoughts I was. Eventually she spoke. "We've been cleared to go. A local team will take care of the rest of the scene. A plane is waiting at the airport for us."

As far as I was concerned, the sooner we left, the better. I gently shook Rose, but she still startled and needed a moment to calm down before we could head for the SUVs. Christian, Eddie, and Mia were in the vehicle ahead of us, while I barely caught a glimpse of the guardians loading up a body bag into the one behind us. Alberta solemnly slipped into the passenger seat, and for once, I was grateful that Rose seemed oblivious to everything around her.

When we arrived at the private airstrip, I held Rose close, praying that she would stay asleep while they loaded Mason's body onto the plane. The other students were escorted after that and I guided a near catatonic Rose into her seat. As I walked her through the aisle, Tasha and Lissa were both clinging to Christian. I gave a nod of acknowledgment to Tasha as we passed, and she mouthed a 'thank you' over his shoulder. I looked away. I hadn't done much of anything. It was Rose who had gotten them out. It was Mason who lost his life in the fight.

Without anyone else to do so, Mia and Eddie seemed to be supporting each other. Her head rested on his arm and he clutched her hand in his. They were both shedding tears. Both of them still held a dazed look in their eyes. All the students had seen more than they should have and I doubt any of them would ever be quite the same. But they were alive...though that reassurance was beginning to seem less and less comforting.

As the plane engines started and we made our ascent, Rose stared at the air in front of her. I was starting to get concerned about the fact that Rose still had yet to show any emotion (beyond the occasional moment of fear) since I had removed her from the house. No tears, no conversation, nothing. I had never seen her so distant and it scared me.

I looked around the cabin and saw Janine near the back of the plane. She was staring intently at Rose, but it suddenly occurred to me that she had yet to approach her daughter. I would have thought that she would have been one of the first to make sure Rose was okay and reassure her. Even Alberta had come to check on Rose already, but not Janine.

"Roza, will you be okay for a moment? I'll be back shortly." She nodded, but didn't do or say anything else to acknowledge that I had even spoken.

Janine's eyes flickered to me when I stepped between her line of vision to Rose, and she quickly replaced her worried expression with one that was nearly devoid of any feeling.

"Guardian Hathaway." I tried to keep the annoyance out of my voice but I was certain some seeped through the cracks. If it did, Guardian Hathaway paid no mind.

"How is she?" Even if she wasn't willing to show it on her face, Janine couldn't completely hide her concern. Her eyes betrayed everything.

"You should ask her yourself."

"No...no," She shook her head gently, but it sounded like she was trying to convince herself more than me. "Rose needs you. You understand her. She trusts you. She doesn't need me."

I could tell that underneath everything else, she was afraid of being rejected by her daughter. Under normal circumstances, perhaps I could see that happening, but right now it was much more likely that Rose would never even know that her mother was sitting right beside her.

I looked towards where Rose sat, but was surprised to see Mia in the place that I had vacated. More surprising was the fact that she had actually been able to engage Rose. She was speaking to Mia, not animatedly like she typically did, but at least she was speaking. A few moments later though, she reclaimed her blank stare.

Mia stood and made her way back to us. "Rose is asking for you."

"I'll be there in just a moment..."

"Actually, I'm sorry, I was speaking to Guardian Hathaway," Mia looked a little sheepish correcting me.

"Are...are you sure?" Janine glanced between us, as if asking for permission.

I touched her arm, gently grounding her. "Guardian Hathaway...go. Rose needs her mother."

With one last hesitation, Janine lifted her chin and sat next to her daughter. Moments later, Rose was wrapped into her embrace, seeking comfort only a mother could provide. As Rose finally succumbed to the reality of everything that had happened, mourning both the lost of her friend and the loss of her innocence in desperate sobs, I took up a new seat and quietly mourned along side her.


	21. Chapter 21

Rose clung to her mother for the rest of the short flight back to the academy. As hard as it was to see her breaking down and gasping for breath between sobs, there was a small sense of relief to see her actually processing what had happened over the past few days. My instincts made me want to rush to her side, but I knew that it was important for Rose and Janine to have this moment together. When Rose needed me, I'd be there for her.

As soon as we had landed and unloaded, I watched Rose as she walked away with her mother on one side and Mia on the other. Christian and Lissa were walking behind them, holding onto each other. Eddie brought up the rear, rarely letting his eye raise off the ground in front of him. The entire group seemed to be weighed down by sorrow.

"I'm leaving at the end of the week. I've offered to let Christian come home for a few days until the semester starts up again in earnest. I have the paperwork to send to Court as soon as you sign it."

My eyes were still intent on the group slowly growing smaller in the distance, and it took me a moment to realize that Tasha didn't need the Court's approval for him to come home for the weekend.

"What?"

"The paperwork for your transfer. You'll need to sign it, as well as Guardian Petrov, but otherwise it is all ready to send to Court. If we get it out tomorrow, everything should be cleared by the time our flight leaves."

Oh. The transfer. In the rush of the past few days, I hadn't thought about that dilemma once. All I could think about was Rose. The realization brought an odd sense of clarity.

"No."

"What do you mean, 'no'?" She seemed taken aback by my abruptness.

"I mean, no, Tasha. I wont be going with you. I'm needed here."

"Dimitri, please, think about what you are saying." In her favor, she looked at me with sympathy rather than anger. "You  _need_  to leave. If anyone found out about what was going on between you two, then you could lose everything."

"I know, but she needs me right now."

"What she needs is for you to let her go before you end up ruining both of your lives. I like Rose, I really do. She's smart, and dedicated, and loyal. You've trained her well. She will be an amazing guardian once she graduates but right now she is still a student. She's still a  _child._  I know you don't want to hear this but who knows what she'll want in a year from now? She's passionate, but she's also impulsive and this tragedy is just one example of that."

"Don't use Mason's death to justify me leaving." I was still fairly exhausted after everything, and my waning temper was just one symptom of that.

"I'm not trying too," She insisted quickly before taking a deep breath and letting it out with a sigh. "Really Dimitri, everyone's emotions are running high. A kid died a needless death. You nearly lost Rose. I thought I had lost Christian. I understand why you want to be here to support her but are you thinking logically or emotionally about this?"

I knew she was right. Before the disappearance, I had been ready to go with Tasha. It would have been hard, but I thought it would have been for the best. Now, I wasn't so sure. What I was sure about, was that Rose needed someone she could count on to be there and support her. I wanted to be that person.

"It doesn't matter, Tash. I need to be here for her."

"What about you? You always put others first, and I love that about you, but what about everything you wanted? A real relationship, a family, freedom. You can't have that here. I can give you that. Others can help Rose and get her through this, but nobody else can offer you what I'm offering you."

She was right of course. Tasha was offering me more than I could ever dream of, more than ever dared to dream of. But those dreams didn't mean much if I wasn't sharing them with the right person. When I thought about living my life, creating a family with my wife, I knew that it wasn't something I could just insert any willing woman into. I could now only imagine sharing that life with one woman.

"Tasha, you are a wonderful person. I can't thank you enough for being willing to do all that, but we both deserve to live life without compromising on who we live that life with."

"What if I didn't see it as a compromise?" She offered meekly. Tasha – strong, lively, out-spoken Tasha – looked completely vulnerable and I suddenly felt like an idiot for not noticing sooner.

"Oh Tasha," I whispered, my voice lost in the sudden understanding. I had assumed her offer was one given out of our friendship and her inherent selfless nature. I assumed it was an arrangement of convenience and mutual respect. There was attraction between us, yes, but I never truly thought that love factored into the equation. "I don't...I'm sorry but..."

She waved me off, turning her face away from me to hide her emotions. "It's fine Dimitri. I figured that out pretty quickly. You don't love me, at least, not like you love Rose. I thought maybe you could grow to love me but..."

"She has my heart," I finished. "I care about you Tasha, I really do, but Roza has captured my heart without me ever realizing it and I don't think I want it back. Even if nothing ever happens between her and I, it would be impossible for me to love someone else. You deserve better than than that. You deserve better than me."

She let out a small, humorless laugh, and smirked at me. "Well, we'll have to agree to disagree on that one, Dimka."

I offered a small smile in return, knowing that my nickname was a sign of a truce between us.

"I can't support your affection for her, not when she's the same age as Christian. I hope you understand. But, as long as you promise not to do anything stupid until she's eighteen and graduated, I wont say anything. I may not like what's going on, but she obviously makes you happy and the very least I can do is not take that away from you. Just please be careful, okay? I'd hate for anything to happen to you."

"I promise. Thank you." I knew that she was uncomfortable, but considering everything, her silence was more than I could have hoped for. I looked back towards Rose and the others, nearly out of sight now. "How's Christian holding up?"

"He's hanging in there. I think a part of him feels guilty for not thinking of the fire thing earlier, when everyone had their strength."

It was such a shame that we were conditioned to not utilize magic so much so that a simple way to escape wasn't thought of until days later. Granted, at least Rose and Christian had thought of it at all. I couldn't say that I would have if I had been in the same position. "He can't blame himself for that."

"I know, and I told him that too. Perhaps this could serve as a lesson though, for why we should consider offensive magic. So much might have been avoided if they had simply been able to get out earlier."

I nodded, but I wasn't sure I agreed with her. They were against difficult odds, and I think luck had just as much to do with their escape as skill did. However, Tasha was willing to use any argument she felt necessary to further the cause she was so passionate about.

"That's not what's really bothering him though," Tasha continued sadly, a distinct morose darkness underlying her tone. "Apparently the male knew Lucas and Moria and used that to taunt him. Told him how they wanted to turn him when he was older. Suggested that he might do so in their honor."

I was sickened at the thought. Dealing with Strigoi was always unpleasant, but having a personal connection made it so much worse. It made you second guess yourself, it made you vulnerable, and it made you more susceptible to making mistakes. It was unfortunate that Christian had to be tortured psychologically in addition to everything else they went through.

"Will he be alright?" I had no doubt that Christian was strong, but even strong men have their weaknesses.

"Yeah." Tasha took a breath and shook herself out of the daze that she had fallen into before looking at me. "He just needs a little time. He knows who he is and what he's capable of. Many people underestimate him, even more misunderstand him, but he isn't swayed by others. And now that he has people who care for him and support him, and he is letting them do so, he'll be just fine. He's strong."

He wasn't the only one. "You know, a lot of that is your doing Tasha. You did a good job raising him. You taught him well."

I saw her brighten a little at my compliment. I wouldn't call Tasha a prideful woman, but when it came to Christian, she was proud, protective, and powerful. She would move heaven and earth for him.

"Thank you," she replied sincerely. "I can't take all the credit though. I had some good friends help me through my own tough times."

I recalled the conversations between us that took place so long ago and felt a little peace. Tasha would be okay. This wasn't the end of our friendship. I took her hand in mine before leaning down to kiss her cheek, not in goodbye, but in thanks. "I'll see you around, Tasha. Thank you for everything."

"Anything for you, Dimka."

With one last squeeze of her hand, we parted. She walked towards the Moroi dorms where the others had been heading and I left for my own small apartment. I needed some sleep before all the paperwork that would be coming tomorrow.

I briefly thought about checking on Rose again. As much as I wanted to, I decided against it. She had yet to really respond to me. Every time I tried to talk to her, I was met with distance and silence. For now, it seemed like she was doing better with Janine and the others. I would give her space for the time being and try to reach her again tomorrow.

* * *

It took her three days to leave her dorm room. Considering everything, nobody forced the issue. Alberta approved meals being brought to her and I took it upon myself to bring her breakfast, lunch, and dinner. It was the only time I saw her during those days. She wouldn't open the door to anyone but Lissa. I used my key to bring her her meals, but she would never respond if I tried to talk to her. I couldn't even say she was ignoring me, because it seemed more like she couldn't even see me. Whatever dark world she was caught up in was blinding her.

She must have gotten out of bed to eat, because there were always a few bites missing from her tray on the desk when I returned, but I never saw her do anything but lay in bed facing the wall. The first day, I sat on the bed next to her and smoothed her hair while trying to whisper comforting words to her. I stayed for over two hours until my shift was due to start. She never moved. She never spoke. I began to wonder if she would ever return to me. My heart broke, fruitlessly wondering what I could do to help her.

In the end, it wasn't me that brought her back to the world of the living, but Mason. On the day of his funeral, she walked into the chapel moments before the service started. She was wearing the same outfit that she had worn the day we had gone to the Badica home for her trials. I could still see the dazed look in her eye, but the fact that she was here was monumental.

The room fell silent as she walked to the front of the chapel where Mason's casket was displayed. His parents had chosen to keep it a closed casket funeral, but a picture of him smiling under a mess of red curly hair was perched on top of the coffin. She ran her hand against the smooth, glossy wood before pulling something from her pocket and gently laying it on top. I didn't know what she had placed there, but doing so seemed to lighten the weight of the world on her, just a little bit.

She didn't speak to anyone during or after the funeral. As soon as the final prayer was offered, she left the church before I could get to her. I wanted to follow her, but I felt the need to pay my final respects to Mason first.

By the time I had the opportunity to do so, several people had left tokens on his coffin. Some left a flower. Others left a trinket of some sort or another. Eddie left a pair of blue hand-wraps, the type that you would wear for sparring or heavy bag work. Nobody questioned why, but it was clear that it held some personal meaning to him. I had nothing to offer, but as I looked over the tributes, one stood out to me. It was a photograph of two children who couldn't be older than five or six; one with bright red curls, the other with long dark hair. Even then, you could tell that Mason adored Rose by the way he looked at her. He had spent his life loving her and if you ask me, there are much worse ways to spend your life than loving Roza. Perhaps the only thing that could be better would be having her love in return.

* * *

The announcement came the next morning for Rose's  _molnija_  ceremony. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised, but it had totally escaped me that she would be receiving her first tattoos. They seemed such a small detail in light of all that had happened. The meaning behind them though, well, that was almost to much to handle. Rose was too young, but she had already seen and dealt death.

There isn't really much fanfare around a marking ceremony. Most guardian's quickly learned that it wasn't something to be celebrated, at least not in the traditional sense of the word. A guardian's first marks might be attended by some close colleagues, but that was about it. It was rare for a Moroi, including your charge, to be there. It was something that was difficult to understand unless you had been under the needle yourself. The entire event is typically quiet and solemn, offering a chance to reflect more than anything else.

So imagine my surprise when I walked into the Guardian lounge and saw nearly every guardian on campus in attendance. I knew they're must have been some missing. Someone needed to be on patrol at the moment, but I couldn't readily identify who wasn't here as a show of support to Rose. It was clear that while she may not believe that she had much of a family, she was loved by everyone here, and we considered her one of our own.

The moment Rose walked into the room with her mother, we all fell into a fairly orderly formation around the tattooist's chair. Alberta, Janine and I stood the closest. A guardian by the name of Lionel was at the needle. There weren't many guardian's trained to give the marks, but the Guardian Council tried to make sure that there was always one near any large gathering of Moroi and Dhampirs.

Nobody spoke as Rose sat on the stool, pulling her hair up and to the side to expose her neck. It was bare, like a clean slate. In moments, she would have a permanent reminder of her nightmare. A physical scar to match her emotional ones.

A murmured conversation began between Lionel and Alberta.

"She wont have a promise mark. She hasn't graduated." I could see where his concern lay, but a small twinge of annoyance sparked at his words. We were all painfully aware that Rose was too young to be experiencing this.

It seemed like I wasn't the only one bothered by his words. There was irritation lacing her reply, "It happens." Her voice softened a little, in obvious concern for Rose. "She made the kills. Do the  _molnijas,_  and she'll get the promise mark later."

As the needle buzzed to life, I could see Rose's muscles tense. She still seemed a bit skittish, though she seemed to be hiding it better. Within moments of the black ink starting to leave it's mark, Rose's bottom lip was caught between her teeth and her eyes squeezed shut, though she made no sound. I remember the surprising sting that came with my first marking. It had been my promise mark of course, but since I had graduated with the top scores that year, I was the first to receive it in my class. It was a much different type of pain than what we were used to, and I knew that nobody would fault her for reacting. She had already proved her strength in the battle field.

It only took a ten minutes or so for the marks to be completed. A mirror was held up so Rose could see them, and I watched her face fall ever so slightly. Rose had once seen marks as a badge of honor. She had admired mine, and longed for her own. Now...I could see that she would trade those marks in an instant if she could avoid the circumstances that lead to them. There was a small relief in us both when the tattoos were bandaged.

She politely shook Lionel's hand and Alberta stepped forward. Placing her hands on Rose's shoulders, she quietly welcomed Rose to our ranks before pulling her into a tight embrace. Everyone knew how close Rose and Alberta were, and how Alberta saw her as the daughter she never had. So even though it was highly unusual, nobody found the change in ceremony out of the ordinary or unwelcomed.

Before I had a chance to over think things, I was standing behind Guardian Petrov. I didn't embrace Roza, because I wasn't certain that I would have been able to let go of her. I tried to think of something, anything, to say to her but when she looked at me it became clear that no words were necessary between us. Like so many times before, we understood the unspoken. I was proud of her for surviving, not just her battle but everything that came after it. I was sorry for not being there sooner to prevent it. I was here for her, whenever she was ready.

There was a small tremble in her jaw as she tried to stand tall in front of me. My hand reached out to sooth the tension, cupping her cheek gently. The moment I touched her, I felt her lean into my palm and her eyes closed as if my gesture could provide the much needed solace she deserved. When she looked at me again, only a moment or two later, I could see the warmth that had been missing from her since the moment we had found her. I let out a breath of relief. Rose would be fine. It wouldn't happen overnight, and she may never be quite the same person she was before, but she wouldn't always be trapped in her pain. My Roza would come back.

I watched as Janine offered her own words of wisdom to her daughter before Guardian Stan Alto stepped forward. With their often clashing personalities, I didn't expect him to hug her. From the look on Rose's face, she didn't expect it either. He whispered something in her ear and the look of shock only grew. My body tensed, worried that he had said something that might spark a disagreement, but as she watched him walked away and let the next person offer their support, I saw Rose's lips turn upwards. It wasn't quite a smile, but it was the closest thing anyone had been able to entice from her all week. I felt a small surge of gratitude for the harsh instructor.

The staff at the school had prepared a small lunch for everyone, and while Rose spoke to people here and there, you could tell that it was more robotic and automatic than anything else. I could see her squeeze her eyes shut and rub at her temples, as if she was fighting off a head ache. Or perhaps she was simply fighting off her nightmares. I could see her relax a little as guardians started leaving for their next shift, perhaps eager to seek the peace and quiet of solitude. I expected Rose to return to her dorm, but was surprised when she headed towards the gym and novice classes instead.

My feet didn't make it three steps towards the door before I felt a hand on my shoulder. "Guardian Belikov, I think we should sit down and talk for a moment."


	22. Chapter 22

I was set on edge the moment she addressed me. Outside of a professional situation, Alberta was never so formal with me. I wasn't sure what she needed to speak to me about, but I could definitely take a couple of guesses. When she shut her office door behind us, I was fairly certain that the conversation wouldn't be in my favor.

"Please, take a seat."

I sat in the chair across from her, with her desk in between us. It didn't escape my notice that she refused to meet my eyes. After several tense and silent moments, she finally looked up and spoke.

"Here is what's going to happen. You are going to listen to everything I have to say on the matter, answer whatever questions I have honestly, and then you are going to make me a promise. Okay?"

I hesitantly agreed, knowing that I really didn't have any other choice.

"I know there is something more between you and Rose."

I opened my mouth to speak. I wasn't sure if it would be a denial or a defense, but it didn't matter because she raised her hand to stop me before I could begin.

"Please. I've seen it with my own eyes in the way you two act around each other. I've known Rose nearly her entire life and it didn't take long for me to realize that you were more than just a mentor to her. And you...you might have been inconspicuous in your affection for her but someone would need to be blind not to see how much you have changed since she entered your life. So please, don't insult me by denying it. I'm not here to condemn you because of it."

"You aren't?" This was either a surprising turn of events...or a dangerous set up.

"No. I can't really say that I'm pleased with the entire situation, it's hardly ideal, but you two seem to bring out the best in each other. More importantly, you make her happy and that is something that means more to me than almost anything else. However, I need to make sure you understand a few things."

I nodded, silently, still wary of the conversation.

"Have you ever encouraged or forced anything improper on her?" She asked her question with a calm demeanor but I knew that it was a facade hiding something much more deadly. Horrified that she felt the need to ask at all, I answered quickly.

"No. Never. I -"

"That's all I need to know on the subject. I don't want details. Just be sure that answer never changes."

I would never force Rose, or any other woman for that matter, to do anything against their will. Growing up in a house full of woman made me not only protective of my family, but gave me a high respect for women in general.

"Have you considered what happens after graduation?" She pressed, continuing with her examination.

This time I looked away ashamed. As much as I hated to admit it, the same impending reason for us to stay apart was still looming like a dark storm cloud on the horizon. Our emotions would put Lissa at risk.

"We both understand our duty," I answered, trying put conviction in my words. "Rose and I will put Princess Vasilisa's life above our own...or each other's."

Even though I knew it was the response I needed to give, I was surprised to see the disappointment in her countenance. "Then I guess all I can ask of you is that you don't hurt her, at least not any more than what can't be avoided. I don't envy the difficult situation you two find yourselves in, but I also understand how rare love is for our kind." Alberta looked out the window and smiled for a second, as if savoring a precious memory if only for a moment. "I can't fault you to for loving one another, but promise me that you won't cause her more pain than joy."

"I swear it." The promise wasn't made for Alberta's sake, but for my own. I couldn't bare the thought of willingly causing any pain to Rose if there was any other option.

"Thank you, Dimitri. You are free to go."

As my hand touched the door knob, Alberta awoke from her lost memories one last time with a final request. "Look after her, Dimitri, but please try to be a bit more subtle when you do."

I froze under the implication, but was reassured by her playful smirk. I responded with a quick nod and left to find Rose.

* * *

I wasn't able to find Rose right away. She wasn't in her dorm, so unless she had stayed in her afternoon classes, I could only think of one other place to find her right now.

I sat on small stone bench that looked out over the pond at the edge of the cemetery. I knew a plaque with his Mason's name would be added to it soon. Mason's parents had wanted to take his body home to be buried close to them, but Guardian Petrov had insisted that something be done in his memory here as well. I wasn't sure if she had a soft spot for the boy or is this was an extension of the love she had for Rose. He had died for her, and that had certainly endeared him to me.

"Thank you, Mason." I whispered, feeling slightly awkward talking to the cold air around me. Still, I needed to say these things, and I only hoped that he could somehow hear me. "Thank you for being there for Rose when I couldn't be, for protecting her when I wasn't able to. There are so many things I wish I could change. Perhaps if I hadn't said anything at the lodge, maybe you would still be here. You were far too young to die, but you did so saving Rose and I can't thank you enough for that.

"I didn't know you well, but I know you loved her. We have that in common. She loves you too, you know. She hasn't been the same since you've been gone, and I doubt she ever will be. Don't worry though. I'll be there for her from now on. I'll protect her like you did. Still, if you can keep an eye on her, perhaps offer her some comfort, I think it would go a long way.

"I'll never be able to show you just how grateful I am, but please know that you have my utmost respect."

It all seemed so inadequate. Nothing I could say would ever be enough for what he did. He never had the chance to graduate but he gave his life in the protection of another. In my book, that more than made him worthy of the title.

"Rest well Guardian Ashford, and thank you for your sacrifice. It will not be forgotten."

* * *

Since Rose had apparently attended all of her afternoon classes, I thought that today might also be the day that she would also show up for practice. I had no intention of actually leading any training sessions this evening, but I hoped that we would finally have a few moments to talk. About Mason. About her kills. About us.

She walked out of the locker room, exactly on time for once, dressed in her full training gear. I slipped my bookmark into the book I was reading – though I hadn't actually been able to read a single line while I waited for her – and set it aside.

"I thought you might come by."

"It's time for practice," she replied blankly, as if was any other day...as she hadn't been mentally out of it for nearly a week.

I just shook my head. "No. No practice today. You still need to recover."

"I've got a clean bill of health. I'm good to go." I could tell she was forcing a brave face and a smile, because neither made it to her eyes. Those were still filled with sorrow.

I gestured to the seat beside me. "Sit down, Rose."

She hesitated but eventually sat down. I twisted my own chair so that I was turned towards her, face to face. I could see that she was having difficulty looking at me in the eye, but for a moment they met, and I swear my heart skipped a beat. Even if she was struggling at the moment, I counted myself lucky once again that she was still here. I had come so close to losing her, and the thought still kept me up at night.

"No one gets over their first kill," I paused and corrected myself, "...kills...easily. Even with Strigoi...well it's still technically taking a life. That's hard to come to terms with. And after everything else you went through..." I couldn't get the image of her cradling Mason's body out of my mind. It haunted my nightmares, and when I awoke I was reassured with nothing but silence and blank stares. I reached for her hands, needing that small comfort and hoping that it offered her some in return. "When I saw your face...when you found you in that house...you can't imagine how I felt."

She stared at my hand clasped around hers, my thumb gently stroking knuckles. "How...how did you feel?"

In a instant, I was back in that doorway. The shock of seeing her still and that one moment, that one moment that felt longer than eternity, where I thought she was gone from this world. To this day, I still wasn't sure what I would have done had that been the truth. I could live loving Rose silently from the sidelines. I could suffer watching her finding happiness and moving on without me. But I wasn't sure I could exist in a world that didn't include her in it. I prayed that I'd never have to find out, though our profession wasn't exactly known for its survival rate.

Then, when she was alive but so broken...I had seen new guardians break in a similar manner. We don't talk about it often, but guardians have been known to check out and never come back. They don't typically last long after that. An old classmate of mine committed suicide less than a week after his partner died in combat. They said that the survivor's guilt had been too much for him. I had wanted to put Rose on 24 hour watch the first few days but between me, Lissa, Alberta, and Janine, we were able to keep a pretty close eye on her without submitting anything official.

"Devastated," I admitted. "Grief stricken. You were alive, but the way you looked...I didn't think you'd ever recover. And it tore me apart to think of that happening to you so young." I squeeze her hand, using my next words as a declaration to us both. "You will recover. I know that now, and I'm glad. But you aren't there. Not yet. Losing someone you care about is never easy."

She looked down, hiding her face from me and mumbled something that I couldn't quite make out besides the word 'fault'.

"Hmmm?" I tried to get her to look up but she refused.

"Mason," she whispered, curling in on her self. "Getting killed."

"Oh, Roza. No..." She blamed herself. God, how had I not seen it before. I was so focused on the fact that she had lost someone that I never stopped to think that she might have blamed herself for that loss. I nearly reached out to embrace her, but I wasn't sure if physical touch would just make her close off from me again. I chose my next words carefully. I didn't want to be too harsh with her, but I knew I couldn't make light of something like this either. "You made some bad decisions – you should have told others when you knew he was gone – but you can't blame yourself. You didn't kill him."

When she looked up, she was on the edge of tears. "I might as well have. The whole reason he went there...it was my fault," she insisted, pulling her hands from mine and letting her face fall into them. "We had a fight...and I told him about the Spokane thing, even though you asked me not to..."

Her shoulders started shaking in silent sobs, and I brushed her shoulder to test the waters of acceptable comfort. She refused to look at me until I brushed the tears from her cheek. I couldn't stand the sight of them. Her pain was mine.

"You can't blame yourself for that," I reassured her, accepting the truth that I couldn't blame myself for Mason's death either. "You can regret your decisions and wish you'd done things differently, but in the end, Mason made his decisions too. That's what he chose to do. It was his decision in the end, no matter your original role."

I hated myself for it, but I was grateful that Mason went back for her. It was the same thing I would have done in his place. It might have cost Mason his life, but it most likely saved Roza. However, this was a prime example of how our emotions could interfere with our duty and put both us and our charge in danger.

"I just wish I'd been able to...I don't know...do anything."

I understood exactly where she was coming from. I felt the same way. Before I could tell her as much, I saw her steel herself. She pulled away from me, stood, and brushed her hands on her shirt. She was closing herself off from me, going as far as to brush my touch from her skin.

"I should go. Let me know when you want to start practice again. And thanks for..." she paused and softened just a little, "talking."

I couldn't let her walk away again. This was the most open she had been with me in days. Honestly this was probably the most open she had been with me in weeks, not including that moment on the roof of the Lodge. Everything took a turn for the worse between us the moment I had pushed her away that day she kissed me in the gym. I needed her to realize how much she meant to me.

"No." I said it so abruptly, I wasn't sure exactly what I was protesting. I didn't want her to leave but there was more to it then that...

She turned back to me, understandably confused. "What?"

I held her gaze, instinctively knowing what to tell her, and feeling my heart swell because of it. "No. I told her no. Tasha."

Her eyes grew wide and she quickly moved back towards me. "I...but...why? That was a once-in-a-lifetime thing. You could have had a baby and," she stopped suddenly, looking a bit uncomfortable before continuing on, "and she was, you know, into you..."

Of course Rose would realize the extent of Tasha's affection before I did. "Yes, she was. Is," I corrected. "And that's why I had to say no. I couldn't return that." I stepped closer, closing the distance between us to something that I would typically consider inappropriate for what our professional relationship should have entailed. It seemed ridiculous to be wary of something like that given the conversation we were having. "I couldn't give her what she wanted. Not when my heart is somewhere else."

Her eyebrows furrowed for a moment, before her head snapped up with wide eyes of realization. "But you seemed so into her. And you kept going on about how young I acted."

I cringed slightly, recognizing that I hadn't had some of my finer moments in those arguments with her. "You act young because you  _are_ young," I told her, "but you know things, Roza. Things people older than you don't even know. That day..." I gestured to the spot where I had pressed her against the wall in a moment of blind desperation, "You were right, about how I fight to stay in control. No one else has ever figured that out, and it scared me.  _You_ scare me." It was hard admitting that to her. I put on a constant front. In the end, I guess it didn't matter though. Rose could see right through me like nobody else could.

"Why? Don't you want anyone to know?"

I shrugged nonchalantly, as if I wasn't terrified about admitting these things to her. "Whether they know that fact of not doesn't matter. What matters is that someone – that you – know me that well. When a person can see into your soul, it's hard. It forces you to be open. Vulnerable. It's much easier being with someone who's just more of a casual friend."

"Like Tasha." It wasn't a question.

"Tasha Ozera is an amazing woman." I felt the need to defend the person who offered so much and was now keeping my secret. "She's beautiful and she brave, but she doesn't -"

"She doesn't  _get_  you," Rose finished, showing once again just how much she understood me.

I nodded, looking down at her in awe. "I knew that, but I still wanted the relationship. I knew it would be easy and she could take me away from you." I was standing close enough that it didn't take much for me to brush my fingers against the smooth skin of her arm. "I thought she could make me forget you."

"But she couldn't."

It seems like such a ridiculous idea now, that I can hardly believe that I had entertained the thought at all. She looked away, and I could see a small trace of sorrow in her eyes. She was thinking of Mason, I realized, and I wondered if Rose and I were more alike than I had thought.

"Yes," I admitted, "and so...that's a problem."

"Because it's wrong for us to be together."

"Yes."

"Because of the age difference."

"Yes."

"But more importantly because we're going to be Lissa's guardians and need to focus on her – not each other."

"Yes."

She looked away, and all I could think about was how unfair fate was. I had never met anyone else like Roza, but there were so many things in our way. It practically cruel.

"Well," she said, looking back towards me, "the way I see it, we aren't Lissa's guardians  _yet._ " I could already see the small flicker of hope diminishing. She was expecting me to push her away yet again.

I couldn't blame her for assuming I would. All the reasons I should had just been laid out for me. But I couldn't bear to be the cause of her pain any more, and damn it, I was tired of hurting too.

So I kissed her.

It was gentle at first, but it was so hard to hold back. I was so ready just too let go and show her just how much I cared about her. With her face held gently in my hands, I brushed her lips tentatively, allowing her to pull away if she wanted too. When I felt her hands pull me closer though, I allowed ourselves to delve deeper, getting lost in the kiss and just allowing ourselves to feel those emotions we had been holding back for too long.

Eventually, I pulled back. I was getting carried away in the moment. Leaving the comfort of her lips, I pressed a kiss to her forehead and held her close to me, prolonging the joyous feeling as long as I could. I hoped that this was enough of a reassurance to her, to us both, that this was just the beginning for us. That I was planning on standing by her and somehow...somehow we'd find a way to work this out. I had not intention of letting go of her.

Well, in the figurative sense. Literally, it was getting late and she's need to be getting back to her dorm before curfew. With one last kiss I stepped back. "I'll see you later, Roza."

"At our next practice? We  _are_  starting those up again, right? I mean, you still have things to teach me."

I stood in the doorway and just took in the sight of her. I admired her flushed cheeks and swollen lips, her hair that was slightly messed from my fingers working through it, and most importantly, the first real smile I had seen grace her lips in a long time. She was absolutely beautiful.

"Yes," I promised. "Lots of things."


End file.
